Help! Son seems sexually attracted to me

My son was diagnosed 17 years ago. I’ve given my life to him in every way. I’ve often felt uneasy with the way he looks at me. Tonight once again I saw him staring at my body. I’ve tried to wear loose clothes and do all I can to look ugly. I’m the only person he has contact with, and I feel he treats me like a girlfriend not mom. I’m sickened to write this. I’ve given up my life to help him but this is grossing me out and making me feel like I’d be better off dead. Had anyone else encountered this disgusting problem? I really can’t handle this, and have absolutely no one in which I can confide.

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I’m so sorry this is happening and making you uneasy. I can understand for sure. I hope you get some information on this site if anyone else has had the problem. I have seen the same sort of behavior from brain damaged adults. In particular, the daughter of a friend who had a severe car accident was often sexually lewd after her body healed up. And a mother of an autistic boy had to eventually have him not live with her. She was so upset.

There was heightened awareness of sexual thoughts or attractions in my daughter’s past due to her illness. I have no direct comparison to your situation, but I do know that my daughter got weird sexual ideas about men when she was in her deep psychosis. In stores she would seem to pick up sexual thoughts from men, and even yell at them across the store to “stop thinking those thoughts about me”. She even called the police to report sexual abuse by my husband, her step father, that could not have occurred yet two detectives ended up investigating. It was real to her in her head, but not in life. She has been totally celibate her whole life.

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Hi @oldladyblue , I find this statement extremely sad. It symbolizes our children never knowing and most likely will never know some of the joys life can offer. So sad

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Yes, I’ve felt the same way and spoke to my son’s psychiatrist about it. He said it was quite common but will phase out and then may appear later. He encouraged me to speak directly with my son and tell him how uncomfortable he makes me. His psychiatrist and social worker spoke with him too. Sometimes, I feel like the voices in his head are incredibly evil and profane so I tell him each time he voices thoughts and shows behaviors that are not respectful to be silent. I also pray silently to God for help and I rebuke Satan through the power of Christ.

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Thank you!!! Thank you so much! I agree with you and I pray for my son and I, and everyone who must combat this dreadful illness.

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Yikey yikes. Uncomfortable with much to say as a dad of a 20 YO SZ son. But yikey yikes. Add another bonus to our lottery winnings!

It does seem my son still loves to ‘snuggle’. Mostly w my wife, his mom. He was adopted at birth. Has ALWAYS craved personal touch and ‘snuggling’ with both of us. Seems very weird to type this but it’s just a fact.

We knew the books said ‘don’t let your babies sleep with you’. But we looked at the adoption reality and created as much of a bond as possible! And it comforts him when he’s scared.

A few weeks ago he called with visions of his impending death at 8:58pm. It was 8:30. Shit. Come on over. Snuggled him between us on couch. Distracted him with various topics. 9:02 pm, ‘hey son, you survived’.

So snuggling matters. But I’ve confidentially asked my wife if she ever feels uncomfortable. She doesn’t. But any reasonable person might question us. F ‘em.

Protect yourself. But keep loving your child. Maybe shave your head and wear a wool mummu. But love wins. Even if it’s occasionally uncomfortable.

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@Sando I think it’s completely normal to enjoy physical contact, snuggling with people who love you. Nothing weird about it. It’s a strange society that automatically attaches sexuality to physical touch. You are right. F’ em.

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You people misunderstood what I was seeking help for. I was not referring to “cuddling”. I regret posting this because it is a very tough situation for me and you are bashing me with your ignorant comments. I thought this site was to support one another. Glad you feel you are better than me.
You know I’ve been caring for my son for 37 years, alone. He’s a wonderful person and I’ve devoted my entire life to him. I just felt horrified he gets confusing thoughts about our relationship. I was hoping for kindness, but got kicked in the teeth. Not surprised though. I’m quite used to this world misunderstanding my sons illness. It was disheartening though that other people facing living with schizophrenic children could be so callous. Maybe you should go kick a puppy while you are at it. F you too. Dirtbags….

