My Husband Won't Get Help (need advice)

My husband and I have been married for almost two years and we have been together for over five now. He was not diagnosed as schizophrenic until recently and the psychiatrist, therapist, counselor, social worker, and MD have yet to determine if its schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and if it is if its bipolar type or not. He was hospitalized once so far about two weeks ago. He was in there for three days, which should have been longer. When your husband looks at you and says “why don’t you want me to come home?” and is about in tears its hard to refuse. We are both 30 so they said schizophrenia is very unlikely to start at 30 and the more we started talking about his young adult life and everything else things started fitting in. I can’t believe it went this long without me noticing and sometimes I am angry that I didn’t see it before now. I wish I could have gotten him help before now, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

Two nights ago his step dad and I finally convinced him to go to the hospital and let the doctor check him out. He got there and was okay and said he would do what the doctor said he should do. Then when they wanted to admit him he threw a fit, did not want to be admitted. He isn’t a danger to himself or others so he wasn’t forced to stay. I sat in the hospital waiting room for 5 hours that night, trying to convince him to go in and get the help he needed. I tried to be stubborn and told him that I wasn’t leaving until he saw a psychiatrist. It didn’t work. He doesn’t have an appointment until July 7th but every day its getting tremendously worse. I can’t get him in before that, the only way the psychiatrist will see him is if he is admitted into the hospital.

I talk to his brother and his mom and step dad daily, figuring if we are on the same page then maybe my husband would see it and get help or agree to see the doctors. His brother mentioned to me today that he had told him last night that he wasn’t taking his meds and “don’t tell” is what he said. I have watched him take them, insisted he take them in front of me, and he has been. I don’t know if he is pulling something over on me, or if he doesn’t remember taking the meds or what.

Last night he didn’t sleep at all. He paced back and forth in the hall way. He apparently read an article on the internet about this conspiracy on the CIA using pyschotronic torture to get people to do things for them. He feels that the CIA or some other agency has talked to our neighbors (like 5 different houses) and convinced them to take turns trying to convince him that he is crazy. He says this is exactly how he feels and what he thinks happening to him.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say. I went to work today (my job is very relaxed, I work for my parents in our own family business) because I could not stay at home and listen to it one more second. I need advice.

I absolutely love my husband. I’d switch places in a heart beat so that he didn’t have to go through this. I wasn’t trying to make it seem like I wanted to get rid of him. I want to know how to help him. I want to figure out how I can make things easier or how I can get him help. I am the only one he trusts pretty much all of the time, I don’t want to walk out on him. I married him, good bad, sick or healthy, rich or poor. This disease or issue doesn’t change that.

Welcome to the forum @nickki5584.

First is learning what you can about schizophrenia and psychosis so that you know what you are dealing with. It doesn’t make everything ok but it can help to know that how he is acting is part of the disease.

Some of these links may help: - under resources are free videos on using LEAP
LEAP is a way of communicating to build trust. Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner. - Dr. Xavier Amador is a clinical psychologist whose brother had schizophrenia. He is the founder of the LEAP Institute. Wrote the book: I’m Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! Can buy from his website.
Search Xavier Amador and LEAP on and you should find some long videos
Treatment Advocacy Center - under problems you will see anosognosia
Anosognosia looks like denial but is different.
Bayes for Schizophrenics: Reasoning in Delusional Disorders - LessWrong - helped my understand delusions - National Alliance on Mental Illness. - Schizophrenia Society of Canada

Can also find some very useful information here:

Early Psychosis Treatment center information in these two links

Psychiatric Treatment Centers affiliated with Medical Schools in the USA

This link may help you find a psychiatrist in your area

I’m guessing that dealing with late onset can not be easy. Not that it is easy for anyone but after living your life and thinking that everything is going as planned etc to have it all turned upside down can’t be easy for either one of you.

With my son we discuss medications in terms of anxiety as it is something that we both agree he needs help with. He takes his antipsychotics because they help him with it. I also discuss medications in terms of dopamine (and other) neurotransmitters. I think his brain produces to much dopamine. It’s a bit different than me telling him that he is sick and needs to be fixed.

His paranoia regarding the CIA, etc seems to be fairly normal. When you are feeling paranoia so strongly then it’s kind of logical to think that outside things are happening to cause it. He can’t see that it is originating from within himself. A line I came across once that stuck with me and went something like this: Assume that reality is such that my mental state is justified.

