Hello all, I am new to this forum and I am here because I don’t know where else to turn.
My girlfriend of 7 years and the mother of my 1 year old son has been in psychosis for at least 6 months. Bizarre and non-bizarre delusions, auditory and visual hallucinations, disorganized thoughts and speech… She believes people can hear her thoughts as well as steal them. She has been Jesus, God, Mother Nature, the Universe itself, the Supreme Ruler of the Universe as well as many other entities.
She has also done some cruel things that our relationship may never recover from. She has also been extremely agitated and has worked herself up to the point of violence against me numerous times. She was arrested for ADW and Domestic Battery a few weeks ago when she was trying to stab me with a screwdriver.
Her actions and attitude while in psychosis have absolutely devastated me. Broken my heart into a million pieces and she shows no remorse. Hasn’t expressed one second of guilt. She actually blames me for the things that she has done. It’s almost as if it is now impossible for her to accept responsibility for anything. She accuses me of horrible things on a daily basis. I eat babies. I molest children. I’m a serial killer. I’m in a Hitler cult. I married her cousin (who I’ve never met) and have invisible sex while my g/f is sitting next to me. I’m an undercover DEA agent. I “create situations” and kidnapped my own son.
I’ve been hearing these things daily for months along with tons of just absolute hate speech.
She believes she’s been enlightened and that nothing is wrong with her and as such has absolutely refused any medical attention. She was put on 72 hour psych holds twice. Both times she was released when the 72 hours was up with no meds, no prescriptions… No nothing.
I am truly heartbroken and devastated and I don’t know how to go about getting her the help she so desperately needs.
If I stay with her, something bad will happen and if I leave her, something bad will happen. I know this with every fiber of my being.
My health is declining. My stress levels are through the roof. I feel on the verge of a panic or heart attack all day every day.
Where do I turn? What do I do?
kid makes hard, been there done this for 25 years, on the front end nothing can be about you, the kid man,
if you wish to play, which will take a big set of balls and a superior focused mind 24/7
-
you and kid must sleep secure, separate secured bedroom, day care for kid while you work till kid is in school, this long term shit, cant sleep peaceful you fail
-
you must learn to blow it off as totally normal, play it, never get mad, never turn your back to the SZ, never leave SZ alone with kid, and it goes without say docs and meds to the end, you will have no friends, no social life, kid will grow with no friends, nothing will ever be normal again
-
long term plan, I did this shit for 24 years till SZ daughter moved out to apartment with bf, SZ wife lives my in primary house with me, fortified bedroom, 357 on night stand, second home in city for weekend piece and GF for 10 years, 6 foot full perimeter fence with barbed wire to keep her in, video surveillance watch while you work and travel
don’t wish to play,
don’t walk, run away, attorneys, custody, move away, far away
you are in a bad spot as you already know, you must decide fast, play or not, you have money, you might survive the game if you play
sorry man been there, I have turned this insane game into success but only the most strong will survive to find happiness 18-20 years into it, many or most caregivers will only find short periods of happiness then back into insanity
must come to terms with it man or you won’t make it, fuck man im 58 years old, one heart attack, but I did it, I made it, I am happy but far from fucking normal
none of it is real, play the stories, in time you can turn the insanity into laughter, even get the SZ to laugh to defuse a bad trip, practice makes perfect, best of luck to whatever you decide, we are here, others will chime in, but I am not going to feed you bullshit, you asked… 50/50 kid will have it…
oh welcome to the forum, I hope you get something from it, you will, read, ask, study till your blue, every case is different, some end very tragic, our 20 year old son could not take it, dead…
I am so sorry, @SinCityHeartBrkn, you are in a very tough spot.
I agree that your child comes first and I think GSSP has laid out your options pretty well.
Given that your girlfriend has tried to stab you and has been through two 72-hour holds with no treatment, I think the first thing you need to do is to take some steps to ensure the safety of yourself and your child - I agree that “something bad will happen” whether you stay or go, but you owe it to your child to do what you can to make sure that the “something bad” does not happen to you or your son.
