Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Hurt...frustrated


#1

This morning my husband told me he canceled his therapy appointment. He does not want to go, has come up with reasons for several different counselors but this is what he did the last time he had a psychotic break. He is denying he has any illness, that his brother is lying about the psychotic episodes he had in his late teens. That I am lying and have over reacted to his behaviors by calling the police because I didn’t like that he was refusing to go to the doctor. That he never has had had any psychotic episodes and that they are just stories. He said, that maybe we should just “part ways” since I am trying to make him do what he doesn’t want to. I’m hurt, worried frustrated and hitting exhaustion. Things seemed to be doing fairly well this last week to a point. I made plans to attend a conference this week, now am rethinking that because it is out of town and even though he will be supervised by family members I’m worried that something is going to happen while I am gone (about 3 hours away with another person from our company in their vehicle). I don’t know what to do, I don’t want him to feel controlled but things like locking the garage are out there, he tried to kill himself and this is what I have been told by the doctor to do. I have been told that he is to be EPCd (emergency protective custody) if he quits his medication, but this is totally different. Help? Just support and understanding, I’m in tears right now, we have been married 30 years and I so want him to be the best he can be.


#2

I don’t have any advice as I’m just a parent of a teen with schizophrenia, but I’m here to lend a listening ear. I’m sorry this is happening. I am learning how frustrating it is dealing with this illness because logic just doesn’t apply here sometimes. It’s like the whole world is topsy-turvy. I hope things settle down soon for you.


#3

thanks and yes this illness makes everything topsy turvy. AND it makes it hard to understand when no one person has the same symptoms. I’m going on my business trip, if something happens while I am gone it just does, my whole life can’t be put on hold. Things escalated last night, I blew up, which for him I know is not good, but it happened. He is claiming as of yet that everything is a lie, he is not sick, that I made up stories and his brother made up stories. It is what it is I guess. I know the truth, even if he doesn’t. I told him I have the medical bills to prove it. He just tells me that I got worked up over nothing and he didn’t need to be in the hospital…even though he was in a coma, did try to kill himself while in a psychotic state. I’m still “controlling” him according to him. If loving him and trying to help him get better is controlling I guess so be it. Thanks for listening and being here…that is what I need most, seems when I ask for help from my kids that all they do is side with him, they don’t live here and believe what he tells them on the phone. :frowning:


#4

@mom25grls
Awww, I am very sorry you and your family are dealing with this illness. You are not alone. May I ask, what are some of his symptoms? My son says the same thing. He says he’s not sick and don’t need to go to a doctor. He says I make up things and call the police to pick him up for no reason. It hurts when they say things like that because I don’t think anyone would lie on their love one and have the hospitalized. Our whole life changed forever in September 2015 when he had his first break. Both of our kids are grown. My husband and I suppose to have a little peace of mind and having fun and enjoing each other. With my son and this illness, someone have to be with him at all times when he’s not on his medication. Iam not complaining because I know it’s not his fault. He didn’t asked for this disease, but it does get hard sometimes. We have let him listen to recordings and looked at videos when he’s out of control, but he would still say I still don’t need any medication. We want give up on him. When we feel like he’s a danger to himself or others, We don’t mind having him committed. Some people are against on admitting a person into the hospital against their will. It hurts when we have to do that, but he is much safer in the hospital. He was just release a week ago. He stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks and 4 days. He is doing much much better because he’s on the Invega shot. We will just take it one day at a time. I pray that God gives you strength to deal with your husband. I pray that God heals your broken heart and gives you peace in your home, and I pray that your children read up on his illness and don’t side with him, because this illness will make the sick person sound like he’s right and everybody else is wrong. We are always here and we feel your pain. Hugs​:pray:t4::kissing_heart:


#5

Denial is a big part of the illness. It’s a totally frustrating Catch-22. When someone has cancer they don’t (usually) pretend otherwise. In my experience, part of the problem is with the treatments. Many of the drugs make the patient feel flat and cause weight gain. And the symptoms they suppress is so interesting & exciting.

I wish I had some good advice other than hang in there, keep yourself safe and you will definitely need to make some hard decisions. I find it really helps to give yourself forgiveness when a decision doesn’t turn out great. You are doing the best you can in the moment for sure.


#6

Thanks! It is so a catch 22 :frowning: I am away from him tonight. I have an out of town conference and am taking the opportunity to re-junvinate I guess would be the term. Even this a.m. he was saying that he isn’t sick. That I don’t need to worry about him because he has been taking care of himself for years. Yet, I can’t help but worry. He is telling me that he doesn’t want his meds again, he canceled his therapy appointment. In February this all led to a suicide attempt and 9 days in the hospital. I know I have to trust he will be okay, and trust those who are around him. But it is so hard. I’m sitting here in this awesome motel room, in the nicest hotel I have ever been in, and I’m still wishing I was there, with him just in case. I logically know that I can’t stop my life from happening, that in the long run things for work will benefit us both and is best for us both, yet it is hard. My therapist this a.m. told me that I’m hitting burnout, that I need to think of me first and to take one day at a time…I tend to worry about what is going to happen next, the next shoe to drop, the next step into trouble…first he canceled his therapy session, on the 5th he has a medication review with the doctor, will he go or not go. If he doesn’t go when he runs out of medication I will have to EPC him…something I really do not want to do, but I also can’t let him do this again to himself or to me. I feel selfish when I say that, with how many times others on here have been through hospitalizations…episodes etc. I know in reality I /we are just getting started. I feel like I’m living on the edge of the cliff. :frowning: I really appreciate those out there that are willing to share their stories and give support too. One day I hope I can have more insight…more understanding of what is going on and how to handle it. I am learning, but feel like I am sinking at times.


#7

My21 year old sons was placed in the hospital by his doctor again today I am struggling to not fall apart . It is painful to see him suffer am just glad to know that there are others I can ask for help to best understand his mental illness


#8

I don’t know where you are located, but if there is a NAMI chapter (https://www.nami.org/) near you, you might want to connect with the caregivers group. As great as the internet is for support, sometimes there’s nothing like being with other people face-to-face who understand what you’re going through.

None of us ever feel we are doing a good enough job and truly at some point there is no more energy for something that you really can’t control. Not only is your son a separate person, the law says so! We don’t get to make decisions for them beyond safety - are they a danger to themselves or someone else? And then the choices are involuntary hospitalization or the police. It just plain sucks, honestly.

It’s been 15 years for me and my son lives far away and I don’t hear much about him. I still worry, but I finally realized about 3 years ago that I really have to let it go for both our sakes. I am comforted by the fact that he is safe and not homeless. There are better outcomes, I hear from lots of families where they can stay in touch, have reasonably frequent contact, but even in those cases, it only works based on what the person with schizophrenia wants for him/herself.