Hello. I’m new here. But, I figured I’d give this a shot. I am about at my wits end. My husband is a paranoid schizophrenic. Voices “talk” to him nonstop. They’ve even caused issues in our marriage, trying to convince him that I’m in a gang, and I want to kill him. But anyway, that’s besides the point. For a long while my husband received shots of Haloperidol every 2 weeks. Back in March, it seemed like the meds quit working. His paranoia was through the roof. He paced the floors every night (his symptoms are always worse at night) the voices were trying to turn him against me. It was getting bad. We told his doctor. So his doctor upped the dosage. Which didn’t help at all. After that, he was taken off Haloperidol completely, and put on Abilify. Abilify was a HORRIBLE medication for him. He couldn’t think, convey his emotions, or really carry on conversation. So he took himself off of it. Saying that once it was out of his system it would be time for another doctors appointment and he would tell him it didn’t work. That was a month ago. He did not tell his doctor about the Abilify experience. His doc still believes he is on the medication. I told my husband he really needed to tell his doc so we could try to find something else. That didn’t go over well. He is convinced that the voices in his head are real people. And he needs to find them and kill them to make it all stop. I’ve considered approaching his doc on my own. But if my husband knew that, he would feel betrayed. And I’m worried that then the voices would try harder to convince him I’m the enemy. I don’t know what to do. He needs help. Does anyone here have any ideas on how I could convince him to talk to his doctor about a new medication?
Hi @HMG101p and welcome to this forum. I am sorry for your struggles with your husband’s illness. My daughter still hears her voices despite being on the Haldol shot for 3 years. The voices may never go away, and delusions are slow to change (like his fear of you) but your husband should find some stability on a med that works. If he won’t tell his doctor he is off his meds, I believe that you should. You can always fax the doctor a write up (which I did in the past) so all current reactions and activities of your husband are known to the doc. My daughter often told her doctors something totally different than what I observed.
I agree with @oldladyblue that telling the doctor is a better idea than not. Psychiatrists tend to be pretty savvy about not divulging where information comes from. Insurance companies sometimes note that prescriptions haven’t been refilled and call doctors or refuse to pay for visits if they think a patient isn’t med-compliant. I’ve had nurses or scheduling people check up me out of the blue, so it’s not unheard of getting an unscheduled call asking a patient to come in early for one reason or another. I don’t think HIPAA technically applies for information you provide if you aren’t a patient, but generally doctors offices tend to operate as if it always applies unless pressed or releases are signed.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this difficult situation. I am in the same boat. My wife of 32 beautiful years developed psychosis. She now thinks she is better off without me in her life (truly heartbreaking). I’ve been dealing with this for the past nine months and it is not getting better.
My wife has an aversion to physicians and is definitely against taking meds (this has been a constant in her life, for some reason that I don’t understand … especially since she herself is a pharmacologist). In any event, my two adult children and I have been applying subtle and, sometimes, direct pressure for her to seek medical care. She refuses to believe anything is wrong. She believes strongly in her hallucinations and delusions.
I do not have any advice on how to convince someone like this to seek medical attention. From what I’ve read, the person needs to hit rock bottom before they feel they actually need to seek out care. I’ve been sheltering my wife from hitting rock bottom and I am beginning to think that my actions may be retarding her from hitting rock bottom and then using this for her to self realize that she needs care.
In the end, the person needs to come to this conclusion on their own. Nothing else will work. The faster this happens the better for everyone. So, ask yourself if you are sheltering them from hitting rock bottom (which I am currently doing) which, in turn, may be slowing the pace at which they need to reach this conclusion for themselves.
Good luck. I hope it turns out well for you both.
While many people have had success with the rock bottom approach, many have also had success with Dr Amador’s LEAP method of communication. HIs book “I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help” has made quite the difference in the lives and journeys of many of our families.
There is a symptom called anosognosia that keeps our family members from being able to realize that what they are experiencing is not real. Dr Amador has also made several videos that are available on youtube.
Thanks, Hope. I’m familiar with LEAP and use it in my daily interactions with my wife. My two adult children do, as well. It is very helpful for managing emotional swings that happen on a daily basis.
In regard to motivating my wife to self realize that she needs medical care, this has been a long journey and we are not even close to her doing this, sadly.
No problem, Kevin, I’m glad that you are familiar with LEAP and its methods are helping. Like your wife, it has been a long journey with my son and we are not even close to him realizing he needs medical care for this condition. Anything else medical, he complies with quite willingly.
I have noticed, now, that that he wants my presence quite badly, he is VERY careful about being psychosis negative towards me. We had one outburst aimed at me last fall. I immediately left and drove 5 hours home in the middle of the night. He begged me to return and we have not had another outburst at me since that night.
I believe Amador is right, they may not start taking meds because they agree they need them, but because there is something they want bad enough that they will take meds to keep or get it. Maybe that is what rock bottom is about.
Hope, thanks for your reply. It helps to have someone to talk to so thank you.
I remain somewhat puzzled by as to why these folks do not want to at least try to get medical help. I mean, I get that psychosis sufferers feel that their experiences are real (which supports the idea "… why should I seek medical care when nothing ‘medical’ is wrong with me). However, I believe that psychosis sufferers do get that their life and relationships have markedly changed. I mean after 32 years of beautiful marriage my wife now sees me in the friend zone completely. You would think that this sudden change in feelings towards your life partner would be enough to get them to question their beliefs. But seems this is not the case.
I am so sorry to hear about your son. Spousal relations are, obviously, different. As a parent, I can only imagine the worry that comes with “… how will he do if I am not around to take care of him.” As parents, we worry about our children in what can be a tough world. Layer this on top and the worry never stops. So sorry for your situation.
Enjoy you day today (or, at least try to find some moments in your day that may feel normal or care free). We all need this. My outlet is golf with friends which helps tremendously to refill my strength.
Cheers, Kevin
Kevin, I hope this isn’t intrusive. My third son (by life) is married to a woman with, what they are now thinking, is borderline mixed in with delusions. She takes meds erratically and is quite severe. He continues to stay with her because there is a part of him that believes, some day, she will realize that she really does still love him. She asks him regularly if they could just continue to live together and be roommates.She tells him that she no longer loves him and will never love him. He loves her and hopes that someday she will feel differently towards him. They have a 20 year old and a 7 year old, I totally understand that he does not want to give up. My husband and I just let him know that we support his decisions and we do.
You enjoy your day as well, you are exactly right, we all need carefree times. My husband finds his solace in golf as well - he was out there yesterday. At this point, we have learned to lean into the good times and enjoy them. Thanks so much, Hope
Hello @KevinSkilton , I read your answer to @HMG101p and feel so sad that your 32 years of beautiful marriage are now marred by your wife’s psychosis. I was very lucky to have life interfere with my daughter’s psychosis with the result of forced medication for her in 2019. If it wasn’t for her arrest, jail, forced hospitalization and forced medication I know that she would never have recovered to the extent that she has made a new life for herself. As @hope has mentioned in her post about Dr. Amador, anosognosia is a very real condition that even psychiatrists don’t recognize sometimes. Some ill persons can never see their illness. My daughter still feels her voices and delusions were real, but that they are not affecting her badly anymore. Spousal relations ARE very different, as you said. I can hardly imagine how hard it is for you to be friend zoned by your wife without her being able to see how odd that is.
@hope , I am amazed at the strength you’ve had to help your family and others and I wish for you to always feel support back from those who know you.