Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

First time poster-advice on how to deal with reasoning with wife?


#1

Hello everybody. This is my first post, my wife has very recently developed schizophrenia (just a few months) but within a very short time her symptoms and behavior has already become very extreme. She only got bad about 6 weeks ago so I’m just starting my journey on learning and dealing and finding out information what to do and came across this forum.

My main goal, which I recognize may take a while and have started reading a few books about, is how to get her to see a doctor.

But in the meanwhile I was wondering if anybody has any advice on an issue that crops up with her - she keeps insisting we go on vacation even though we only returned from one 3 weeks ago (it was at the start of the vacation her symptoms turn a dramatic turn for the worse and needless to say it was a nightmare, especially trying to get her home through airport security and on a long plane journey).
Anyway, if I say something rational like we can’t right now because I’ll lose my job, and we need the job to get money in order to go on vacation on the future. She says it doesn’t matter if I lose my job etc. And eventually she gets angry when I say we can’t go on another vacation right now. If I say maybe we could go in some months its no good diffusing the situation.

Any suggestions how to deal with this?


#2

Acknowledge her ideas and beliefs by actually repeating them back to her. “I hear you say that you would like to go on vacation.” You can add to the conversation without agreeing with her. “I like to go on vacation, too.” You might even talk about what you would do or where you would go on a future vacation if she continues to press with that. You could talk about other things that the two of you enjoy doing together on the weekends (perhaps things that involve less risk for being in public or far from home, for example).

I encourage you to see if there is a NAMI (NAMI.org) support group in your area and ideally, attend one of their free Family-to-Family classes. It is the best thing my spouse and I have done in this journey and we wish we had done it earlier in our son’s illness.


#3

Thanks for the response.
The problem is she wants to do it immediately - she wants to use the credit card to book a flight right that instance; yesterday she wanted to go to the airport. I’m worried if I say things like I want to go on a holiday too then she’ll want to proceed instantly and book something right away as I sounded like affirming that.

Unfortunately there’s only me and her, no family or friends. I wouldn’t be able to attend a NAMI without taking her along and she wouldn’t want to go somewhere with a group of strangers.


#4

Reasoning in a normal manner is impossible. Logic goes out the window with brain disorders. You have to be a bit more creative and sometimes practical to protect yourself --like closing the credit cards. If you have to have one, get it in your name only. Put restrictions on your credit report so new credit lines cannot be opened. There is not a lot you can do about her own credit without getting POA or guardianship.

Sometimes I have found asking questions and then stop talking does the trick. But it would be a good idea if you found a way to get some support, because you cannot argue delusions or hallucinations. Sometimes the bad behavior is neither…it is just bad behavior and you need to learn which is which. Best of luck in your journey.


#5

Hello Mungbeans. I’m sorry this has happened to you and your wife.

I’ve experienced a lot of this kind of irrational thinking with my son, and I’ve learned to “cut to the chase” and just say “No. That’s not going to happen. Not until you’re well enough”. Otherwise, the nagging won’t end.

It sounds like your wife is very ill at this time. Someday, if she is on the road to recovery, you might be able to “dangle the carrot” of a vacation, based on her following through with medical treatment. But, for now, be very careful that you don’t leave her access to money.

Is your wife on antipsychotic meds yet?


#6

Hello, no she not on any meds yet as won’t go and see the doctor.


#7

I try to triangulate these types of conversations with a third party who is in charge of the decision, usually a doctor or some other authority.

I don’t know if this advice will help, but:
In your case, if you have a boss or supervisor, tell your wife that person or the company’s policy or whatever authority says you can go on vacation on whatever date it’s actually possible. Tell your wife to start planning an affordable and interesting vacation for that date (probably in about a year or so??) and then enjoy it if she’s well enough when it’s truly okay with your work to take some time off.

Also, ask her to help with saving up money for the vacation because the credit card has reached its limit (your limit) and find some strategies to save money, like cash or pennies in a jar or money in the bank labelled “Vacation FUNd”.

Maybe I am being too optimistic.


#8

Sometimes it takes a big event to get her on meds. In the meantime some of us have tried sarcosine and some have had luck with this. It’s powder and can be put in smoothies or coffee. https://brainvitaminz.com/


#9

I want to get this for my son, have you seen results with this vitamin?


#10

I couldn’t get him to consistently take it. Others here on this forum have had some luck with this. I take it myself and it helps with moderate depression. I’ll start a separate thread for this and profrontal. Actually if you search for it there are discussions from last year that you can read.


#11

Thanks - I saw about Sarcosine on the meds page, but it says its for negative symptoms, its the positive (voices, hallucinations, delusions) which are the problem with her.


#12

Well lets ask the forum. I’ll start the post.


#13

I believe you should download the book, “I’m not Sick, I don’t Need Help” by Xavier Amador. It has tips for talking to the delusional that worked for me.

My daughter took her own credit cards and disappeared for a month to the beach to a hotel when she first became ill (2 years ago). I even filed a missing person’s report. When the cards ran out, she came home, she had no where else to go.

You cannot argue with your wife’s delusions or hallucinations. You might have to let her go on vacation alone (but lower the limit on the card to what you can manage.)

I am sorry for your situation.