Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Getting help for a desperate husband


#1

I don’t know if this is the right place to post this. Based on what I have read about schizophrenia, I suspect that my wife may be suffering from this disorder. I have never ever been unfaithful to my wife, but she constantly accuses me of cheating on her, whenever I’m on the phone with my mother, she accuses us of talking about her behind her back. There are times that I am sitting silently with her and she will insist that I said something to her when I didn’t. We have been together for quite some time and the stress this has caused has been almost unbearable. I’m not sure of how to get help for her or for me. I am considering offering to take a polygraph test to “prove” that I have never cheated on her, if she will seek some help if/when I pass the test. Any suggestions from those that have been in this situation?


#2

BTW, I live in the RTP NC area. Does anyone have any good recommendations for Psychiatrists in this area that specialize in diagnosis and treatment of schizophrenia?


#3

Have you asked her to see her regular doctor? It’s possible she has something going on. It may just be her thyroid. They usually check that when there are symptoms of sz. The cheating accusation seems to be common as well as the talking behind her back. Perhaps she is hearing things when you say you are not talking. Welcome to the group, sorry for the reason you are here. There are many on this forum with spouses who are having issues like yours.


#4

What is RTP North Carolina?


#5

Research Triangle Park. It’s the Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill area of NC


#6

Thank you for your reply. She does have a thyroid condition which is currently being treated, but this behavior has been going on for years now. She has not talked to her doctor about the other symptoms that I’m aware of.


#7

I told her that I would take a polygraph test and actually set it up for this Friday. When I proposed that when I passed the test, if she would see someone to get some help, she went completely “off the handle.” I’m taking it anyway and she has agreed to come after she cooled down a bit. Not until after saying she was going to leave and take our son with her, though. I desperately want to keep our family together.

We’ll see what happens.


#8

@LeoT0917 what thyroid medication is she taking? She may need her thyroid medication adjusted. T4 only medication can be problematic especially for women due to estrogen.


#9

@LeoT0917 Now that my son is diagnosed, I see some of those same patterns that your wife has in my sons father. I was always cheating on him or looking to (which was nuts because I was crazy for him). He didn’t like people talking about him. Anyway, there will be plenty more people offering your their advice here- sometimes evenings are a bit quiet. The taking the kid and leaving - well hate to say it but just sounds like an emotional woman (at least I know I was a tad emotional when I was younger), but it could be part of a mental illness. Bipolar maybe?Perhaps her thyroid meds are off.

Hopefully someone will be in your area and see your request about a doc. The waiting lists in Boulder CO are super long for private and not private, that is why I asked about her regular doctor as I think they can give her some meds - sometimes it’s best not to say schizophrenia to her but talk about the symptoms, i.e. life is not always easy, perhaps you could take something to take the edge off. For my son, I say you had a lot of disorganized thinking (before he was on meds) and anxiety. The pdoc says sz or “your condition”. I’m glad you want to keep your family together! Hang in there and keep us posted.


#10

I think it’s methimazole for the treatment of Graves Disease


#11

I think it’s methimazole for Grave’s Disease


#12

Thank you so much for your support. It helps just to talk (chat) with someone. I haven’t mentioned any specific disorders and will not, because I don’t know for sure. I have done quite a bit of research though and have more than 25 years of experience in the healthcare/Pharma industry which is what finally led me to reach out on this forum.

Again, thank you.


#13

Ok, that’s an anti thyroid medication. I would still suspect a hormonal imbalance. Do you notice more symptoms premestrually? The luteal phase is when an imbalance between estrogen and progesterone is more pronounced.


#14

Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t believe the polygraph results. She will likely think the machine has been tampered with or other such improbability.
I would try to get her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation.


#15

I know that that’s a risk. I did find an expert (Not cheap) that is certified in our state and that works with law enforcement, etc. Though she has already indicated that she thinks that I might be able to “beat” the test by meditating beforehand. I’m just hoping that it might bring even just a little doubt into her accusations. At least enough so that she will entertain the idea of seeing someone for help.


#16

She is post menopausal and had an hysterectomy some years ago. I know, there are a lot of complicating factors.


#17

I hope it’s helpful, but I doubt it will convince her. People with paranoia will use twisted logic to justify their beliefs/delusions.

I don’t mean to sound harsh; it’s just been my experience from living for years with my paranoid sz ex husband.

In fact, I’d go so far to say don’t waste your time or money on a poly, but now that you’ve set it up, you can’t cancel or you would draw more suspicion from your wife.

Let us know how it goes.


#18

Hi Leo. I have to agree with @Jan. If your wife is truly paranoid, in a schizophrenic way, she will disregard any results that a polygraph shows. Instead, she might even twist the results to suggest that the person who administered the test was “in on it”, as in “there’s a conspiracy”.

I know that sounds terrible, but it’s very common. Been there. Done that.


#19

Thank you both for your feedback. I know in my heart that you are likely correct, but I feel that I have to give it a shot.


#20

Hello Leo,
It is good idea to discus your concerns privately with her physician and see if you can get her in for a well check. It is also important to document events, things that are not normal, if she is violent or has tried to hurt you, that can be serious concerns to express to a professional. It’s so hard to get preventive care intervention.
Thanks for posting, hope it brings you some perspective with your wife. Let us know how things progress, AnnieNorCal