Hi everyone. I found this site searching for support. My husband of 15 years was just involuntary committed yesterday. It has been a very difficult couple of days. He had been staying at his mother’s house the past several weeks because things had gotten so bad at home. We have two kids and I couldn’t have him around here anymore with his behavior. He reluctantly agreed to go stay with his mom. It was his mom that had him committed. I probably should have done it sooner but I was worried it would be a horrible scene for the kids. He was placed in a facility today after a 24 stay at a hospital. I feel broken that it came to this. He refused help time and time again. He did once agree to do a video call with a Dr. only to stop taking the medicine a couple weeks later. I would make an appt and the morning of he would always refuse.
He believes he is part of a large govt experiment and that everyone from neighbors to co-workers, to friends and even his own sister are all in this “network”. He believes they were beaming radioactive waves in our walls. He, suddenly one day, thought out daughter was being poisoned by the school lunches she was being served and refused to let her buy lunch anymore. He also believed someone was putting poison in our water and one night would not let me give our two year old a bath. He became someone I did not recognize anymore. The day before he was committed, he came to visit me and the kids at my parents house (I needed extra support) and he was very angry. Ranting that my parents had joined the network and he knew I had also been recruited. It was the scariest thing in this entire ordeal when he now believed I was the enemy. The one that had helped him the most. After several hours, he finally calmed down and left to go back to his mom’s house.
His mom called me the next day and told me was filing an order to have him picked up. He had been doing similar things at her house and making crazy claims. He has called me a few times and is very very angry with me. Even though I didn’t actually have him picked up, I did give a statement to the case worker when she called. He said he always knew I was involved and this was all part of my “plan”. I am scared sick. Over everything. I feel like the husband I knew is gone. It has been a nightmare for a very long time and sadly I have some relief knowing he is committed and can’t hurt himself or any of us.
My mind is all over the place but I am concerned legally, financially and for my safety when he’s released- however long that may be. I have no idea what to do. Would love any advice or just support in general.
So sorry you’re going through this, @hopeforhelp1212. Safety first. Yours and your children. It sounds like your parents and MIL are nearby and are very aware of the situation.That’s good; hopefully they can help if you and kids need to leave home. If you want to know about his treatment or condition, the facility/hospital may not tell you anything. If you want to know, try asking anyway and ask your husband to give authorization for them to talk to you.You’ll then know his status and, importantly, when they intend to release him. Don’t tell them or even indicate he can come back home or that you’ll pick him up on release if you don’t want that.
My experience with psych wards is that they push patients out well before they are ready. If you want to stay in the relationship and be involved in your husband’s treatment, there’s a lot to learn, and there are many on this forum who can help. If not, @j9sit has provided an alternative. Stay safe first and know we’re rooting for you.
I’m sorry this is happening to your family.
Whatever you end up doing about your relationship, feeling relieved about the hospitalization is normal. And even if he didn’t want to go there, it is going to eventually be a good thing for everyone. With all the stress you have been going through from your end, and the stress and anxiety he has experienced. Thinking that everyone was spying on him, up to something, trying to poison him and his children, even his own family. That is just horrible to live with.
So, he might not like it and be mad at you, but in the end it should change things for the better, even if you divorce him.
Post whenever you have questions or just need to vent or need support.
Well, is this his first episode? Judging by your reaction, I believe it is. Don’t file for divorce yet. Involuntary commitment may be able to get him the help he needs. Are you just gonna leave your husband and leave your kids traumatized with divorce after one episode? There maybe a chance that he can do very well if this is first episode psychosis. People do get better with this illness, the horror stories you read on here mostly relate the the worst case scenarios. If you love your husband and treasure your kids, see how he is after he leaves the psych ward and make your decision accordingly. He might be back to his normal self for all you know.
Involuntary commitment may be good for him. Perhaps he will stay on meds after his release, if he was on meds that worked before, I would fax to the hospital where he is being kept and let them know on one page the meds he was on that worked, that he stopped taking them, that this is his first hospitalization for mental illness.
After his release, I hope he can go back to his mom’s as that will keep the kids safe. Read the book “I’m not Sick, I Don’t Need Help” by Dr. Amador to understand better why the mentally ill often can’t see themselves as ill and so don’t want to take meds. Contact your local NAMI for support.
My adult daughter is doing very well, but was in a psychosis for 3 years after her sz started in 2016. It is very possible that your husband can overcome his psychosis, probably ONLY with the help of his mom and you. This site will help you feel not alone in your efforts to help your husband.
Welcome to the forum. You’ve come to the right place. In my opinion, don’t throw in the towel yet because there are many success stories here where people with MI have family and friends’ support have recovered enough to function normally. Of course life will never be the way it was before. It will be a new normal. They need us. So don’t give up without trying. Take care.
Hi @hopeforhelp1212, as a spouse who has gone through something similar with my husband (although with no kids to complicate the equation, thank goodness), in the absence of more information, I’m inclined to agree with @Terra, don’t make any big decisions just yet.
My main question for you would be: how happy were you in the marriage before the psychosis emerged? If your answer is that you felt happily married to a great guy, then I’d say do what you need to do to protect the kids but don’t leave the marriage yet. It sounds like it’s early days yet and you could get your husband back (with treatment).
If the marriage was shaky and you were considering leaving before the psychosis, then, yes, it’s probably time to make a change.
His mom did the right thing, he is sick and belongs in hospital. He has to take his medications otherwise there will be no peace or health. He is not reasoning, you can’t talk him out of his thoughts while he is in psychosis, there is nothing you can do for him the way he is. He has to play his part and take his medications or you will have to make alternative arrangements for you and your children. Remember this is a long process.
I have learned one enormous truth: there is no future with a loved one who does not stay in treatment. It is a sad and painful truth, and I wish it weren’t the case and hope someday we understand these brain disorders better. If your husband complies with medication and therapy and gains insight into how to manage his illness through this hospitalization, you may be able to forge some path forward. That’s the deal. There is no other. It’s awful, I know, and it’s some of the worst loss, but it is the deal. You can help him through his mom from afar, but you need to put your kids first.
Hi! I’m in Vermont also! And my daughter has been in the ER for the past 3 weeks waiting for a bed, hopefully she will soon be admitted to the state hospital in barre/berlin. This is one of many hospitalizations. She’s 23 & this all started when she was 17. It is a very heartbreaking illness for everyone.
I’m praying that this time they will actually take the time to actually diagnose her & medicate properly. The trouble is she has to be willing!! Which will be a long shot, since she swears there’s nothing wrong with her.
I’m still struggling with how to enjoy life while she is unable. Working with my counselor on that! What a life. I hope your son does well with Howard Center.
God Bless them & First Call.
