Help what can I do with my wife?


#21

In my case it was that my son barricaded himself in and me out of my house. It couldn’t hurt to talk to them however - they may see something you don’t see. Perhaps that she is not sure you are her husband and that she is throwing things? I know his is a rough space to be in. Right in the middle where they can’t quite take her involuntarily. I had the cops out 3 times before the “emergency”. Does she shop for food for herself? Perhaps you could leave for a bit and see what happens. She may not let you back in - people with sz may think you are a true imposter after not seeing you for a few days. (so they tell me). Just brainstorming here.


#22

We go shopping for food together (when she’s better behaved, and if its early in the morning so the stores are quite, I make a mad quick dash to get food before she has an episode in the store.) So far I’ve not left her, nor her me, in 3 months.
Its confusing and difficult to describe how she views me, its like she simultaneously sees me as more that one person at a time. I’m her husband and not her husband and an altered husband and a controlled husband all simultaneously as if I’m a multiple layered person. Earlier today she was screaming at me saying how cruel I was and she wanted a divorce, but 5 minutes later she made me a coffee.
So its like she can talk to the different ones of me in a different way at the same time.
That’s a bit of a digression, and a long winded way of saying I probably couldn’t leave her alone - because one of me is her husband and she wouldn’t want to be parted from me.

Thanks for all your responses. I really appreciate them, any brainstorming idea is welcome.

I’ve just in the last 5 minutes finally managed to get somebody from the Seattle Crisis and Commitment Services scheduled to give me a call tomorrow morning, so hopefully I can get some idea of what a next step could be from them.


#23

That’s a great step! Just gotta keep at it and something will work!


#24

Damn, just at the moment the Crisis and Commitment person called me my wife was out of control at that moment and demanded to know who I was talking to and I had no choice but to terminate the call. I got them to call back again several hours later but it was the same thing.
What is very frustrating is they only have an answer machine and you leave your details and they call you back wheverer that might be. I need to be able to make a call and talk to somebody at that moment in the tiny short windows of opportunity I have, not this call back whenever stuff. Oh well, I will keep on trying.


#25

That’s frustrating, however, if the person on the other end can hear her screaming, that might help. Can you video her when she’s having an episode? Documentation is very important, especially if you are needing to advocate strongly for what you believe she needs.
Is there anyone else who can come over and distract her when you are talking on the phone? If you can slip outside you might be able to have a conversation. Once you actually get to talk to someone, you might be able to get a direct phone number without a machine.
I don’t know how old she is, but have you considered that she may be experiencing signs of dementia? That knowing/not knowing someone, fading in and out with remembering, anxious to be without a touchstone person are all signs of memory loss also. Can you get her to a doctor by any means?
Good luck- advocating is hard work.


#26

Haven’t been here in a while thankfully for good reasons but u should know it’s her it’s the symptoms of her condition and it is all very real to her I am learning to be grateful for my wife’s good days which of late have been plenty we have weened her down to a small dose of ability which have pretty much done away with the speech impairment and she seems fairly content half the time even has stopped cursing me out every night when I suggest it’s time to take the pill I thought she was never coming back and she was divorced from me and hated me and now things are pretty good she is really doing well don’t lose hope you have get through the fog and find a medicine that make her life tolerable for her without trying to b in control not EASY but
It can get better


#27

Hello. She’s 47. Up until you mentioned this I had no idea that dementia also includes hallucinations and delusions etc. I’m going to do some more reading up on dementia, however I suspect its not that because although her short term memory and concentration is now dreadful, it suddenly changed from being normal to terrible in just a few weeks, and I’d have thought dementia would have caused a slow decline in that ability rather than suddenly.


#28

“Can you get her to a doctor by any means?” No she has anosognosia, and won’t go see a doctor (nothing wrong with her, doctors might try to kill her, she won’t even take a vitamin pill in case its poison).
I managed to eventually talk to somebody from the country crisis and commitment line, there’s basically 3 criteria (suicidal, danger to others, grave disability) by which she could be involuntarily detained/treated for 72 hours. Unfortunately she meets none of those.
Looks like I just have to wait and see if eventually she becomes violent towards me or others or becomes suicidal, or stops eating. Until then, seems there’s nothing I can do with her.


