New Here... Finally... Need Help for my Husband

Family
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I can’t believe it took me this long to find this forum and all the resources. I am literally in tears just reading the posts and comments from all of you.

Here is our story. My husband and I have been married 4 and a half years. I love him dearly. Five weeks ago he destroyed my children’s rooms (holes in wall/ceilings, furniture, etc) while we were not home. When I got home he screamed he was leaving and locked himself in the bathroom. I told him he had to leave and that I was taking out a restraining order because I and my daughter and even our dogs were terrified. He has been staying with his mother for most of the last 5 weeks and she is at the end of her rope too. He had a few days with his brother that ended in threats and an “assault” on the brother for which the police were called.

When we got married, my husband had an opiate addiction, which I thought was in the past. It was not. With my help, he began taking suboxone and was able to get off opiates. About this time God spoke to him for the first time. The delusions started. I didn’t know they were delusions bcz he had always been interested in paranormal, conspiracy theory, illuminati, etc. Seemed like more of the same. I think he began using other narcotics at this time although I didn’t know that. I knew he used pot but with PTSD, TBI, Dysthymia, etc… I didn’t worry too much though I wasn’t in favor. Marriage still good.

Had to move to a house he hated that I owned with my first husband. Delusions got a little scary- people living in attic, ex coming in house, someone moving his things, etc. He seemed to get over them so I thought… more weirdness, stress. Still no idea he was using.

A year later the dog he loved more than life itself got hit by a car and killed. He tried to save her life, and was unsuccessful. I know he was never the same after. Delusions increased last summer and got very scary. I found out about the drug use. He went away for a few days to his brothers house. His son and I tried to commit him. The VA MD agreed, told me to go to magistrate. Magistrate refused to accept IVC petition bcz he was already at VA. Husband released. Having told them his delusions of communicating telepathically with world leaders and concerns with mind control, the release strengthened his delusions (which I inappropriately screamed at the VA doctor). The diagnosis I was given was drug induced psychosis. He developed mistrust of me, more delusions about my ex, and he now believes he can control the weather, has in implant under his eye and in his tooth that records everything he sees or hears, is working for the CIA/DEA, is friends with Elton John (who he thinks bought him a house that he would try to get in and sit outside for hours). I literally questioned my own sanity because he was so convincing.

This past spring saw a rapid decline in function. When Prince died he became obsessed that Prince was actually a woman he had a child with (??!!). He has been mourning her since and communicating with her spirit. He also had children with Madonna. He’s convinced he has some disease that if people are not wearing makeup and in stage clothes and say they have a different name, he does not recognize them. He writes everything backwards and makes meaning from it. The people making the movies have stolen his life and put it on the screen. My ex husband, his family, and I were in some database he saw in 2006 stating we were in law enforcement. On and on.

His family is concerned. His brother took out an IVC but it was never acted on by the police and it expired. The family thinks getting him hospitalized won’t do any good until he wants to go and hits “rock bottom”- they blame his drug use for the delusions. They are about to make him leave the mothers house because she has fragile mental health he is making worse, but are unwilling to get an IVC because they think he will just disappear when released.

I’m driving them all insane. I call them constantly and cry to them and try to get them to DO SOMETHING since I havent seen him in 5 weeks. I want my husband to get help. My counselor is a former psych nurse and said that while she could not diagnose him, after reading his emails and texts it seemed to her that he indeed has pretty serious paranoid sz. I didn’t believe her. It couldn’t be SZ! He’s 46! After reading your stories it fell into place.

I am begging for your help. My husband said I broke his heart by being either unknowing or not believing him about mind stalking and working in law enforcement (again, I don’t). He told me he loves me but he never wants to see me again and hates me and my children and that I am evil. He sent an email to the Texas Rangers about me abducting my children 3 years before the oldest was born.

His family, due to their own addiction and mental illness issues, refuse to try an IVC again. I think they want to pray it out of him. His adult son is not speaking to him and has given up. It is down to me to try to help this man who now hates me.

I need help in thinking how to get him in the hospital when he won’t see or talk with me. I don’t know if he can meet the IVC criteria for my state in terms of danger to himself but I have texts that sound as if he is threatening me. My problem is, I’m scared. He’s smart and he can keep it together and say the right thing for a while. He might be able to comvince law enforcement not to take him to the hospital. Unless a doctor spends more than 15 minutes with him and builds trust my husband will mask it- I have seen him do it I’m concerned that even with everything they won’t keep him and if they do it will be for a day or two. If they only keep him that long, I am afraid of what he might do to me. Taking away his freedom or “saying hes crazy” has the potential to spin him into violence. Since he is staying with his mother and eating, taking long showers, sitting on the porch… it looks like in my state they would think he can take care of himself, but all that will change when he has to live alone. I am terrified he will OD trying to make the voices in his head stop. He also says he can tell when the thoughts are not his own, and they aren’t voices just shared thoughts and he gets very high level briefings.

