Unfortunately this is part of the process of acceptance. I was also on this state. I just started figtging this damn disease. NAMI family to family class was a good first step. Parents in this class have become life long friends. They understand what you are going through. I also went to counseling myself at my darkest hour and it helped. Mostly I educated myself and helped my grandson get on the right meds and it took two years. Good luck we all have a different rLas. Bless you and your family
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Wondering how things are for you now LisaS?
I’ve been in the same situation, coping with all the things that life throws at us, then suddenly, something as trivial as a parcel not being delivered on time seems like the end of the world.
I now liken coping as a stress bucket. All the ‘worries’ go into the bucket and we cope. But if too many things get thrown at us in quick succession, the bucket gets full and the slightest thing causes it to overflow, at which point we throw our arms in the air, cry uncontrollably etc.
Having to care for somebody with sz puts a lot in the bucket to start with. It waxes and wains but never goes away, so just a few other ‘worries’ causes overflow.
To manage the bucket, deal with the trivial things quickly, or offload things to somebody else. Just talking can reduce the size of the things in the bucket. If the bucket does overflow, then take a specific worry and focus on solving it, forget everything else, you’ll be surprised how soon even the biggest worries become trivial. Every worry solved comes out of the bucket.
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@shop1uk - This is such a good way to look at things. I’m coping this into my how to cope document of ideas. Thank you!
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Have not been on here in months, so sorry for the delayed reply. I find that I get on here when feeling especially le and needing to hear from others who get it. My son is still away for assaulting us last summer and he had been doing fairly well. His condition is fairly stabilized. However, he did an idiotic and impulsive thing that put him back at Square 1. He was off site from where he presently lives, taking a GED test and noticed some hand sanitizer. He was not being supervised during the test, so he proceeded to drink the bottle of hand sanitizer. I guess it has a high percentage of alcohol. He also smuggled another bottle or more back into the place he stays and drank more that day and the next. Ended up getting sick and having to go to the ER for dehydration. So that is distressing that he is still making bad decisions despite getting daily counseling, group therapy, you name it. Second thing, my husband has developed an eating disorder which has doctors stumped. He can only eat soft foods and has had numerous procedures and still no diagnosis and thus, no treatment to speak of. I beginning to suspect it is psychosomatic because he is over reactive to the 100th degree (bipolar) and is already freaking out about our son coming home though that could be months, possibly a year. He (husband) has been hateful, verbally abusive, and irritable beyond belief. Yes, he is medicated but claims taking pills is torture. Getting them down I mean. I am at the point where I don’t know what to do. I have been married to this man for 25 years but the thought of spending another 20 years with him is not a pleasant thought. Having two mentally ill people living under the same roof is incredibly difficult; they are very much alike and butt heads often. I am in a quandary. But when he is in this state, I feel like I have absolutely no joy or happiness in my life. I walk on eggshells to not upset him and dammit, I am sick to death of it. I work full time, keep our house nearly spotless, do all housework, all grocery shopping, all garden maintenance and mowing. And for what? To be treated like a second class citizen? Sorry for the rant. Today has been especially bad. My favorite cat just died on Thursday and I had to bury him today. Thanks for listening.
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Oh my gosh, you are going through so much.
Thank you for updating us. I’m really sorry about your beloved cat.
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Hi Lisa - What are your options? Could you find a place for your husband and another for your son? I’m sure it would be nice to have a somewhat stress free life for a while. You could always check in on them and not live with them. I’m sure it would not be easy to arrange but you could at least look at options. Baby steps!
@LisaS Well, I’m glad you can share on this Forum. You ARE going through an incredibly rough time and it is hard to imagine the future. We all want to be hopeful, but it is hard. It seems that your husband is dealing with a new medical issue, and that, by itself, is hard for him and for you. It would be nice if there could be some resolution or treatment for that in the near future. Ideas: Do you think it could help if his bi-polar meds were to be adjusted while he is going through this added problem (and that of your son)? Find one thing you like to do for yourself and put it on your calendar, daily, if it is something you could do regularly, or it might be something to look forward to on the weekend or a future date. You can’t take care of others if you don’t first take care of yourself.
Is your older son still living with you? And his girlfriend? If so, it’s time they both pulled their weight in the house. Give them a rota of cooking and cleaning. If not, ask the, to come round and help you sometimes. Ask your son to come and spend time with your husband and you go out and have some ‘me’ time. You don’t have to be a Domestic Goddess. You’re a human being. In fact, pulling his weight round the house might do your husband some good too. It seems like everyone around you thinks they can behave like toddlers.
You.are putting too many demands on yourself, I used to be that way and still am in a lesser degree. I always did everything for everyone in my family and worked and tried to keep the spotless house. I just can t do it anymore and now I grocery shop when I feel I am out of everything and get carry out a lot. I live with a very difficult man also and I used to let him drain me with all his problems and his criticism of most everything I do. I now just tune him out when he gets like this and I also put less demands on my sz son in wanting to get him more social and motivated, etc. I just go and hang out with him or run errands with him but I don t insist that we clean his apt. I help him clean when he asks and that is maybe every 2 weeks. Just slow down and realize you are only human and need time for just yourself, which could mean making some major changes in your life.
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