Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Sz Boyfriend: New Relationship Worried He's Isolating


#1

TLDR: Have been with bf for 2 months. His diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia was 4 years ago. He displays emotional detachment behaviors. Stressful time last 2 weeks with surprise expenses and trouble making ends meet. Currently on day 4 of little to no communication(he’s online and even sometimes reads my messages) since I went to visit my parents. I’m worried he’s isolating. Is there anything I should be doing? I’m trying to give him his space and not be overbearing with messages( send maybe 3 a day, good morning, thinking of you, etc) it’s hard to not take it personally, so I’m trying to be patient with him, but due to past relationships lack of communication worries me. I want to do whatever I can to help him and not be a stressor. He’s an incredible guy and I am so happy to have him in my life, but am lacking knowledge on how to handle these situations.


#2

yes, correct, you have to learn to live with all this illness brings and more, it is not easy for anyone…

Yes, correct


#3

He has schizophrenia. Don’t try to read other psychotype definitions into his behaviors.


#4

He will get completely lost in certain activities. My partner has managed 36 hour stretches online. It is hard not to take it personally or feel ignored, but he’s not ignoring you. I’m not sure how to word it but it’s like they’re mesmerized and lose all sense of time. I’ll say something to him and he’ll apologize and immediately go back to it. I’m not perfect so sometimes I get annoyed, but I try to do my own thing when this happens. You really can’t force them out of this focus. You kinda just have to wait it out.
Not sure if this helps, but you will experience this many times in this relationship so you need to work out a way of coping with it that works for you.


#5

@Mocawi Pardon me if you have already said so, but is your bf on meds for his scz?

Scz tends to cycle. There will be lighter days. What I was trying to say in my earlier message is that I think its best to not think of their behaviors as something like “emotional detachment” or as problems with your relationship. Their struggles can be alleviated with meds and supportive behavior therapy.


#6

You need to breakup with him or your entire life will be a living hell. There is also a more than 50% chance any children you may have together will inherit his illness. I do not mean to sound harsh but you will never have a good life with him. I told my schizophrenic son not to ever marry because of the constant roller coaster he is on. Good luck to you.


#7

That’s not true. Lots of people recover and have happy marriages and families. Over five years my son has recovered well, is delightful company and I hope he marries soon. Of course, immediately after his diagnosis I told my son that he could recover if he cooperated with his doctors so he has always had hope. I have never told my son that he is too difficult for someone to love because, as everyone knows, when a mother says that to her child, he will believe it and it will destroy all hope in him. While it can be very hard on carers, the answer to that is to get more help for the carer, not crush the heart of the sufferer.


#8

Hello, I am glad I joined this group! I need therapy due to my son illness. My son is on haldol injections and doing pretty well for the last two years, he is 26 and hope to find a woman to love and marry and start a family. I asked his doctor is that possible she said yes but of course there is a risk that his child will come out with the illness. I want him to take that risk because there is also a chance that the child can come out not having the illness. Everyone needs love. If your boyfriend is not a danger to you or anyone then just be patient and educate yourself more about his illness but if you fear that he is or if he become dangerous than run fast and the same goes for any person ill or not your life is not worth risking.