Once your safety is assured, you’ll be in a better position to think through your other options.
Has she been medicated?
Why is she not medicated?
Does she not want to be medicated?
Something temporarily you can do that helps a tad bit
Is see if she’s open to go Ketogenic
Also I would buy Amyloban3399 and holy basil
Along with Ltheanine and sarcosine from brain vitaminz . Com
I don’t truly believe these will be enough^^^^
But heck they can potentially take the edge off if you are desperate…
I would also invest in some cbd Without any thc
Im not totally sure what your position is with the psychiatrist is …
But my position was on hold due to a long waiting period
She should try to get medication…
It can be a life saver…
Lamictal in conjunction helps a lot too
You need the help 1st.
You and your son are the ones in danger.
Do you have family that can help? Can you stay at someones house?
By leaving you my also de escalate her dangours feelings/beliefs and it may help the situation.
Leave and turn to get you and your son help and suppport
The thoughts and delusions your girlfriend is having are stronger than reality. She is not capable of seeing that she is hurting you, as “nothing is wrong with her”. Your life sounds very similar to how mine was during the 2.75 years of my adult daughter’s psychosis, but perhaps your girlfriend is more violent.
In my own case, I was “lucky” that my daughter got arrested twice, and the second time there was a knowledgeable compassionate judge who knew what I meant when I told him at her arraignment that “she can read minds and talks to people up there” as I pointed to the sky. He ordered her to get on meds and stay on meds or stay in jail. When he released her from jail she went straight to the hospital to make sure that happened.
ONLY the right medicine forced on her saved my daughter from psychosis. It’s now been since Dec 2018. She doesn’t remember most of what happened when she was psychotic. She doesn’t remember 3 of her 5 hospitalizations either. She doesn’t remember her hallucinations or delusions, and she doesn’t remember doing anything that hurt or upset anyone. So your girlfriend, with or without meds, is probably not going to either, I am guessing.
You can choose to leave to protect yourself and your son. You can choose to stay for awhile to hopefully get her hospitalized, or arrested and then hospitalized, if she attacks you again. Perhaps she will get on meds and stay on meds that way. You may have to press charges against her. You will hate yourself for it, as I did. But in the end, in my case, I would do it again, as it was the only way to get my daughter medicated. Your life is never going to be the same no matter what you do, whether she medicates or not.
I am no medical person, but I feel that if your girlfriend has been in psychosis for 6 months now, she is not just going to come out of it, she needs to be medicated. Sometimes it isn’t possible to have a good outcome, sometimes it is. You must do what your heart tells you to do. I couldn’t give up on my daughter until I tried “everything” I could. It almost ruined my health, tore apart my family, almost cost me my job, and depressed me beyond belief. I was lucky, we have a good outcome. I wish you the best in making the tough choices ahead of you.
Oh @oldladyblue, it makes me sad to hear you say you hated yourself for pressing changes against your daughter.
But at the same time, I also understand how that would have felt from the inside, as I have found myself feeling that I must have caused my husband’s initial psychosis (because I was focusing on him too little) and also that I caused his relapse (by focusing on him too much).
I am hoping that the eventual positive outcome has allowed you to feel good about your actions? You are an amazing mother and your daughter would not be where she is today without you.
Yes, @Itsastruggle the eventual positive outcome did allow me to feel good about my actions. Very good actually, once I realized that the improvement was stable and steady. As I look backward now, I see that the negativity I felt toward myself lifted bit by bit in sort of the same ratio as my daughter improved. Thank you for your kind words. I am thankful that my struggles to help my daughter put her in such a good place today. I just did what I could and what I felt I HAD to do to help her.
I hope your feelings that you caused psychosis or relapse for your husband are lessening. Remember, even the doctors don’t know exactly why someone becomes ill with sz. But I understand how you must feel, relapse is an awful thing.
