Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How to get the Fiancee with Schizophrenia to leave


#1

I like to know what how to remove my Fiancee from my life. I have known her for 9 months now and lives with me. When we met she was probably homeless (she claims she is a millionaire, but can never share money with a man because that make him a pimp)). From some information I have and my personal observations she is probably has schizophrenia plus alcohol abuse. When she drinks she behaves in aggregated erratic state, talks out loud to the spirits, has delusions, preaches LOUDLY for hours, has no concept of peoples boundaries (or need for sleep), and proclaims she is the truth and the light and Love and has self-centered visions of grandeur. These rants will go on for 15 hours or so until she sleeps and will repeat. Any form of communication during this time is impossible.

She did drink sparingly since we were together but communication was possible and manageable. She did stop drinking for 6 weeks after she binged for 7 days (she said it was the first time in 20 years) and she had big personality change and was more serine and functional. Even in this sober state she could never admit she has any issues. Mainly from the philosophy that we are all part of the divine spirit and therefore perfect.

She a new age spiritualist i.e tarot, tantra, ‘I am’, heal yourself, Dyer, atolle, opra, Shankar, Lemaorin, Chrystals, Goddess worship(herself that is), change your DNA, but interprets many of the new age spiritualists in an unusual way. She also believes she is one of that 5 sentient beings that are spiritually changing the world so she is always drained from doing no work at all, in addition to believing she is beyond all the spiritual leaders and they are all her students. Even in a sober state she refers to herself as ‘we’ not I, proclaims that all Doctors are liars and all medicine is no good and she can heal herself of everything. So having her seek any treatment voluntarily is not going to be possible.

She started drinking again two months ago. In addition to her normal erratic state she has become verbally abusive, has more delusions, now with paranoia and wrecked her car twice. She would create the most absurd and obscene accusations about how I was the problem and how I am killing everyone around me, abusing her, etc…

I have tried to cope with this by putting in earplugs and listening to mediation music a full volume and telling myself not to engage in discussion with her in her self proclaimed ‘Deep’ state and not to get angry at what she says. This does help me but it is isolating me.

I am a recovered Alcoholic myself with ADD and I have helped some recover, and been around many with mental issues. In many cases they can at least can acknowledge or recognized their behavior while drinking (not necessarily accepting it, but at least knows it exists. In her case she cannot acknowledge physical evidence, videos, or the reaction of others to her.

At this point I can not longer have her around me. She is impacting my ability to do my job, I can’t have my children come over and be exposed to the never ending loud preaching and crazy activity and I cannot no longer operate on almost no sleep. She actually met my daughter at the door crying and told I was abusing her, all of which is a delusion. She also bursts into the neighbors house uninvited giving speeches about evils of anal sex and fucking is not love etc etc.

At the moment we had to leave my townhouse while it is being repaired and we have been ask to leave two places already because of her behavior and I don’t know how long we can stay at our current location. I am running out of money to even find a place to stay.

I checked the emergency mental services in LA and they said that can come out to evaluate her but cannot commit unless she is a danger to herself or other. and all treatment will have to be voluntarily. I just don’t know how to get her out. Her family has disowned her.


#2

I knew someone similar though maybe not that extreme… I don’t think you have my solution available…my wifes ghost haunted her out…
If she bursts into the neighbors place uninvited, technically that is a form of burglary. Maybe talk to your neighbors secretly about doing something. Like they could call the cops and say she has major mental problems and maybe they will take her to a hospital.
You could also engage the deceiving spirits that make her spiritually delusional but sounds like there is a whole bunch going on there. They would need broken and bound, and also she would need some sort of support and possibly restraint in the process… a big mess it sounds like.


#3

I thought it was going to be a joke.


#4

Remember that Schizophrenia is a disease it’s not the person. If someone went to a hospital with a broken arm would the doctor’s turn him away because the bone wasn’t sticking through the skin? No, but with mental illness we allow people to suffer and decay before our eyes.

It is not her fault or choice to act this way. She is powerless and needs our help.

