Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Fiance won't get help


#1

Hello, this is my first time posting. I’ve been reading stories on here and doing research for several months and still not entirely sure what’s going on…

Long story short, I’ve been with my fiancé for 6 years & am convinced he’s a schizophrenic. We have a one year old daughter & older son. He’s always had negative thoughts and doubts of himself, nobody likes/loves him, always the victim, etc etc. No one & I mean NO ONE likes him at work, no matter how many crews he’s put on. But, me being the woman I am, “I can love him.” - “I can make him feel love.” - “I can fix him.” Accepted the challenge. We’ve had a pretty good relationship, not perfect but we make a good team as providers for our family & we genuinely love each other.

In September he started showing signs that I obviously knew were strange, but honestly hoped it would just “go away”. He got a new job that month and apparently this boss was just over the top mean. Not sure how mean the man really is though, according to my fiancé everyone is evil. The stress really got to be too much and he went from doing weird stuff to being psychotic. People were following him(the whole city btw), people were watching us, he will have conversations with the tv, yelling one minute and laughing the next. His mood fluctuates from extremely happy (almost kid like) to angry & highly irritated, telling everyone to “shhh”. Then the next minute he’s full on exercising and working out in the living room.

Last week he left for work and ended up 3 hours away at a hospital because “the people” put an antenna on his car and told him to just keep driving. “The people” finally took the antenna off his car and it wouldn’t work anymore (really he just ran out of gas). He was wandering up and down the highway when a highway patrol stopped him, could clearly see he was in distress & took him to the hospital. Thank God. When he called me I was relieved he was there & said I’d come the next day (it was midnight). His aunt & uncle went and got him, convinced the hospital to release him so they could put him in one closer to home, dropped him off home to me and said “good luck”.

He was fine for a few weeks and now he’s back to having convo’s with the tv, actually punched it and shattered it today because it was saying what he was thinking. He’s Either agitated or very happy. He’s confused, disoriented & hallucinating. The Bluetooth in his car somehow controls him to always be in traffic, people following him, and conversations with himself. I convinced him to go to the hospital today but when we got there he refused to get out of the car and said he thought we were just playing. He says he’ll get help but he really doesn’t want too. He says he thinks he needs help but doesn’t want it. I’m kind of at my wits in. I mean if I can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself. Especially if you know there is a problem. I’m considering baker acting him, but am in fear of the outcome. I’ve heard terrible stories. I don’t want him to feel like I’ve abandoned him. I try to constantly remind him that I love him and am only trying to help him. Any advice? This def sounds like schizophrenia right?! Sorry, it’s much longer then I intended lol. This is the first time I’ve ever talked about it, guess it feels good to get it off my chest.


#2

Hi, and welcome to our forums. From what you’ve described it sounds like a very typical paranoid type of schizophrenia - many of us have been there.

The important thing is to get him into treatment as quickly as possible. Like all major illnesses - the sooner it gets treated, the better. It will ideally include therapy and medications (generally as low a dose as possible - but you want to minimize risk of relapse, so its a balancing act).

Are you close to any of these early psychosis treatment centers - these are usually the best, and frequently free:

Let us know how it goes… you sound like you’ve learned a lot already - and are making the right steps to get him help.

I also recommend you read this “first aid for psychosis” page on our site - so you understand how best to deal with your fiance when he’s psychotic:

http://www.schizophrenia.com/sznews/archives/005561.html


#3

I’m sorry - I didn’t really address this question of yours. Here are some options that you can learn more about:

http://schizophrenia.com/invol.html

and I recommend you watch these videos (and get the professor’s book - I’m not sick, I don’t need help )

and


#4

Thank you so much for the links and info! The videos are very helpful :slight_smile:


#5

You should be able to get a hospital admission mandated due to behaviors that sound like a danger to himself or others (walking on the side of the highway, smashing the television). I know it sounds - and feels - horrible, but he and you need to be safe.