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@RoseofSharon I am so sorry that responses came across as judgmental. I didnt read them that way, I could be wrong or maybe you are feeling understandably vulnerable. You are so brave to have shared this and you have my admiration. I have only just been able to admit that at times I am afraid of my son after many years.
I feel for you, I hope your son is better soon.

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Wow. So sorry. Was trying to encourage you and relate in some way. We are not judging you at all. We all have extremely shitty situations. Very sorry for your pain. And sorry that we contributed in any way to your hurt.

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p.s. “F ‘em” was NOT referring to you at all!! Quite the opposite. F em was for the world judging us. Whether they judge me for cuddling. Or judge me for being too lenient and loving after my son tries to kill me. Again.

Please re-read with the love and support intended. SZ can destroy people. It breaks my heart that you came here for support and we so badly miscommunicated.

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@RoseofSharon I think you were incredibly brave to post on this subject, even given that we all use pseudonyms.
There is a book called “Keep my Son” by Diane Borders who uses her background in microbiology to look for answers to her son’s schizophrenia. It’s an amazing journey and she doesn’t sugar coat the ugly sides of this illness.
She went through exactly what you have described with your son.
Thank you for being courageous enough to post on this topic. It’s terrible what this disease does to our loved ones brains. As someone else said, doctors have documented this behavior in those with schizophrenia.
I am curious if telling your son he is making you uncomfortable was helpful.
I hope you continue to reach out as we all learn when others come forward with their stories.
:heart:

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Is he on meds? That’s sure to help. But regardless, recovery from SZ probably is greatly helped with socialization and living life in the world rather than hanging around the house all the time. Once in the world, he’d have chances to meet women and if he also developed social skills would be able to approach them.

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My son has made strange comments to me also. Not on a regular basis, but it has happened a few times and boy does is ever make you feel out of sorts. I mean this is my son! He got fired from his job because he thought a woman wanted to “suck his dick”. Gross! but it was real in his head. I also try to make sure that I am wearing loose clothing. I don’t even want to wear my PJ’s around him. I have to dry my bras in my bedroom cuz’ I don’t want him seeing them. I know I don’t want to know everything going on in his head! I am sorry this is happening to you.

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RoseofSharon,
I’m wondering if you are feeling afraid of a potential assault if this continues? Do you have a therapist of pastor you could confide in ? Also does your son have a psychiatrist? It would be important to share this behavior with him/her, perhaps there is something in the medication that is contributing, or could change? Why does he only have contact with you?

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Hi,
He doesn’t go out, even before the pandemic. He has too much anxiety when he tries to go out. Sometimes I can get him to go to the 7 11 with me to buy snacks. Before the pandemic he would go to his therapist and psychiatrist. Now it’s zoom which he loves! He’d never hurt me, he’s a nice person. I just feel uncomfortable now and then when I see him looking at me that way. Thank you for trying to help. I’m not going to be posting anymore because of the rudeness I encountered from this topic. I’ve got a lot going on, my mom is dying and my cats of 16 years are dying and the world is on the brink of war! So I am going to handle my son alone. It was helpful that some kind people responded and I learned this isn’t as uncommon as I thought. Thank you

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RoseofSharon,
So sorry that the responses to your brave post caused more anxiety and a sense of rejection.
I do hope you have a supportive friend or other family member. We all need this, as mothering under these circumstances requires so much.
Erica

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Wait!!! I was perceived as the rude guy, and DIDNT MEAN IT THAT way!!

Please forgive my miscommunication!!! Never ever intended to hurt you!!

I was trying to relate and support you. I’m so sorry. The world is full of darkness, rudeness, hate! But not me or this site. Please please come back.

We all live with this shit daily. Nothing but love and peace here.

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That’s ok Sando. I appreciate your apology!! Thank you! After reading the news I realize my troubles are pretty minuscule compared to the crazy events taking place right now. Thank you

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I read some of the responses as not understanding what you were talking about, so they somehow heard affection instead of disturbing sexual attraction. You were brave to ask for help. Im sorry you didn’t find it. I have no experience with this, thank God. I wish i had wisdom or comfort to offer.

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