I joined this forum because I dont know where to go or call for help. Im living with some one whos outburst are escalating to the point that I will need to call police and I dont want to do that. Who can I talk to for help please.
hi eric,firstly welcome to the forum…if youre from the States there is NAMI an organisation to help family members and carers…you should look it up its www.nami.org
@Eric_Michael…what is your housemate doing…what delusions (if any) is s/he having? Is s/he on meds? Is s/he seeing a therapist/psychiatrist? Does s/he hear voices? Just fill us in so we can better understand
Im in California. She is not getting any help whatsoever. She lives in a delusion. She sees “giant spiders, tunnels, munchkins” this list can go on and on. She smells things that only she can smell, she constantly hearing voices she thinks is me or her dad, she thinks she is other people such as famous people like Rhianna, she even asked me to take her to the bank and when we went inside she told the bank manager she wanted access to her “star acct”, she says she was shot in the head and died, I can go on and on. This is really bad, it is impossible to have any conversation with her because she will make up these incredible stories. She has told me atleast 3 different names. I made an audio recording if youd like to hear. I really can not continue to care for her, I been doing this for about 4 months and she has no friends or family that I know of.
I’m sorry to hear how sick your housemate has become.
My thoughts are that you need to be fair to both her and to yourself.
Are these all new symptoms since you became housemates? Or did she have a previous diagnosis that you are aware of?
What was her living arrangement prior to becoming your housemate?
How is she currently relying on you? What care are you providing? If she is unable to care for herself, there may be a basis for getting her admitted for treatment. Never easy, and not always a real solution, but sometimes not a terrible option.
I dont know if they are new for her but she wasnt this bad when I first met her. I dont know if she was ever diagnosed before, she is around 38 yrs old. She was renting a motel room by the week when I met her. This is one strange thing but someone is giving her money once a week of around $500. I have no clue who it is and when I ask her about it, she tells me a different story every time. So, I have let her rent a room from me, thats how Im helping her but I had no idea how bad she was. She has taken all the house keys and wont give them back. I know its a disease and she cant control herself and she truly believes what she hears and sees is real. I just need to know what I should do since I cant continue to care for her. She is making it very hard on me mentally and financially.
Hello Eric, she sounds very psychoctic at this time and could be a danger to herself or you. I don’t know the crisis team number where you are but search it. Where I live they will come to your house and evaluate her. You need to tell them everything you have said here and that she is deteriorating, not on medication, a danger to self, and you. Also, if it comes down to you having to call the police ask for the mental crisis response team. They will send officers trained in handling people in psychosis and a ambulance. We have had to do this twice with our son. Don’t feel guilt in doing so, it is done out of compassion.
Hi Eric. I’m sorry that you’re here. But I’m glad you found us. Don’t know how or why you had the intuition or determination to do so, but this is a good place to be with questions, get information, support, and shared recourses. I’m going to be forward. (I am NOT a doctor or psychiatrist). This sounds bad for you, and also similar to things that people here discuss as far as what we see with some of our loved ones (family, or caregivers) and our experience with those. (This IS NOT A DIAGNOSIS). Ok. Blunt part: to ME it sounds like ‘street’ drugs are involved. If so, (or if not, maybe it’s just booze)? If you care, truly care for this person, you will keep them from harm. In all honesty, until you’ve been at it and invested for awhile (a few years), you’ve no friggin idea and the last thing I would do is think that you have the right to involve anybody that can take theirs (rights) away. I’m guessing (just speculation) it’s a family member that’s giving money and already knows that there is a MI involved.
Best of luck.
Thank you for your replies but I feel they are conflicting. Wisdom, are you saying I should continue to deal with her for over a year before calling a crisis team? And I dont know what “MI” means.
MI = Mental Illness. More often SMI = Serious Mental Illness.
Welcome to the site, Eric. In my opinion, if she threatens to harm you or herself, call the police. Don’t hesitate or feel like that is wrong. She is a tenant in your home and is causing trouble.
It feels very weird to call the police on someone, I know, I hated myself for doing it when my daughter was in psychosis. You can tell the police she is delusional, a danger to herself or you, and they will investigate. If, when they come, they deem that she is a danger to self or others, they will probably involuntarily take her to a psychiatric hospital where she will be held and evaluated. Occasionally that will lead to treatment that works, but often times not. It took 5 involuntary hospitalizations and two arrests to get my daughter onto medicine that worked. You do not owe that type of care to a tenant.
