Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Boyfriend has paranoid schizophrenia - please help


#1

My boyfriend was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia last year, he is 35 years old and has been paranoid since early teens but just recently began to have hallucinations and delusions. The first event he threatened his last girlfriend with a knife as he thought she was poisoning his parents. A few weeks ago I had a similar but far more serious experience. I don’t know what details are appropriate to post here but essentially he is now in jail facing 10 criminal charges. Because I was the one who went to the police (didn’t have a choice), there is a no contact order between us. I love him very much and am at a complete loss as to what is going to happen to him and to us. I understand that he is sick and needs intensive psychiatric care, but I also know that what happened that night a few weeks ago was a product of his illness and it wasn’t his fault. However, I am scared because he said things like “I have a really good lawyer to get me out of this” and, “this is the last time I do the right thing by going to the police, next time it’s not going to be pretty.” The events that unfolded that night a few weeks ago were premeditated by a few days at least. He claimed that he knew I was “evil” ever since we first met. I don’t know how much of our relationship was real and how much of it was just him plotting to kill me and my family. I’d really like to speak to people that are in or have been in similar situations.Please somebody help me.


#2

Seems like he’s suffering religious delusions on the problem of “evil”. It’s not up to him to sort out good & evil people. Who is he to judge what is evil?

I’d stay away from him. No matter how much love you pour out, it’s not going to return to you in a healthy way. Just pray that in a life beyond this one, or in this one on its own, he finds solace despite his symptoms.

My mother had to leave someone she considered very dear because he was extremely bipolar. He’d get homicidal when he was truly bipolar, and it almost cost her his life. He, too, is facing criminal charges. You gotta stay away from people who are willing to break the law to accomplish whatever their delusions are putting them through. Very few people with SZ are that out-of-touch, so as to start breaking known laws & committing crimes.


#3

Honestly.

I’d find someone else if you got to. Let this guy figure out how to manage himself and his illness. Sometimes the risk isn’t worth it.

I mean that behavior is highly irrational. Some people without sz behave that way. To think his illness made him temporarily lose his mind. Frightening prospect.

Were drugs involved?

Is he on meds?


#4

I thought the jail system would deal with his mental health, especially if he’s threatened you. It doesn’t sound like he’s taking meds. I would take his threats seriously as I’m sure they are serious to him. I would get as far away from him as possible while he’s unwell. As much as we’d like to, we can’t love them back to health. Take care of yourself


#5

the man is facing no less than 10 criminal charges for what he did to you and you LOVE him??? christ, woman get your head out of the clouds and see him for what he really is and that is dangerously psychotic!! you cannot love someone like that back to sanity, much as you’d like to. he is not some innocent little puppy that can be loved back to health. he is delusional to the point where he wants to kill you because he thinks you are evil. you cannot reason with someone in the full flow of delusions and you must already know this or he wouldn’t have attacked you. don’t ttry to find excuses for his behaviour but see it for what it really is. most people on here are sz or bipolar yet none of them would hurt a fly but believe me when you are that encompassed by delusional thinking you will act upon it. luckily most of the people i know on here were delusional in a passive way but this guy is obviously delusional in a psychopathic way and you would be insane to stay with him. sorry to spell it out hard and fast but do you really want to end up as a murder statistic?? leave him…leave him as quickly as you can and do not go back whether he is on medication or not because he will probably flush the bloody pills down the toilet, tell you he’s on them then carry out his warped sense of cleansing the evil out of you…and i for one don’t want to see you on the 6 o’clock news. leave him. apologies f i#ve offended anyone but seriously, this guy is dangerous amd she needs to get the hell out of this relationship and fast


#6

No he was not on drugs nor was he drinking.

He stopped taking his meds months ago.


#7

Schizophrenia doesn’t make someone homicidal. Their personality does that, and they use their illness as an excuse. The violent crime rate for people with schizophrenia is actually not any higher than the rest of the population. He was violent because he is a violent person, and that won’t change. Most of us would never hurt a fly. Mental illness doesn’t change who we are. It just makes our true selves harder to hide.


#8

Yhou mentioned that he was diagnosed last year and that he has been off medication for months. I am no expert, but if he has only been diagnosed a year ago and has been off meds for months then, then you and him are very new to this mental disorder. It is the best thing for him right now to be locked up because at least you and your family are protected and he is in a secure environment. Jails don’t always find out what the underlying problem is, so the best thing you can do for him is to let his lawyer know about his mental condition so that maybe he can get some help.


#9

Cascade,

I don’t want to sound cold but run. I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year who has paranoid schizophrenia when we met he told me he had so I wouldn’t go out on a date for 3 mo he was on meds and doing well, than about 2 mo into our relationship he went off meds and I noticed some changes which ended up with his sister getting conservatorship over him so he fled to Canada that was back in march. We spoke every day and emailed, than the calls got less and less. Than on July 31 I got an email and he says he’s smoking crack and drinking more so I called him he answers I noticed he was talking like there was someone else there and he was uncomfortable, so I had a feeling something was very wrong. I asked flat out are you cheating on me he said yes I am I asked why would you do that his reply, because I’m not coming home any time soon.

Now I’m trying too fix the damage done too me. My best advice get out now before you end up like me.
This is a man I still love so much. It’s very hard just to get up every day just to go to work.

So please don’t ruin your life and own sanity. Good luck.