#6

Hello… Thanks for responding. Yesterday after I left for work, he terrorized the neighborhood (banging on people’s doors, yelling & acting violent in that weight room at my apts, and he tore down the closet shelves in our apt, flipped over mattresses and tore down the vertical patio blinds). I assume he felt bad because after that he politely went to the front office, told them he destroyed the apt and that maintenance needs to come fix it before his wife gets home. Needless to say, after the weight room incident, the office people called the cops, so they held him there til the cops came. He had no idea what day it was or who the president was. I explained his recent behavior & told them he’s a schizophrenic and they decided to baker act him. What a relief.

His mother has came around to help so that’s nice to have her support. We met with the Doctor at the crisis center yesterday evening and explained our concerns that they don’t just dope him up and let him go in 3 days, when he really needs real help. The doctor said he is completely out of touch with reality right now. He’s been spiraling since September, but I had no idea he was schizophrenic. He was smoking weed as well so I just assumed he was paranoid from that. I just found out about th schizophrenic a few weeks ago.

I’m so sad. I hate to see him in there. He’s such a good, loving, warm hearted individual when he’s “normal”. Not to mention he’s freightened to death. I know he needs the help though so I feel better knowing he’s where he needs to be and can’t hurt himself or anyone else. Only thing now is my apt complex has a trespassing warrant on him & know exactly who he is, what he looks like and what car he drives, so there is no way he can come back here.

I don’t even know or care if anyone reads this but it feels really good to get it all out. I haven’t really told anyone any of this and holding it in is NOT helping.

Signed -

Emotionally & Mentally exhausted


#7

Its good he is in the hospital. And despite all the damage, he didn’t hurt himself or anyone else. And you didn’t have to call the police yourself, so consider that a plus. I hope for everyone’s sake the hospital does the responsible thing and petitions to keep him for a longer stay. If he can’t return to the apartment, and there is no place else for him to go, that might actually work to your advantage for the hospital to hold him longer. He needs the time, and you might too. If he hasn’t signed releases yet for you to participate in care, that would be your most important next step. Then you can work with the social worker and other staff.

Been thru lots of similar problems with my son, I know how it hurts.


#8

Its hard - who can you talk to this stuff about. Most friends and extended family have no idea of the types of things that go on and have a very hard time relating.

Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you’re making progress and are moving in the right direction. There will be hicups along the way - trust me on that tone - but just keep working on it.


#9

I’m glad he got to the hospital and hope he receives the treatment he needs.

You are probably in shock and need care for you. Basics like nutritious food and sleep are a start. Maybe there is a NAMI Family and Friends support group near you so you can meet people to talk to.

I hope everything goes okay.

Vallpen is right that in some states if a person will be homeless they are less likely to be released from the hospital as quickly.


#10

Thank you all for the words of encouragement… It’s nice to know that there is support for this and we all need it. Myself & his mother expressed our concerns to his counselor and they’ve decided to keep him for 30 days. His counselor said he’s “performing poorly” and out of touch with reality. Said he’s very polite and respectful but all they can really get out of him is that he loves his daughter… I go see him everyday, sometimes twice but we have a one year old so finding a sitter isn’t easy. It’s kind of weird. For the past couple of months I just wanted to run away from him, however now all I wanna do is love & support him. Encourage and help him. When I visit him I encourage him and remind him that we love him unconditionally.

Today his sister came to visit and she was very insensitive. He mentioned “if I’m a nobody then why am I on tv?” Obviously a delusion and she said “saying crazy shit like that is why you’re in here”… I wanted to kill her. He instantly froze and got angry… After I had him smiling and talking. I told him that I’m sorry he Is going through this & that we’re here to help him with that. Trying to do a lot of research so I can help him the best I can. And know how to react to him without calling him crazy.

If you all don’t mind… What are your experiences with schizophrenia? Any advice?

I’m going to schedule myself some therapy… I believe it would be beneficial. It’s hard handling all of this, working and still putting a smile On my face for my children. I’m sure you all understand. I know I’m not alone.