Please realize that you are not responsible for her condition, it sounds like she is SMI, and unmedicated. I am guessing that whoever is paying for her existence couldn’t get her successfully onto medication, and this is the best they can do for her. Schizophrenia is very very difficult to manage as a caregiver, for you as a landlord, well, it probably will be impossible for you to manage her illness. I am being very blunt here, but it sounds like you’ve done your best, and you need to somehow end this landlord/tenant relationship.
You do not have to keep being her roommate, it is your choice when to stop the roommate situation, however, you might not be able to easily get her to move out, especially if she always pays her rent. You might have to consult a lawyer.
This site is a great place to learn about SMI. No two situations are the same, so no advice applies to everyone. You must make your own choices first for your own well being, and secondly for hers.
Eric, although Wisdom made some valid points I agree with Old Lady Blue. If you call a crisis team they will evaluate her and determine if it is drugs, alcohol, or SMI. I am guessing SMI with a codependency. If so she will get treatment. Not really taking her rights away, but helping her. If you let it go it will just escalate. Hey, I live in the Upper Left U.S.A. We all believe in protecting rights here. And love a good protest. (I’m sure you’ve seen it on the news). But, getting someone help is pure love and compassion. It doesn’t take years to figure that out. True, I’m not a Dr. I’m just a mom who has been caring for a loved one with SMI for several years and doing my research. I also have a daughter inlaw who is a psych nurse and another son who is a P.A.
Best of luck to you! I wish my son had a landlord like you.
I suppose I’m a bit biased. In my personal experience police involvement has never benefited anybody involved. I have found all experiences with any form of law enforcement traumatizing and damaging to the ill person and don’t believe in incarceration as a treatment. Nor have I ever seen anything productive come from taking somebody to the hospital just to be released a day later with no actual treatment or long term plan. I guess services and training and educated law enforcement, as well as hospital staff about and dealing with/responding to MI in my area are just pretty much non-existent.
I’m reminded of a story from another person who posts here awhile back about when they called for a crisis team and explained the situation, the SWAT team showed up and surrounded her house and she almost got herself shot dead on her front porch.
There are “Warm Lines” across the country.
The California number is 855-845-7415.
They are peers who provide support and referrals. They could help you with referrals in your area.
If she’s getting $500./ week she can afford her own rent. I agree with the person who said drugs might be involved. They will make a person psychotic who is vulnerable or on their own. It seems like it’s been a problem for her and a family member can’t deal with it but feels obligated to help her. Unfortunately, they are just enabling her. The money would be better spent on a treatment center OC which CA has plenty.
You deserve to have peace in your home yet you probably wish to get her in the right hands
first. It’s different for us here as we live our MI
loved ones and most of us care for them.
True crisis teams can be different in all states and communities. The police where I live are trained in handling M I. They also know my son well. I don’t know what we’d do without them here
Truly everyone here has the best intention, but the bottom line is your, and her mental, physical spiritual health. Working with special needs students, 22 years, the right, correct decision has to be made, even though difficult. None of us can assess, prescribe or evaluate her symptoms or situation. I had to call police for my son, and they were so good to him, yes it’s hard, but it led to him getting treatment from professionals schooled and trained to diagnose, it saved his life, and mine. My 89 yr old mom became delusional, dementia is real. I had to bring her to senior facility. Think of how hard that is, but I did it because it was best for her. True strength is doing what is best. You don’t have to take this on alone. Call and get her the help she needs,
I was looking up your comments on earlier posts. I do that when I find someone I can relate to. You mention Brain and Behavior Institute. Can you share a link please? Thank you
I want to update the situation as of today. When I first started this thread she was having a bad “episode”, not sure if that is the correct term, and I was in a panic because I didnt know what to do or how to handle it. Luckily, it has calmed and she isnt in such a aggressive state and she spends most of her time in her room coming out only to get something to eat or use the restroom. Im aware that these “outbursts” come and go but I dont know when or what causes them and I know it will happen again. This community did provide me with some answers for me on what I can do the next time things get “intense” and I thank you for that. I feel so sad for her and all the torment inside her head, she does need help and I think what I really need to do is find out a way to make her realize she can get help because she has no clue that she has a MI. So this is my next reach out to this community. How do I get her to seek help.
Hi, yes , I found the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation 5 years ago when my son was diagnosed and searching for help. They are amazing, it’s fairly large, in NYC and they have some of the best specialists, doctors, scientists. I get newsletters from them, most apply to our situation, some don’t but I can share them with others. You can go to their website.
You should petition them