Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Finally admitted himself

Thank you @Vallpen and all for your input. From what you have expressed it sounds like good advice, maybe I may use in the future.
Take care all, AnnieNorCal

Just so you all know how imperfect I am at this whole thing -

For some reason I haven’t figured out yet, something triggered my son earlier this week, and he has been pretty horrible to me.

I have been okay at holding back, but when the verbal abuse is relentless, it is soooo hard - a person just wants to come to their own defense, and try to inject some reason into a situation. But ANY kind of response just seems to make things worse - even eye contact gets turned against me, no matter how neutral I attempt to stay.

I hope this is just a blip and will settle down soon. But this is why it is so hard to relax about this illness - it seems capable of causing pain at any time.

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Hi Vallpen,

It’s not that we are imperfect; it’s that we are dealing with an illness that is difficult to understand and defies logic at times. Your son’s abuse probably has nothing to do with you. It happens to me, too, and my husband isn’t anywhere close to where I am…all our interactions are over the phone. If I say I’ve had a good day, he is triggered because he’s homeless and isn’t having a good day. If I say I have had a not so great day, he is triggered because I am “being negative.” I read “I Am Not Sick; I Don’t Need Help” and am trying my best to employ the techniques, but so far everything has backfired. I am at the point where although I miss my husband terribly and want to hear his voice and talk with him so much, his verbal abuse is too much for me to deal with and I am limiting the frequency of our conversations.

I hope that your son does settle down soon or that you are able to find a place to go or someone to talk with for relief. :purple_heart:

Wow! Haven’t been here in awhile but wanted to tonight…so glad I found this post! I am dealing with this very situation right now. I am out of ideas with this verbal abuse—today it became physical - for the 2nd time.
I take groceries to him every weekend but I may decide to just drop them off on his steps. He is very good at speaking calmly before I get there but blows up as soon as I get there. Can’t do this anymore.
Think I’m going to tell him to stay on meds or it’s all over. I can’t even discuss this with him because he talks over whatever I’m saying immediately. He is 42 years old and we have been doing this since he was 19…it doesn’t seem to matter if I do— or I don’t. It doesn’t change anything with him. He is just getting more abusive as he gets older.

Hello to all of you,
Wow! You are all so wonderful, wish I had something to add. I admire you all for the things you deal with.
Bless you all, AnnieNorCal

My son has not been diagnosed yet as schizophrenic however I know it is coming. I read about the verbal abuse and I was wondering if any of your loved ones had a tendency to pick out one person and dislike them and focus on negative things about them since their younger days? My son who is now 21 has a history of being verbally abuse to his sisters at different times while they were growing up. It was usually things like “you’re not that smart” or “you’re just dumb” pretty much stuff you see siblings say to hurt each other. But he was relentless about it. It ended up getting so bad with his younger sister a friend finally told me that she felt he was causing emotional damage to her. Now that he is older and had his first psychotic break at 19 from a drug overdose his verbal aggression and violence is all directed toward me. I am 55 and the thought of living this way for the rest of my life is overwhelming. I have noticed that when he takes the Olanzapine he gets worse, almost immediately.

Dear bridgecomet,

Please do not continue to subject yourself to physical abuse. Your loved one (son?) needs to know that it is not OK and that you will be open to discussion when he has received help and is no longer physically abusive. I feel so bad that this is happening to you.

If you’re not sure how to address it, contact an abuse hotline. There are ones that are national, I believe. If you need someone to talk with, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in victims of abusive behavior. You have been abused for a long time and deserve to not be subjected to this behavior any longer and to recover.

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Hi swillis,

My husband definitely does target me for all the abuse. When we first met, he used to rage at his mother and father over the phone, but they have both disowned him and hang up if he happens to be able to contact them, so now he concentrates all his energy on me.

Does your son live with you? If so, leave the house whenever he starts to rage at you. If he doesn’t live with you, you are fortunate that you can tell him you won’t listen to his abuse and will talk with him later. Then hang up and unplug the phone if you have to or block his calls. My husband won’t stop calling and I had to unplug the house phone and turn off my cell phone so he had the police over to do a check on me but now the police know what’s going on and they don’t respond to his threats, either.

If there is any way you can talk with his care provider about the poor attitude with Olanzapine, that might be helpful. There are so many prescriptions out there and he might need a different one.

Finally, don’t suffer with overwhelming feelings. See a therapist if you are able, or at least talk about what’s going on with someone who understands. Take care of yourself.

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@LifeIsHard, thanks for the encouragement. My son turned his attitude around, and we had a better remainder of the week.

@bridgecomet, I’m so sorry to hear about what you are dealing with. Absolutely DON’T let things get physical. That is truly my line in the sand. It is so sad and scary. I’d really not even suggest medication if he is in this state of mind - it is unlikely to sink in anyway, and might make him more deadset against it. That’s my opinion anyway. My son has typically turned anything I say against me in these situations.

I learned the hard way that you can provide information - they usually listen to loved ones that have some accurate information (prior meds, other hospitalizations/diagnosis) but they will not share info with you unless your husband signs HIPAA paperwork. I have a legal power or attorney and often they need to ask him to sign the HIPAA form just to share anything with me.

When you call- you can ask him to do so so that you can help him more. Be thankful he is getting care.

If you are in contact with the medical staff- they need to know what options he has for after the acute care is over. Can he come home to you? what other supports does he have? Do you think he will be med compliant?
Best of luck.