How can I get through to my child? My son is 33 yrs old. He has been diagnosed with Paranoid schizophrenia with Manic episodes and Bipolar too. He refuses the diagnosis, he won’t take the meds he was prescribed. I try to talk to him and explain that the voices he hears are part of a Chemical Imbalance that he has. He thinks it makes him weak for people to know. His Manic episodes are affecting his children. Son 10 and daughter 8.
I am at my wit’s end. He has broken my heart over and over with his violent episodes. I still try my best not to let the things he says get to me but they do hurt like hell. He has bought a gun because he says it makes him feel safe. He’s very unpredictable when he has an episode. I had to make him leave because he scares me sometimes. I’ve cried my heart out watching the pain he’s in knowing there’s nothing I can do. It’s not a matter of if but a matter of when getting the phone call I dread everyday.
Im sorry to hear your pain and i so understand it . Does he live with you ?
No ma’am he doesn’t. He was here for 2wks for the holidays. He’s living where the jobs take him. He’s currently up North. However, when he visits it upsets the entire house. He covers all the windows, locks all the doors, sleeps with several knives and a gun.
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I am so sorry that your son is refusing his diagnosis and his meds. Unfortunately, that is the case with 60% or more of those who develop severe mental illness. It is called anosognosia and even psychiatrists sometimes don’t understand that the person they are treating or trying to treat has zero understanding that they are ill. I tried to explain to my daughter that her voices were not real, but it never worked. Only forced medication due to a court order in Dec 2018 worked to keep her on meds (which she is still on) until she, only recently, (after 2 years on meds!), understands a tiny bit of how badly she was suffering delusions and hallucinations back then. I feel for you and your concern over your grandchildren being affected by his mental illness. I wish that I could offer a solution. Try to remember that the hurtful things he says are the illness speaking, and don’t be too upset by them. I had to learn to ignore the hurtful things my daughter said, and I’m glad I learned how to (sort of), as I know now that she didn’t mean them, as she doesn’t even remember being mean to me when she was psychotic.
Leanna, but for the fact my granddaughter is 5 we could be talking about the same person. My son verbally abuses me constantly and I’m absolutely all he’s got. Your post made me want to put my arms around you and sob together. It is an indescribable pain we live with. I have tried to cut him out of my life, but can’t seem to do it. I have tried giving in to whatever he wanted, to the point of ridiculously enabling him. Neither of those things have helped much. I try to focus on my own life and find joy sometimes studying yoga and Eastern religion and philosophy. I moved out of the country for a while and those were the best years of my life and my relationship with my son, but that’s not an option now. I don’t want this to be the rest of my life, but I don’t see a way out until either he dies or I do. If you find one please let me know!
I keep hoping I can find something for my son before I die. My home could be his but someone would have to pay related bills, which my brother could do over the internet. His Dad is of no help and Florida is THE worst when it comes to community resources that can be trusted.
I’m so sorry. It’s a hell of a disease and most times they are completely unaware. My mother suffers from sz since before I was born and even though she’s completely delusional she doesn’t know when she’s behaving plain ‘crazy’.
It’s called anosognogia, I believe, and it pretty much explains how clueless some people suffering from sz can be (thank you oldladybue@, I’m sure it is my mother’s case as well)
I’m sorry for the verbal abuse. I’m afraid in my experience it’s quite common. Don’t take it to heart - easier said than done.
My mother abuses the people she can count on irrestrictivly: my grandfather (when he was alive), grandmother and me. Towards everyone else she knows when enough is enough.
For so long I wondered why would anyone give hell to the people who loved them the most. I stopped wondering. It’s just how it is.
Take care of yourself.
Yea, that’s my problem too with my son. Even though he goes out of town for work he still comes home in between. With his unpredictability and him having a gun I can no longer have him here and he refused to get rid of the gun.
It too have enabled my son enough. This boat we’re in at the moment is half filled with our tears. I just pray we find an all around solution before we both sink. My prayers are with you. It helps to be able to talk to people that understand.
Thank you for your feedback. It’s been really uplifting knowing I’m not alone.
If he’s an untreated schizophrenic of the paranoid type and has purchased a gun then your grandchildren are at great risk and need protection. You should call Social Services and alert them if the situation so you can work with them on the best way to protect them - perhaps have them temporarily move in with you or a relative? Perhaps having his children taken away from him will motivate him for the need of treatment. They are young and should not be subjected to this illness. That’s your best hope for getting him to accept help and protecting his children. Sicial Services will step in and guide you.