I know this has been long and I appreciate you reading it. Please help me. My husband is about to be gone forever and no one will do anything.

Thank you in advance. I wish I had found this forum a year ago… as late as last night I have done everything wrong in getting him to seek help. Thank you.

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Hi and welcome to our forum. it sounds like a difficult situation. Perhaps check into these groups and see if they can recommend anything that might help get him into treatment:

and

and try to get support from NAMI in your area about the resources available in your area:

http://www.nami.org

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@Sadwife I am so sorry your family is going through this, it is so stressful and I know that helpless feeling of loving someone so mentally ill. I am glad you found this forum. …I agree with SzAdmin about contacting NAMI and possibly talking to your local probate court as well as if your county has a ‘mental health ombudsman’ (many do) an ombudsman provides valuable resources to the community seeking direction for mental health issues.

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This alone could have gotten him admitted. You could’ve called a CIT team and had them come to the house evacuated him. You could’ve told them that he was threatening y’all and you are afraid of him. What state do you live in?

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He could’ve been admitted because of him threating his brother. I know this is bad to say but I wouldn’t call the police. Most of the time they won’t do anything because they don’t want to be bothered with the paperwork that they have to fill out etc. I remember our son first psychotic break. He was very delusional. He called the police to our home saying someone stole a car that he doesn’t have and never owned a car because he doesn’t have licenses. He told the police that the neighbors across the street was flying airplanes over his head. We tried to get the police to take him to the hospital to get evacuated because we told them something wasn’t right. They WOULD NOT take him because he wasn’t a danger to himself or others. Really!! So that Sunday morning around 1am… …My son left the house. He went across the street to throw rocks and sticks at the neighbor house. The neighbor shot out of his back door into the air to scare my son away. We have lived in our home for 20 years. Never bothered anyone. We heard the gun shots, jumped out of bed and ran to my son room. He wasn’t there, so we went outside and my son was running toward the back yard. Our neighbor didn’t know it was our son. He said he didn’t know want was hitting up against their house. It scared him and his wife, so he shot in the air to scare whatever it was away. He looked out his window and saw a person running toward our house. It was my son. We explained to him what was going on. We see our neighbors, wave at them but don’t really communicate with anyone. My neighbor said he didn’t know our son was ill. He said he will keep an eye out on him. He said he wasn’t going to shoot him. He was just trying to scare him out the yard. The next day on a Monday. We went to the court house to have him committed. He was a danger to himself and others.

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I was so freaked out I didn’t think about the IVC the day it happened… plus I didn’t know where he was.

The attempt at the IVC here failed, I think, because we went to the magistrate and his brother didn’t take the police up on having him arrested. A friend here has a brother with MI, and she told me the same thing- let them know when you call 911 that you need the crisis team. While they were police officers, she said they had a lot of training and were amazing with her brother.

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I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. My husband was diagnosed late in life as well at 45. It came right out of the middle of no where and I was devastated. I struggled for months before calling someone for help. When they came to evaluate him, he was cool as a cucumber but they talked to me and I told them exactly what was going on and right in front of him as well. I had had enough and was completely stressed out and so was my son. Based on what I told them, they took him to the hospital and he was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a few weeks. My husband doesn’t do drugs or drink so that was not a factor. They really can’t say what brought on his schizophrenia and I am to the point where I don’t have the time to worry about the 'whys" or “hows”.
I grew up with my Dad having schizophrenia, so I had some idea of what was going on before I called for help.
My only advice to you and I know it sounds unethical, but sometimes you have to exaggerate the truth a little bit. Based on what you typed in your post, it seems he has violent tendencies and that is what you can go with when explaining to the doctor what is going on with him. Don’t be afraid that they wont take him. He sounds like he is in a very bad state of mind and they are trained professionals and they know what to ask him during the evaluation process, plus they will talk to you. Because it is such a stressful situation when the evaluation team comes to your house, it is a good idea to write down everything he is doing so you remember to tell them. Once they get him on meds he will feel better and may actually thank you for it. I took my husband 3 stays in a hospital before he admitted there was a problem and that he had to take meds in order to control it. . I know its hard to pick up that phone and call for help especially when you know where he is going, but you have to be strong and do it. It is for his own good, do it before he does something completely out of character and ends up in jail. Good Luck!

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