#29

My wife had all same problems with memory delusions messy empty every drawer and closet
She was so scattered and it came on out of nowhere she turned 42 then bam a month later I was begging police to bring her to hospital “one of hardest things ever had to do but today she is living her life and the meds took about 6 months to work with some ups and downs in between but thank god for now she is doing great
I can’t imagine anything ever getting better without meds


#30

Hello, what did you say to the police? Did you call an emergency number or non emergency number? Did they have to have some specific reason (such as a violent threat) before they would act?

As our wives are similar ages, I would be curious to know what the doctor said was the cause of it occuring at age 42.
I’ve been wondering if my wife’s situation is due to menopause - I’ve seen a few articles on the internet where some doctors hypothesize that declining estrogen levels could be a cause in women in the age group.


#31

Estrogen doesn’t decline but progesterone does. Supplementing progesterone can be very effective.

http://update.dorisking.net/how-curing-bipolar-disorder-and-schizophrenia-came-about

http://raypeat.com/articles/articles/menopause.shtml


#32

So I begged for them to take to hospital and she told them all the right stuff to not be taken but they could tell she was not really all together so I said just get her to hospital because she will not let me take her and this woman needs help before something bad happens so they kinda told her they wanted her to be checked out she was so angry and it was so hard but the doctors could very quickly tell something was wrong and I explained how far from her baseline she was
She could not carryon with her life in this condition so it was enough that her paranoia and inability to carry on with her normal life was putting her future at risk but it’s not easy the first 2 times I fought with hospitals to get her out after a few days because I thought we could figure it out at home after excepting how bad things could get I decided she needed a chance and had to get some meds and didn’t sugar coat it anymore I hid everything sharp in the house still have only 1 knife in kitchen till this day all that info matters the first few meds did not change much I think mostly we’ve been lucky and after about 6 months things started to improve and it will be 1 year since it began next month the one thing I do know is when it’s come to this stuff it’s hard to know anything u just keep trying whatever u have to give your loved one the best shot u can
I’m sure that other matters like insurance can come into play as well I reall wish u the best of luck and hope she fully recovers and gets on with her life


#33

I’m so sorry that there isn’t a clear path to the help your wife needs. The waiting game can be stressful. When my son was having symptoms for the first time he raged around the house and broke a picture in a frame, and that was what I used to get him the help he needed via a domestic violence charge. It wasn’t a big deal, the picture breaking, but it gave me and the authorities what was needed to start the ball rolling. Keep a journal of the behaviors that alarm you, take videos or photos if you can, document what you want the professionals to see. The anosognosia is a problem- I haven’t had experience with that so don’t have any words of wisdom there My son is now at the State hospital where he is getting very good care in spite of all the federal financial difficulties the hospital is having. Good luck.


#34

Hi, so a domestic violence charge is basically a charge to get her arrested by the police?
She has smashed a glass onto the floor, and broken a couple of plates.


#35

I would not go that route - you don’t want the whole legal thing to get in the way. Just tell them she is a risk to herself or you and just needs hospitalization and medication. You don’t want her in jail or having to deal with going to court. Unless you are at your wits end and it is a dire situation where she is really hurting you.


#36

Mungbeans, the 72 hour hold is just a starting point, for evaluation purposes. They will hold her for much longer once they see how sick she is. Then, they get a court order for involuntary meds. She could be there for weeks while they test the meds to make sure they’re working.

This post was meant for the other thread about putting meds in food. Sorry about that.


#37

So relieved and happy for you and your wife!


#38

Mung, be sure to keep a written log of everything that’s happened, including broken objects and any verbal threats. The hospital will need this info to present to a judge when they’re trying to make a case to force medication.

I’ve called psychiatric emergency service organizations in my area and they’ve helped me to understand that aggression towards objects is a clear predecessor of possible “danger to self or others”. It shows dangerous and out-of-control psychotic behavior that should not be ignored.

But I would agree to try your hardest to not to include police other than to get her to a hospital.