Read the book I’m not sick…and start practicing LEAP…second if not first…Take the gun!
He doesn’t have custody of his children. The Maternal grandfather does. I get them every other weekend. That’s why I made him leave.
It’s not as simple as just taking the gun. Omwn, the laws are so different here. He has rights. He controls it just enough around other people. It’s as if a CDV victim is in public hiding her eyes behind sunglasses. You know the abuse is there but nothing can be done until something bad happens.
I don’t have any answers but I just wanted to reach out and say that you are not alone. I worry so much about my daughter too and some days it feels so heartbreaking and hopeless . Sending you love and strength 
I have bought guns from my son to get them away from him. He may not sell them to me right away, but when his episode cycles down, he will want the money for something else and then he will sell them to me. When my husband and I met with our son’s first psychiatrist, before the psychiatrist had met our son, we told him that we had purchased guns to get them away from our son. The psychiatrist reassured us that it was a good idea and told us that he had bought guns from patients right there in his office.
You r right…sometimes the laws make things more difficult to do what is better for the greater good…you have to know the person and the individual circumstances surrounding him.
I have argued with courts and judges numerous times about a mentally unstable person rights…loosing in most cases. I did win 1 time …whether it becomes a battle or the war remaines to be seen.
As I told one judge…a person has to do whatever it takes to get the job done…I hope I never have to live through another paranoid psychosis episode again. So frightening for the sk person, as well as love ones …they are out of control with voices inside telling them what to do.
Things are better for now…but I don’t let my guard down
Before I sold the house where my son lived, I was horrified how he demanded to have the windows boarded up and covered…it was like he was a vampire and would melt and sunlight would kill him. After months on meds he has changed…he now lives with us in the east coast, goes for daily walks and talks about getting a job…
So much has changed in the last 3 months…I don’t expect it to last as I know he will not continue to take medication because of agnosia but life is good today.
One day at a time…
I went through hell with my son for 4 years. I finally got guardianship on him and it was like death when the court person served him the paper and he cried and told m that I am trying to control him in everyway. I cried my heart out and felt so betrayed by this destiny and always asked myself what Have I done or my son has done to deserve this illness.
My son was conserved for about 2 years and has been appointed a public guardian. he was given different meds. he got better in a period of 4 months and then he got worse again. they tried different meds and still not back to him normal self prior to his diagnosis in 2015. finally, his doctor in the facility suggested that it would a good try to release him to me and see how it would do. they had prescribed to him like 4 medicine: 2 Anti- psychotic meds,one mood stabilizer,Zoloft for OCD and one for side effect. when I met him in July 2020, he was calm bu had side effects like starring at people and Obsessive Compulsive behavior like wanted to run the water faucet and count for like 40 times and open the garage door for like 2 dozen of times. He also would want to touch people in a friend way…
He was feeling motivated that he wanted to get back to university studies and he get registered to start January but he was concerned about the starring behavior and touching people…
His new psychiatric suggested to reduce his dose from the dose that the hospital had recommended. his OCD got better and the touching get less and less but he become more paranoid and now he is not motivated to go back to school. He smokes a lot and his sleep is interrupted. he wakes up at night about 4am and wants to talk to a friend and some relatives.
he talks nicely to people but when I raise my voice, he gets aggravated and tells me that he hates my voice and hates me and that my brothers and sisters all hate me.
I stopped raising my voice but I see that he cannot do anything. not motivated to work or goes back to school. he just wants to smoke and enjoy few cups of coffee during the day and chat with friends and relatives.
I feel that I cannot expect more from him. I am accepting his life as long as he takes some medicine.
He talks often about stopping all the meds but he has not done so.
**I am worried that if he stops completely the meds, would goes through episodes and become violent!!
I am disappointed with the mental health system in the US and I do not see how my son will ever get better and be an independent citizen that can take care of himself.
he is getting disability check and that is helping…
My heart breaks out when I see him disable like this and cannot perform any job…
he is able to prepare small meals for himself and wash his clothes and keeping himself somehow clean.
I had noticed that he started talking to himself more often in the past 2 weeks.
I am taking one day at a time…
I am just happy that he is with me. he was homeless for a while few years ago
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