Don’t beat yourself up for not seeing the warning signs. You are were you are and the past can’t be changed and even knowing what you know now may not change were you are today.

here’s how I look today, I believe due to the stress of dealing with mentally ill people in my ‘family’

I used to look like this

I see a neurologist next week: As a precautionary action, a person who notices a drooping eyelid,
uneven dilation of one pupil, or even minor changes, such as delayed
movement of one eye, should contact a neurologist. A drooping eyelid can
be one of the first signals of a third nerve palsy due to a cerebral
aneurysm, that otherwise is asymptomatic and referred to as an
oculomotor nerve palsy. A person experiencing this condition would be
wise to seek a neurologist who would order a CT scan to rule out the
possibility of a cranial aneurysm being present or in development.

is it worth the risk to your own health to be a caregiver? my answer will always be ‘no’.

Cannot add to the good advice Barbie gave you. Maybe your husband can take injections instead of swallowing pills. Fighting with him to take them is not going to work. If he takes once or twice a month injections, he won`t have to take a pill. So sorry. I am glad your family, and his, are with you on this…you need the support.

I think you still look beautiful. :slight_smile: Though I to too have changes in my face, I have part of the 11 lines going on my forehead. The area between the forehead, eyebrows and upper nose. I have a deep crease from where I have frowned, scrunched up my face and cried so often the muscle has collapsed on itself.

The stress from what we go through comes across our faces and bodies. I am 30 years old and now have strands of grey through my black hair.

I understand where you are coming from.

I have been with my fiancé for almost a decade. We recently got engaged. I have been on the end of my fiancé’s psychosis.

What I did was I finally had enough of his psychosis, I went to his doctor and told his doctor about my fiancé’s behaviour. I stayed away from him for nearly 7 months. I found out he was put into a mental health facility by force. He finally got the help he needed. While he was in hospital he contacted me everyday, telling me he needed me.

He is on injections, he believes he does not have a problem but he has a community order to get the injections and if he does not get it, he will be made to return to the mental health facility and stay for a few months. My fiancé is also on a mental health register and if anything happens such as his psychosis is back and he is a danger to himself or others then I can report him.

All I can say is the medication is a blessing, my fiancé is back to the loving guy I knew is there all that time. He praises me, he tells me he loves me everyday and he treats me like a queen. He is also thinking so much clearer.

Can you call a mental health line to seek advice on your situation?

I’m glad to hear that you and your husband are doing so much better. :purple_heart:

Thanks Barbie :smiley: I haven’t been on in ages as so much has been happening. I hope you and your lovely son are well?

It’s been 10 months since his last break which is the longest yet. He is working on getting his GED (high school equivalent) . Having what I call little hiccups but making it through. Just had a hiccup trying him on Adderall for his ADHD. Wasn’t a good thing lol.

Glad he is doing great :slight_smile: Will the doctors try him on something different if Adderall does not take effect?

The Adderall took affect… Triggered psychosis unfortunately. At this point stimulants are out of the picture. Maybe later if my son agrees we can try Strattera but no more stimulants.

Update… My husband calmed down yesterday enough to finally talk to him some about what was going on. I told him if he was really worried for our safety that staying a night or so in the hospital wouldn’t be such a bad thing. It would be protected, locked, secured, video cameras etc. He agreed. about 6 hours later he was admitted into the hospital psychiatric care unit. The doctor talked to him last night and this morning and agrees he should be in there for at least 5 days. Now its just a waiting game and letting the meds start working and just watching and seeing how he progresses.

@BarbieBF you have no idea how thankful I am to you. When I came to this forum I was lost and had no clue what I should do or how I should do it. You weren’t negative nor discouraging. You took the time and gave me a list of resources I hadn’t found yet and in that search I found the book IM NOT SICK, i don’t need help by Dr. Xavier Amador. If it was not for that one book that you recommended my husband would not be getting the help he needs at the hospital right now. I’ve been married for a little over a year and with Josh for almost six and he is the kindest, caring man I’ve ever known. He is my best friend. I feel like I’m one step closer to being able to help him and that means the world to me.

Thank you. I really do appreciate that I am able to provide help and support. I’m so happy for you and your husband that you were able to talk him into accepting treatment. Baby steps, someones a bit of the cha-cha but well worth the effort.

I completely agree. It’s a learning experience, and so incredibly new to everyone in both of our families. I have a great aunt who is bi polar but i never knew much about her and he had some distant relative as well who had something but other than that its kind of just new to everyone around us. I feel like I’m overloading information to everyone. My family, his family, our friends, no one understands the disease, no one really understands what it is like. It’s like trying to get this group of people that want to help to understand it to be able to help. In your experience it sounds like you have a husband and yourself that really work with your son. Sometimes I feel like I’m sorta in this on my own without a partner because it would be him and I against the world. I’ve been talking to his brother (he is 5 years older than my husband) daily about everything, and my husband talks to him as well. His brother is the most helpful of our family so we are pairing with these decisions. I guess I’m somewhat scared of deciding things on my own that will impact him, myself and our families…