May 23: I just sent my research proposal to Canadian Professor. I hope that door would open too.
My Mom has lost her reasoning. Today, I was having dinner with her. She could not eat well. Thank God, my brother is a doctor and would take care of her.
I think about it due to the fact that immigration is easier, and my life would be manageable.
To summarize:
Ocean Instrumentation Professor said, it was highly unlikely and would require serious commitment.
a) Arkansas offer, I did accept but processing application for Ph.D. I have two more documents to go
b) Canadian Ph.D, in process with professor. Iām not sure if Iāll get a offer but a bird in hand is worth two in the bush
I took a look at an app called 7 cups a while back. I didnāt like the format very much, if felt like a big commitment. But, there seem to be a good amount of people on there who are willing to spend time reading in an āactive listeningā style. I like the idea, but I personally canāt commit the time.
I much prefer message boards, personally.
@wreklus: I see. Okay so I met my cousin. My Momās older sisterās brother. He and I were talking about how few in the family are affected by Schizophrenia. Heās close to 40, so heās past the age where he can get it. Heās not married and doesnāt plan to get married. I wonder how it works?
I might be mistaken, but I think there is a possibility of ālate onsetā Schizophrenia. Most people start having symptoms when theyāre young and the symptoms progress over a short time. But I have a friend whoās close relative started having symptoms and was diagnosed in their 40s. Now, itās possible that they simply had a slower progression of symptoms. But, their family believes it was late onset.
I wouldnāt worry too much about it. Mostly because we are statistically much more likely to suffer from a whole list of other problems, especially after our 20s.
But for me, it underlines the need to be financially stable, prepared for big medical expenses, and educated on what signs to watch for in ourselves to catch problems before they get out of control.
For example, I am much more likely to be injured in a car accident, or develop cancer, or become depressed. Luckily, preparing for all of those potential problems all go hand in hand pretty well. Have emergency savings, take care of your mental, physical and emotional health, and know what to do if you have an accident, or start feeling like something is wrong. With any luck, we can afford to see a doctor when we need to and have the kind of lifestyle that promotes healing.
June 6: The Canadian Professor is taking sabbatical sigh! For now, I have the offer from U of Arkansas Little Rock for Ph.D in Information Science. Iām looking into post-Ph.D careers even outside America.
I know having a Ph.D wonāt entitle to a job but why canāt I find exactly some good stable careers?
I find that I donāt keep friends very close. I have a few and I catch up with them only occasionally.
I am fortunate to be close with my DXād brother. Knowing I can call him just about any time helps a lot.
But I know that family isnāt the same for everyone.
Everyone needs a confidant. Someone they can talk to about anything. It takes time to build that kind of trust and familiarity with another person.
Maybe a long term goal for you is to develop that kind of connection with someone else.
Iād recommend starting by trying to be that person for somebody else and eventually, you might just eventually evolve into that kind of relationship.
It doesnāt have to be family, or a significant other.
As a guy, I find that 99% of the time, I get all of the support and encouragement I need from my girlfriend. This seems to be pretty typical for men. But itās hard to find a loving relationship where you can be completely open.
If youāre just looking for ways to vent and converse, this site is a good resource. Combined with friends and other people, you can put together a patchwork support system. There are chat apps for this kind of thing, too. ((7cups comes to mind)).
Glad you see the need for more open channels of communication with others for support. Working toward finding that seems like a journey in self-improvement to me.
The way you communicate, your reactions to it, body language, and how you initiate conversation are all deeply personal things. Things that can be refined into being the type of person others are comfortable opening up to. And, in turn, being open toward.
Thanks! I think, I want a permanent GF and someone stable for long-term. I do feel something is missing in my life and itās the relationships/people that I can keep in contact or be close with them.
Itās interesting to learn and understand about different things.
Finding a person who you can respect and appreciate, who also respects and appreciates you is a challenge.
You might find that (like myself), there are a lot of small things you have to practice and learn to be ready for it.
I look at it like a life long journey, as I do with most things that matter.
@confessing
I know how that feels! I spent years on my own. It was made worse because I was hard up for money and feeling like I didnāt have much to offer in a relationship.
But, I made it a priority to mold myself into the kind of guy that someone I wanted would want to be with. I even bought an audio book about being a better boyfriend / husband that included some advice on dating. I learned that I had a lot of habits and mannerisms that were sabotaging my efforts in dating.
Iām genuinely a good guy with lots of great qualities, but it didnāt matter when I was coming across as a nonchalant jerk (unintentionally) when I spoke to women I was interested in.
I had to practice cleaning up my look, refining the things I would talk about, being an active listener and giving the signals of an interested, interesting, safe, exciting, respectable guy.
Thatās why I say finding someone who is right for you can be a journey. I couldnāt be faulted for not knowing that I was putting out a negative vibe when dating, but the consequences were being lonely and upset about it.
Simple things helped turn things around.
I used it as motivation to change careers so that I could be more financially secure as a provider.
I started turning my shoulders and hips toward people when they speak to me (to display interest and attention).
I kept my topics of conversation geared toward the positive direction my life is going, about the people who influenced me in a positive way, and the challenges Iāve overcome (rather than gripe about things that were difficult, or complain about work).
I started keeping myself, my home and my vehicle clean. I was already pretty good at this stuff, but I made up daily and weekly routines, knowing that a smelly car or hair that needs a trim is a subconscious check in the negative column regarding how much effort I put into preparing to go on a particular date.
I found it was better to text well ahead and postpone a date if I didnāt feel up to it.
I asked questions about the other personās family like, āWho are you closest with?ā Or direct questions about dating like, āWhat kind of person are you hoping to date? How long would you want to date that person?ā
It not about being fake. Itās about demonstrating that you are willing to put some effort into impressing the right person.
But, this is a big topic. And Iāve already written a wall of text on it here (sorry!)
Iāll refrain from assuming your own gender and preferences. But the book that helped me a ton was:
The Manās Guide to Women
By John Gottman
I listened to a little bit of this every day while driving to work. I learned that I was doing some things well, but I was also unintentionally sending some bad signals when dating.