You have to jump through the hoops that our culture has put in place for treatment of mental illness. You’re going to have to tell the doctors that she is a danger to herself(which believe me she is, because if she stays in this state for too long it will be harder to treat).

The reason why I’m telling you this is because I’d want someone to do the same for me.

I’m not a psychiatrist, so I don’t know what her diagnosis is, but you need to get her help as soon as possible.


#5

Well there is … one. :wink:


#6

I can’t help it - that’s what came into my mind. Maybe it was the wording saying ‘the’ Schizophrenic rather than ’ a’. Sounded like a generic Schizophrenic.


#7

I would agree to this myself. I was admitted to the hospital when I was fifteen and clearly “out-of-it” I wasn’t the second coming of Christ or anything that extreme, but I had my own delusional world I was living in. Since it was my parents and I was under age I couldn’t really argue to being treated at the hospital. I think if you tell the doctor’s at the psych ward that she is a danger, and impairing your ability to function (therefore a danger to you) then they should be willing to admit her, if you explain you are the one currently taking care of her.

I don’t know what the laws are like where you live, but if push comes to shove you may look into getting yourself a lawyer to help either have her committed or at least taken away from your home so you can go on functioning in your life. You may want to bring up to the doctors how you’ve been kicked out several places because of her behavior and how you’re afraid to have your children around her. This may help your case.


#8

I was also going to say she needs hospital. I was in hospital for 6 months. It took almost 2 years to recover enough to start working again after my “brain crash”.

Use the children excuse. You can’t be with your children because she scares them.

The nurse came to my house and checked me when I was psychotic. They asked me if I wanted to follow them to ER. Strangely enough I said YES! Then I was locked up for half a year. Let them come and check on her. Maybe she will go peacefully?


#9

Hi, what will they do when she gets out of the hospital if you don’t want to have her around you? I see the situation you’re in, but before you try and hospitalize her, you need to find her a good place to live if you are leaving her. She might get better when she gets out, and if you’re trying to get her hospitalized it’d be messed up if when she got out she had nowhere to go.

Schizophrenia affects a person’s behavior, but the person you see who is ill is not the same person you might see if they weren’t anymore. A lot of people don’t want to take medication because it makes them feel like they’re missing something, but if you have schizophrenia medication for awhile can help correct the issues. I don’t know for certain how they work, but I have been on medication and am different than then when I am off it or was in the past. I think I’m cured though.

I never had the extreme symptoms some people had, but ended up with this diagnosis. I had more of the mania and dysphoria. Schizophrenia is now thought to be on a spectrum according to the person, coping skills, severity of symptoms.

You should help her. You devoted time to your relationship and love her, she is not in control of her symptoms.

A huge part of schizophrenia is that it takes away your insight when you are having symptoms of that type. It can cause a lot of emotional and psychological suffering as well. If you respond out of kindness and not fear then it’s helpful. When undergoing the psychotic state, a person may appear not to be aware, but the point is to coax out the awareness. My father never agreed with my delusions and was strong willed enough that I can remember being psychotic and his honesty brought me back. Medications worked but it really is about re-training your mind, breaking the symptoms down, and bringing insight to the person.

Medications like Abilfy brought insight to me and stopped me from being paranoid.


#10

That you refer to her as “the schizophrenic” instead of your fiancee in the title of this post really kind of pisses me off. Nice how you go through a laundry list of her faults too.


#11

Yeah. It’s like saying “the dog” or the cancerous being.


#12

I will ask that everyone try to keep your help on a positive note. He is suffering too and also needs a safe place to vent.

Welcome @Taoist to the forum.

Perhaps try to have someone come and evaluate and see what happens. Maybe the person seeing her will make a judgement that those on the phone would not make. I think it’s worth a try. If this doesn’t work then maybe a women’s shelter could be looked at. I agree that your children do not need to be exposed to this and putting them and even yourself and your livelihood first is not wrong. I don’t know what part of LA you are in but maybe this list of shelters can help. You can’t make her sign in however you can drop her off at one and she can decide for herself if she wants to enter. Maybe someone there can get her the help that she needs.

http://namila.org/resources/housing/shelters/


#13

Yes, my reply wasn’t very positive. I’ll admit I was pretty offended by this thread. I’ve edited my reply to make it a little less negative.

