Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Stressed Out!


#1

I feel like I just don’t want to answer the phone for awhile because my son is constantly asking me to let him out of long term facility and live at home. He get’s very irritable and I am sooooo stressed out!!! He says he is hurting himself and punching walls because he wants to get out of there and live at home…God give me the patience and get rid of the guilt knowing that I’m doing the best thing for my son at the moment and that is keeping him on meds and stable. Thank you everyone on this forum it really helps me to write about my feelings and ask questions to people that are going through the same thing~~~~I feel like I’m dealing w/ this all alone and I’m sure glad you guys are here for me…


#2

Until he learns to control himself and NOT hurt himself or any property, he is exactly where he needs to be.
Threatening harm to self and property is NOT acceptable in a home situation.
It’s okay if you don’t answer the phone, your strength in not giving in to him will benefit the both of you.
Don’t let the guilt control you, he is not as fragile as you think. He will be okay…and so will you.


#3

Sometimes hospitals become counter-productive after an amount of time.


#4

Don’t answer the phone. If you have an answering machine and it is an emergency then he can leave that message.

I agree with @csummers

I’m guessing if he was really punching walls etc that the facility would be doing something about it. He may be playing on your sympathies.

Turn off the phone, put on some music and do something relaxing. Go for a walk at a park. Make a tea and curl up with a book.


#5

I hate to say it, but when I wanted to come home I would get very melodramatic and cry and tell my parents I was doing all sorts of self destructive stuff that they actually knew the hospital would never put up with.

My parents would do a wellness check when I was getting too “drama queen”. But they still refused to pull me out of the hospital. I did go through a deep anger phase. But they still held firm. I was in hospital when a nurse turned my head around and made me see exactly what a little brat I was being. It was a tiny grain of insight that began to grow.


#6

Hello,
I am new to this forum. I have a 42 year old son who developed schizophrenia at the age of 20. He’s had 4 breaks. The last hospitalization was in 2008. I’ve seen him catatonic, hearing voices, paranoid, etc. He’s the sweetest man you will ever meet. But, since his last psychotic break, his personality has changed dramatically. He is more delusional, very defensive, extremely argumentative, and most difficult to reason with!! One example: his smoke alarm was beeping, since he doesn’t take advice well at all, I told him that he needed to change the battery. His reply was, no mom, when it beeps it means the alarm is OK. There’s been so much off balance thinking that I think I’m going crazy myself. I began to dislike him more following the 4th hospitalization. His irritability is quite serious, his impatience, his impulsivity, just not like the way he was a few years ago, even though he was ill. I’ve broken ties with him after 20 some odd years of paying bills, entertaining his friends at holiday time, cooking all meals, and just trying to survive. I don’t find him credible or truthful. When I say how sweet he is, he loves to buy me gifts - even bough me a BOSE radio which he’s taken back. He has called me terrible names; harlot, murderer, liar, slanderer, on and on. I am 72 years old with no family of my own. I finally wrote him a letter after hearing him say, he had every right to speak to me anyway he liked. I wrote him a letter that told him he has a mental disability, that he should talk with his doctor honestly, and on and on. This followed a telephone call from a friend who said he was concerned about my son. They were watching something online they had created playing guitar and this friend said Rob seemed arrogant and condescending to other players, and then said something over the Mic which was very inappropriate. This friend said he had to break the relationship with my son for now at least. My son texted me that I was a f------pig, that he doesn’t want to be called when I’m sick or dead. Yes, these were his words. I still have them on my phone. He also threatened me by saying, he would slash my f-------- tires if I drive near his apartment. This is the first apartment he’s ever had totally on his own. I feel so saddened it has come to this as he and I were close. He won’t talk about his illness, his medication, his doctor. Oh, he said one time that his doctor was the stupidest man in the world! Of course. One time I mentioned NAMI to him, he began using filthy language and threw the pasta I had given him all over the outside of my apartment building. I am an active 72 - year old, when in shape, still bike, I knit, have a very clean home, love to cook dinner for friends. I’m just explaining this so you all won’t think I’m some kind of, whatever. My heart cannot take anymore. When he told me he had the right to talk to me anyway he liked, I answered, well yes if you’re delusional. He’s very angry with me and I told him I can’t see him until I speak to his doctor. That’s what made so angry and the letter I sent. Thank you all so much!

I’ll sign this, Hurting


#7

Welcome to the forum @roses43tulips and good for you on standing up for yourself.

It sounds like your son is a bit out of control with symptoms which is unfortunate. However you have every right to not let him talk to and treat you like that. Hopefully he will make the decision to seek treatment. :purple_heart:


#8

Hi @roses43tulips and welcome to the forum. I know it’s a sad circumstance that you’re here but you’ve come to the right place to find a “shoulder to cry on”.

That’s a tough situation you are in. It sounds to me like your son is in a psychotic phase. Do you know if he is taking medications? — what is his history with medications?

If you feel threatened by him, you may want to consider having him committed at some point.


#9

Stay strong @pattywagon1 – I know it’s hard to do though, I’ve been there. He is where he needs to be.


#10

This disease is like Alzheimer’s in the personality changes and it does hurt and you grieve. You love your child and you become the enemy. My son was my best friend and I lost him. I will always love him. I will pray for all of you.


#11

I went through a phase where I was terrified everytime the phone rang. Same situation as you are having. He is where he is supposed to be. You are a mom-I think guilt comes with the territory. Give yourself a break and dont answer the phone unless its an emergency, or you want to talk to him. Peace to you.


#12

Welcome-so sorry you are dealing with this! His talk is very hurtful and not allowed.
Even if you stop talking to him, he is going to get into trouble soon and lose his apartment. He sounds very out of control. I would stay away until he gets help. if he threatens you, you have the right to a restraining order. Since he is mentally ill, he will probably be put in the hospital. Either way,sounds like he is heading in that direction anyway.
Hope I am not scaring you. Just be aware that he sounds very delusional and symptomatic. He will not listen to you. NAMI may be good for you for support and ideas. Good luck and take care of yourself.


#13

Thanks SurprisedJ thank you for sharing your experience and giving me hope for my son…


#14

Thanks for the support csummers!


#15

hi bridgecomet I will give myself a break for awhile and yes everytime phone rings it makes me nervous so I just turn ringer off of my cell and put it away somewhere so I can’t see who is calling and I just check my phone throughout the day…Thank you


#16

Hi BarbieBF I turned off ringer and went to beach and it was a nice day! Thank you


#17

Thank you laursvineyard and prayers to u!


#18

Thank you lovemyson…


#19

Sending prayers to you and your son roses43tulips !!!


#20

My son behaved like that in the years before his diagnosis. Same insults too. Making him be independent has forced him to get a diagnosis and treatment and stick with it. Most of the time he is now actually sweet to me again. I hope your son gets there too. Stay strong.