#11

@InLove

I am very sorry you’re going through this with your Fiancé. My son is in the hospital too. He has been in the hospital for 2 weeks now. My husband and I are new to this. My son was just diagnosed 7 months ago and this is his 3rd hospital stay. My heart just aches for him because he’s only 24 years old. This isn’t the life my husband and I had planned for him. I will tell you this…,It’s a roller coaster ride. If your fiancé is like my son, he’s not sick and he don’t need any medication. My son is paranoid Schizophrenic and he’s Biploar. He has no insight to his illness. They call it anosognosia. My son will take his Meds and then once he feels better. He won’t take them anymore and won’t see a doctor. Then his symptoms comes back worse than before. What i have learn is not to argue with him about his delusions. We try to keep him stress free, but when he thinks about his delusions he gets mad and stresses himself out…This site is great because you see that you’re not alone…Read as much as you can about Sczhopheria and use this time for you to relax while he’s in the hospital. He is safe in there. I have had my good and bad days of crying and not wanting to go anywhere, but to work and back, but I had to remind myself to take a little time for me. I will pray for you and your family. God bless us all!


#12

Thank you so much!!! I think they only people who really understand are the ones who actually have to deal with it. I opened up to my mother about it today and she said “are you sure he’s not doing this for attention?” … Wow! Really! So I most certainly appreciate all the advice and stories on here…

I’m sorry you’re going through this with your son. And I hate to hear that he’s having a hard time with it. Seems like some are affected more then others. Today my guy was feeling much better, yet still out of touch with reality. He whispered that he was gonna stop taking the medicine. I told him the medicine is why he was feeling better & if he keeps taking th medicine he will get to come home… I think that is going to be the biggest hurdle. Getting to realize that they have the illness. The success stories come from those that accept that they have it and then accept treatment… Them not having the insight makes the struggle worse.

I really hope your son gets on a good treatment plan and meds… I know how mentally & emotionally draining it can be. It sucks how the illness creeps up when they’re young and really starting to live. My fiancé is 32, we have a one year old. It breaks my heart to think that for the rest of our daughters lives, she will be stressed out about her dad. Jesus take the wheel! I pray for peace of mind… For all of us…

Xoxo


#13

It can take quite some time to find the medication that works best for an individual, and even longer for someone diagnosed with schizophrenia to gain good insight into the illness. Also family members struggle with the diagnosis - even I have sometimes in the past wondered - could he control this? But then, there is NO WAY he would choose this as his life.

We are currently in a good place - finally on a med that is effective and we are showing mutual respect and appreciation for each other. Still providing lots of support, still know I want things to be better for him, but much easier for now.


#14

I don’t think you should assume that. It is not a good place to start really, is it? There may be stressful times, but it is not likely to be unremitting once his treatment starts working and if he takes medication. For about 28 days out of every thirty my son shows no symptoms at all these days. He is on depot injections and it is only at the end of the month that he starts to get grumpy and suspicious, but only like an old man, not something really scary. try to work on getting the meds right. the longer my son is on meds, the more he looks back and can see how he wasn’t thinking straight for a long time.


#15

@Vallpen - I’m so glad you guys are in a good place. You give me hope for a positive outcome. I know there will be hiccups along the way, but just to get them on meds and wanting help is a big accomplishment. How many meds did your son have to try before finding something effective?

I will continue to pray for everyone. I believe prayer and positive thinking, with lots of love, support and encouragement will help tremendously.


#16

@Hatty - You’re absolutely right… I was in a negative place that day. And like you said, there will def be stressful times, but having a negative attitude doesn’t help. I’m trying my hardest to ignore those negative feelings and be more positive now. It helps that he did admit to me that he does hear voices and does think he needs help. He cried and said he was embarrassed and I just comforted him and reminded him that I’m here for him no matter what.

I really appreciate the encouragement. It’s refreshing to know that people are doing good on meds. I can handle a few bad days, we all have them, as long as he stays going in the right direction. How long did it take for your son to find the right medication?


#17

@InLove, I have lost track, but in the last 4 years, at least 5. In many cases, there would be some initial response, but then the effectiveness would decrease. The pdoc would increase the dose, but eventually reach a point where he felt would not be beneficial to increase the dose. At least one med caused so much weight gain that the pdoc decided it was not good to continue using it, and one seemed to actually increase symptoms - or maybe it was just that it was completely ineffective, so as the previous med, that was kinda working washed out of his system, he worsened.

Of course there was a lot of experimentation with adding mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety meds, and anti-depressants as well.


#18

@InLove

How is your fiancé doing? I am just stopping by to show you some love. I will continue to pray for you and all family members. God bless!