As for the original poster, you don’t seem to care for this woman, it should be easy to leave her. I would imagine that cutting her out of your life would be similar to how anyone cuts someone out of their life.


#14

From reading carefully, it seems that for the first seven months you were together, things were OK or very good. I am assuming it was in those months that you became engaged to be married. It seems that in the last two months she has started drinking and become unbearable to you, although you are quite patient (the headphones story and the 15 hours preaching convinces me of that). At the same time, you are becoming angry at her lack of insight and cooperation with you (“the schizophrenic”). So, sit her down and tell her you are breaking off your engagement and you want her to leave. You can find her a place and take her stuff there and leave her there. You can change your locks and leave her bags outside. You can move and leave her behind. There are fifty ways to leave your lover.

But I think you know all that so you don’t want to do that. You want to help her or at least not leave her completely helpless with all bridges burned behind you.

I go for, “She’s a danger to herself and others.” Tell them she’s dangerous to your kids. And she’s bursting into people’s houses. She could easily get shot in the US for that. I’d try that first.

If that doesn’t work, can you put her out of the house and then report her as being in danger on the streets? I don’t know how it works in the US, but in the UK that would get her quite a lot of help.


#15

Come on, don’t tell him to lie. Clearly she isn’t a danger or she’d have been committed already. That’s as bad as the Treatment Advocacy Center and their “turn over the furniture” advice.


#16

You are right not to lie but I thought her behaviour is dangerous. Maybe I am not right about the children, though. I read it again. When I first read it I was thinking from the point of view of the child - it seemed quite threatening, but maybe there’s no physical threats. According to the writer, though, she has “wrecked her car” twice. Presumably she was inside it. In the UK just that would cause a lot of reaction from the health services. You can be refused a licence for driving while psychotic! And your insurance becomes invalid so it’s a crime too. So she would definitely be classified as a danger to herself and others. Probably after being arrested for it.

Anyway, it seems he has reached his personal limit but doesn’t want to see her homeless.

Are you completely against involuntary committal?

I have to say that I did everything possible to make sure my son didn’t end up on the streets because in such a state he was so plainly vulnerable (to everybody except himself of course) but thankfully he has never drunk alcohol or used narcotics and he retained some insight. He did some strange stuff but went to ask for help from some friends in the middle of “saving the world.” And then was quite compliant and “came down” without drugs within 24 hours.

I have never had to cope with what is being described here.


#17

Your fiancee sounds manic. The not sleeping and the grandiose delusions. You can be psychotic from bipolar disorder. It sounds like she has no insight which is common with mental illness. In the US treatment is voluntary which in some ways sucks because the person doesn’t realize how sick they truly are. The only way you can force treatment is if the person is a danger to themselves or others, which is left open to interpretation. It has often been joked that a person either has to be trying to kill themselves in front of their psychiatrist or trying to kill their psychiatrist in order to be committed. So there is not much you can do. If you really do not want her in your life then ask her to leave. Just know that when a person is on meds they can be a completely different person. If you want to stick by her in hopes she will get treatment and become the woman you feel in love with, I would have an intervention with her when she is not drinking. Try giving her an ultimatum. Either she gets treatment or she has to leave. While it is not her fault that she is mentally ill, it is her responsibility to treat it. And this can’t be the first time she is hearing that she needs help. Just consider this, her brain is sending her bizarre signals so she is acting bizarre. Because her reality is skewed, she thinks the abnormal is normal. Good luck to you and her. :sunny:


#18

Not at all, but I am strongly against twisting the truth or outright lying to get someone committed. If she is in real danger or hurting herself or someone else then by all means force her to get the help she needs.


#19

Don’t you put wrecking her car and bursting into other people’s houses into the “danger” category? I do. I think I must be a complete wuss!


#20

People without mental illness do those things all the time. You’re reaching.

Clearly we disagree but I’m not going to waste any more time arguing with you.