#10

Dear Cascade,
I hope you will take these comments to heart. My son has been schizoaffective for almost two decades and years ago he went through episodes similar to what you described. You cannot reason with someone who is psychotic and it is best to stay away. He needs to be in a psychiatric hospital until he is stable. In my son’s experience, until he took his medicine regularly for a long period of time, he continued to have relapses which included hospitalizations and police involvement. It is very scary and you really can’t help him now. My son is doing well right now, but his journey to this point has been almost 20 years. Even so, I don’t think he could handle the stress of a relationship. Please take care of yourself and make a new life for yourself without him.


#11

Not taking meds is a deal breaker. My ex-wife refused to take her medication or see a therapist or psychiatrist.

She turned my life and my kids life into a nightmare for the last 4 years. I kept trying to help her because I love her, but that was never enough to stop her from doing self destructive things.
It took her threatening the life of my son for me to finally say enough.

You have a choice right now, you can walk away and not look back (DO THIS), or you can try to make things work with the guy who has done something awful enough to you that he has 10 criminal charges that he is facing (DON’T DO THIS).

If you do decide to try to make things work (DON’T DO IT), just know that this will not be the only time that you have to call the police on him, this will not be the only time that he verbally or physically abuses you.

You are not married to the guy, and there are thousands of men out there that are good decent men, that don’t have 10 criminal charges against them, that do not threaten their girlfriends, that do not think that you are trying to poison their parents, etc…


#12

My female partner just recently was arrested for a mental episode in which voices she heard on November 3/2014 caused her to go to a local Walmart try to steal children clothing and go to meet President Obama to try to convince him to help underprivileged children.She was approached by security there which cause her to have a paranoid episode and they allowed her to leave the building running from them get into a car run from police and get into a three car accident.Three cars were totaled and injuries occurred .She is diagnosed schizophrenic/Bipolor .She has had a drug history but due to weigh gain her family doctor allowed her to get off her medicine thinking her mental problems was due to drugs.That was over two years ago.She was taking several types of diet pills and researching them they give false positives for amphetamines which at the hospital she tested trace amounts.She assured me no drugs other then the diet pills and told Drs the same.Due to her being allowed to go off her medicines with no monitoring led to this tragic accident.Now comes the hard part fighting the criminal charges.She does not recall any cars and said she was trying to make the car actually fly in the air.On her medicine she is one of the kindest people but off it she can get delusional and the hearing of voices can cause her to step out and do stupid things like she did that day.I have many questions like why would Walmart allow her to leave she is 5 foot and not in the best of shape due to her weight gain and the serious charges for someone who didn’t know what she was doing.Can you help?We live in Kentucky and there a lot more to the story.Please contact me I hate to see such a good person get sent down for something that was out of her control.Here the law is all in it for each other and not the victims,
Thankyou my name is Mark and phone number is 513/304/0470 email bitlermark@yahoo.com
Sent from my iPhone I do not know when you posted about your boyfriend on this forum I posted this months ago.She is still in jail awaiting some kind of outcome,trying to help her in anyway I can but believe me when the law gets involved they are considered criminals and that’s it.They don’t look at the illness they look at the criminal side and the money to be made.My girlfriend in no way is a criminal and all including all the mental health organizations will not help they all will turn their backs because it cost too much money for them to step in where the law is dicriminatory to good people who need medical help not imprisonment.Yes mentally ill people commit crimes some terrible but do we judge all by a few and put them behind bars for a brief moment in their lives or do we help them by determining truly what is best for them and society.Just wanted you to see there is other people out here who are suffering as you are GOOD LUCK


#13

Until your boyfriend is stable on med’s stay away from him.


#14

Jayne,
It’s not fair to tell cascade this harshly, until you’ve been in love with a sz person you don’t know the pain and hurt, and there’s a lot of pain. When there medicated there as close to normal as possible and you deal… I hope you’re not saying that they aren’t worth love because they are!!!


#15

i didn’t say that at all. i’m sorry if you think i’m being harsh but i for one do not fancy her chances with this guy. you speak as if i tar all sz people with the same brush. i do not. most sz are more likely to be the victims of crime rather than the peretrators but this guy is one of the few that when left to his own devices does not take meds and has aggressive delusions and on top of that, he acts on them. he has a track record for attacking his girlfriends. he has done it twice now to two different women. put it this way, if he was a normie and he’d attacked two different women, what would your advice be? the problem is, when he is unmedicated he is violent because he wholeheartedly believes she is evil…i personally could not stay in a relationship where i had to keep one eye open all the time just in case my boyfriend attacked me…i stand by my advice. get out of the relationship and do it fast


#16
  1. I would give this website a very assertive look-see, including the “Patterns & Characteristics.” http://coda.org/

  2. You may want to look into what you believe “love” to be, as well. Two truly great books for this…


#17

That’s very good advice. …


#18

Please edit this and take at least your phone # off here. It isn’t wise to share stuff like that on the web. I trust the people I ‘know’ (people that I’ve seen posting on here for a while) but there are a lot more people on here that you don’t see. You don’t have to have an account to view this forum. This means while people like you who are looking for ways to help people and people like me can ‘try before you buy’ I guess (you don’t have to create an account to view so you get a feel for the site before giving up any information at all) there are also people out there, I’m pretty sure, who read this for kicks. You do NOT want these people getting your number.

As for your girlfriend, I really do wish you the best but I have no idea. Love her through it is the only thing I can say. I know that is probably of no help to you right now but I think she’s probably really distressed about this and stress causes people to do strange things. Make sure she keeps on her meds! If weight gain is a problem there are always other antipsycotics. I gained weight on abilify and it didn’t really work well for me but I lost a lot of it when I got on geodon.