I have been married 10 years, known my husband 12 years. Situation:
I recently came across some “journal” documents on our computer.
Opening them and reading i realized that it was a “letter” to another woman and their child.
When confronting my husband, his response:
That is my ex-wife (over 20 years ago) and their son.
He had a mental breakdown and left them - he thinks when the son was 3ish.
He had no memory of them until recently - which is why he never told me.
Within this “letter” is his expressing his desire to be back with her and start a new life with them.
My knee-jerk reaction was absolute betrayal.
I asked him to leave & he did.
Going through the computer, i found additional “journal type” documents talking about his “former” work with an “entity” in which he served his country. It read exactly like the Jason Bourne movies.
This is when i realized i was dealing with more than an ex-wife & child.
He was seeing a doctor/therapist when i first met him. I found his number and called him. My husband has seen him, at least i THINK he has.
This is all very recent, 2 weeks ago. He is staying with a co-worker. He asked to speak with me about “what i read”. When we started talking, he started to explain what he used to do - again, the Jason Bourne series. He then proceeded to tell me he had and interlude 2 years ago. The reason i bring this up is this: He mentions the previous co-worker “Amber” in one of the “journals” - he said that he HAD this interlude with her in order to get hired. That it was a ONE TIME thing, but he did it just so he could get the job (which he lost a year later), because we needed this income.
Once again - knee jerk reaction - i called him out on it - “are you really going to tell me that this woman put you a position that you had to #!&* her to get the job? and you are expecting me to believe this?” I then proceeded to tell him that next week i will be calling this business and telling them this situation and notifying the press. I will also be calling this woman directly to tell her exactly what i think about this. The look on his face was the proverbial “deer-in-the-headlights”. He told me - “you can do that if you want, but it’s not going to go well for you”. I asked what he meant by this and he said “i just mean it’s not going to go the way you think”.
All of this is so surreal, that i absolutely have no idea how to handle it. I have made an appointment with a psychiatrist for MYSELF in order to help me keep it together.
I am reaching out here to just see if anyone else has gone through this situation or something similar and can offer any advise.
I love my husband to my very soul and don’t want to make rash decisions based on a mental health crisis. I cannot just “sit around” and at the whim of a storm that is throwing me around like a rag doll - I hope there is someone out there that could offer some affirmation that there may be hope that my marriage may be salvageable.