Yes, safety first for your child and you. Then find local resources like NAMI.org (they have support groups and Family to Family class…the best things I have done) and read essential books “I Am Not Sick; I Don’t Need Help” and “Surviving Schizophrenia: A Family Manual”. This is an extremely serious and complicated illness and you cannot make inroads to help your loved one (assuming you want to do that) unless you do the hard work to learn everything you can about the illness. Education is more than just Googling a few articles, although even that can be very helpful. Elsewhere in this Forum is “How to respond in a helpful manner to a person with disturbing beliefs”.
Do they have AOT where you are? Where he is forced by the court to take meds.becausing of harming you. I would tell him you cannot see me or baby unless you are on meds and get help. You can’t put yourselves in danger. Good luck.
I am so sorry for all that you are going through this, but you have come to the right place. We have all been there, and still going through it. If she has been violent, then getting help is simple, go to your local probate court and petition to have her involuntary committed, this is your first step. Its gona hurt at first, but if you love her then it’s the only way, good luck
Dear Heartbroken: Been there with my son for 23 years now. The first thing my son’s psychiatrist told me is to not take your sick lives one’s cruel behavior to heart. Hard to do, yes. However, your girlfriend is quite ill and wouldn’t treat you that way if she was medicated and doing well. Please keep your child safe and yourself. I don’t know what state you live in. Here in California I was able to obtain a conservatorship for the mentally ill and had my son treated involuntarily. There are ups and downs but so much better when I am in control of his medical treatment. Without a conservatorship, you have no power to help her. It is so sad that the mentally ill cant get the help they need because of the politicians stupid laws. Good luck to you. This is a very tough disease to live with. Believe me we all have been through Hell and back with it.
RUN! IF the mental health system is that bad…AND she cannot accept her illness you need to see a lawyer. You also need documents… from dishcarge from hospitals… any diagnosis??? Safety is always first. Sadly we are losing mental health services and it’s almost back to survival of the lucky ones… and those with money. NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, has support groups info… etclll so does the DBSA – Depression Bipolar group… you can google both to see what they offer in your area for you. Good Luck
Take care you f yourself and your child. You can put your own mask on first then… I pray for strength for you!
You are definitely in a very tough spot. I found the Xavier Amador book “I Am Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help” to be helpful. Somehow you have to convince her that you are on her side and that she can trust the advice that you are giving her. Amador has some good ideas about how to do that, but nothing is guaranteed to work. Good luck.
This book was absolutely crucial to us, also, for our son’s recovery. For anyone who has a loved one who is not able to see him/herself as being sick (aka “lack of insight “), this book is a MUST READ!! It has helped MANY families.
Dr. Xavier Amador TED Talk “I’m Not Sick; I Don’t Need Help”
Find a decent psychiatrist for you and her.
my son has been through something similar…I had to be very understanding and tolerant of moods and delsuions…I know its tough for you but keep posting here on this site and you will get some support/relief
I have heard AOT works. Go to NAMI family support groups after calling them. Maybe get custody of child and threaten that you will leave and take baby if she does not admit herself in hospital and get on meds. Hopefully NAMI can help. Get educated on her illness so you can understand what she is going through. Good luck! Protect your child too.
I don’t know where you are but I am in Australia so can’t help about the mental health system.
Initially my son was picked up and taken to hospital by the police for causing a disturbance in a park (shouting at his father and didn’t know who his father was) then was medicated pretty much immediately. It took about two years to get the medication right, then he was able to understand that he had been doing some strange things which he had some memory of but not a lot. He couldn’t believe he’d done some of the things he had.
Your partner does not know what she is doing. She is sick and she needs help. The sooner she can start the process of finding the best medication the better.
Unfortunately my son has chosen to try to live without medication and he is doing strange things again. Now I see that he needs to be medicated to make his life work the best.
First thing, as others have said, you do need to find a safe place for yourself and your child. And gather some support from other family members if you can so you are not trying to do this alone.