Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Finding it very hard with BF - un-met needs/stress.. (...)


#1

Been going out with my boyfriend for a year now. I feel so depleted and overwhelmingly stressed with this relationship as I just cannot get any of my basic needs met, yet I care about him and he thinks I’m the one. We are in our early 30s and I have an anxiety disorder.

He doesn’t work and goes about his days looking up people on facebook at their profile pictures - thinking that they mean something to him and offending him. He also thinks many people want to look at his page all the time as though he is famous or something. Thinking that its a job to create his page.
He also like to take lots and lots of selfies of himself in the bathroom mirror all looking the same and spend quite some time just going through them, looking at them and uploading them to facebook. Its quite disturbing as its not just one - but over 10 or more at a time.

He is on Risperdal injections every fortnight and thats been going for years.

From the beginning, altho he asked me out- I was the one taking him out- using all my resources and even money. Being very naive about schizophrenia and not knowing anything really other than the psychosis part.

He basically wants to be around me all the time- but yet not have any life in him to be able to take me out or initiate anything. I feel like its my duty to make him happy and entertain him all the time and Ive gone so far as to the point where I easily feel the weight of resentment and emotional numbness from over doing it all of the time.

I ended up giving up my own life to be in his - staying over his place all the time ( he lives in his parent’s garage) - giving up my responsibilities at home and driving back and forth from my place to his and packing my things all the time - even when I was exhausted from work- feeling like there was no time for myself at all - him being so demanding yet when I was with him- he would almost be like I wasn’t even there- unless he made a conscious decision to do so. I go and still do - out of my way for him and then feel so drained because its so hard for him to give me any of the smallest needs most of the time. And that hurts.

He displays apathy and unable to even talk to me half the time. Yet when he does talk - its very immature behaviour like a child joking about and it seems the only way to communicate with him mostly. Yet its different with other people. He can be more respectful with them somehow.

He has issues with his money too and his father seems to withhold his pension from him. He is on a looking for work pension- rather than a disability one- and I get frustrated because his parents dont seem to want to help him or acknowledge that that is what he should be on and that would help him greatly. His father gives him $20 notes every now and then and it sux going out with my partner for the day and he cant even afford anything beyond that because his father withholds his money. Even knowing that he is in a relationship with me, and knowing that I am the one who prob will have to fit the bill when we go out somewhere maybe.
I feel like his parents are both enablers. His sister also has schizophrenia.

I just feel like he is withdrawn and emotionally dead- but yet will go out of his way to see me - but not be able to communicate with me and always seems depressed and stuck at his house. When Im at work or doing other things at home ( I had to be assertive to do that) Ill ask him what he is up to and he will just be stuck in his room doing nothing really. And it can make me feel so guilty because he will be waiting for me till I get back- even though I am so exahausted and all I want to do is go home to my own place- but ill end up pushing myself and making my tea and packing my bags to go over there to pease him. And everytime I know its not worth it.

He is never going to take me out or surprise me or do any of those things and there is just no future with him as a partner. But yet Im still in this relationship.

I think I need a break from him or to take it slower and not see him as much. But I dont know how to go about it in telling him so without him feeling offended as he rocks up at my place all the time - esp in the mornings.


#2

I understand what you’re going through. Talk to his parents about it. If they don’t decide to get him help, then you should really leave.