My BF has schizophrenia. Help


#1

I knew this guy, he is kind heart, loving and talkative. We get clicked to each other easily and after together , he told me that he has schizophrenia.

At first, he was so sweet and will text me everyday . Even when he is busy work, he also eager texting with me…after we tgt, he slowly changed. He suddenly quit his job just because he dislike it. And he is jobless now. He start to addicted in playing mobile games and ignore me…

We often argue about these small matters . The way he doing things cannot make me feel secure . I realized he always promise me something sweet when he is in good mood but after a few second or next day, he will deny it. Does anyone with schizophrenia also act like this?? How to make them keep their promises?

He always late sleep, emotion unstable. When I tell him nicely about his problem ( on his bad habit) , he never change. So I slowly act like a mom and nagging him. I realized he easily impatient and will throw temper on me.
He just cracked my car windscreen and his own phone last time when we argue. He even throw my stuffs and break it … and he will kick my ass or abit rude to me like slap my thigh… I really don’t like this. Although he is not really hit me, I still hate men treat women in this way. I would still call it abusing …

Sometime argue , he said he feel want to hit me but he didn’t really do it. So I worry he will abuse me one day …

After a while when he calm down, he will come and say sorry and that he love me…

It make me exhausted… and I confusing whether his behavior and hurtful words are because of his own personality or influence by schizophrenia??

i feel mentally tiring and we keep argue over small things. I feel he is immature and not independence enough. He Is jobless and Doing nothing at home now. thats why we always argue.

I love him. But I really feel tiring when he cannot treat me properly or normally as a responsible BF… like I want him to text me often , having good life habits , give me attention, communicate with me , not shouting or violence … I think it is a super normal requirement as a normal girl.

Because he cannot do it, and his schizo might appear when we argue. So I got no idea how to change him…


#2

I have been seeing a special guy who told me he has schizophrenia and bi polar disorder two years ago. Our relationship did not get to the point of moving in yet or even meeting family or going out, it is just casual. But I have read alot and thought alot about long term relationships with this type of illness.

What I have learned so far, is that there will be alot of ups and downs in your relationship. With this type of illness you can’t always have perfect stability.

Your boyfirend sounds like he may need treatment or to go see his doctor to adjust his treatment, but you can’t force him to go.

There may be times in your relationship where you can’t live together.

The part where you talked about your boyfriend having sleeping issues could be due to medication he is taking or a sleeping problem he is having with his symptoms.

Also, with the anger and the mood swings, he could have bi polar disorder as well, but I am not a doctor.

In my experience communication has been the biggest hinderance of my relationship, so most dating advice pages online will tell you to “talk to your partner” but that can be really hard for some who suffer schizophrenia.

Also, maybe living together–with his lashing out/mood swings, is a sign that he is struggling to meet the demands of the relationship and deal with his symptoms.

All the advice I can give you is to first decide if it is safe to remain living with him and if it is even beneficial to his symptoms, and second to try to communicate with him to tell you how he is feeling with the hopes that he opens up to you about his stresses-but expressing emotions can be difficult with this illness–and then hoping he can get treatment from a doctor and a good solid routine, which could take some time.


#3

Hi thanks for your reply. actually my BF got eat medicine everyday. But sometime I realized he refused to eat despite I already put the medicine on table for him… but it should be not a big problem if he skipped to eat medicine for a day??

Now I ody moved out from him house. I feel that I don’t deserve all this treatment. I worry he won’t get his lesson or become worse in his temper if I continue stay tgt with him.

I realized he like to avoid problem as in he block the communication bridge when I try to communicate and solve our argument. He always asked me to leave it and things will be solved. When I try to talk to him, he feel I’m nagging him and he started become impatient and that’s why we argue. He always being offensive,

Also; sometime he will say he hate me. But sometime he said he so love me…

Now he is jobless and doing nothing at home, keep addicted to game. As a normal gf; of course I cannot accept this. Because I think he should act mature and at least find a part time job or do something meaningful. I don’t want him to take his sickness as excuse when I try to tell him about his problem ( regarding jobless etc )

I wonder how to communicate with them when they have immature mindset or behavior ? Impossible I cannot complain him anything just because he has sickness right .


#4

I know I am not a doctor, but I think before he moves on to the next step of getting a job, or even volunteering, you need to find out how he is doing on his current medication—how was he before going on it and how is he now–and does he have any concerns with his medication.

For my boyfriend, weight loss and agitation, sleep and concentration were concerns he had (he did not tell me what med’s though). It has taken him months to get where he is now. I find progress is really slow. I keep a journal which helps. That way over a year you can see their ups and downs.

Also, it will take time to determine if he is doing well on his medication, for example, what is doing well for one person with schizophenia may not be the same for someone else.

Another thing that may help would be talking more to his friends and family, maybe they should help more with giving him his meds if he is lashing out at you.

I don’t have alot of advice about how to manage his lashing out, but I can say that when you start to sense he is getting irratated with something, you need to try to determine how to calm him down or diffuse the situation. Then when he in a better mood, hopefully you can talk to him to work on finding ways to calm himself down. This is something you or he could talk to the doctor about.


#5

i think the medicine problem is still ok. He actually still will listen to me and take his medicine… But yesterday, i found that he stole his grandma and my money… just because he has poor financial management and less motivated in work.

i dont think this is related to the schizo right? It is related to his own character and attitude problem.