Hello everyone… I’ve had a rough couple of days and feel that since there are still lovely people giving advice I should update.
I spent about the last two or so months feeling increasingly like maybe my situation wasn’t safe and that started even before the phone smashing. He would wake me up in the middle of the night to interrogate me and even admitted later he had a bad couple of months (and yes he lacks insight and believes his troubles are due to PTSD from being persecuted by his family). I tried to double down on being understanding and read up on lack of insight and other symptoms he has, like I said to to try to get him to want help.
Unfortunately just over the weekend, we got into an argument and he made threats against me and I felt unsafe and had to have the authorities involved. I’m still really upset about all of this but I may end up pursuing a restraining order.
My relationship is definitely over at this point. I think he and I are both resolute in that. , given how everything went down the other night. Thank you all for your time and concern. I’m really disheartened that most of you were correct. I am relieved I will no longer be waiting for the other shoe to drop, since I had fears of escaping violence ever since the phone smashing…
Absolutely seems to be the safest for you and the best decision you could make.
You sound like a patient and compassionate person. I wish you all the best. And be “you” most importantly. Beautiful to know that you can do that.
I am so sorry for the pain and angst but so grateful for you to have the strength you need. Be sure to reach out and get support.
I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. I’m glad that you are safe. I take no joy in being correct about the relationship. Unfortunately, in too many cases there are violent outbursts, especially directed at the ones they love most.
Breaking up is always very hard to do, even without severe mental illness existing in the relationship. The next days, weeks and months will bring their own trials as you take the actions needed to stay separated from him. It is obvious that you love and care for him, but you didn’t cause his illness and you can’t fix him if he doesn’t want to be fixed. Forgive yourself for any failure you feel for the past, and keep moving forward to a better life for yourself.
If you feel you need a restraining order, please do go get one, immediately. I got one on my current husband a year or so ago, for a short time, after a police involvement at my home. Keeping resolute with your decision to break up is very important since the parting is so new. Most likely you will be tempted to try to mend it, but I feel you have made the right decision as sz is a lifelong battle.