My husband was hospitalized about 2 months ago.
He is doing much better on the meds they have given him this time. Although, he did have a spell where he wasn’t taking them correctly and I could tell by his behavior, but he is now back on track.
Today, he started telling me that he realizes he has been depressed for some time and that he feels he is coming out of it. This is after we had an argument about him not being on Medicare Part B and how the doctor bills have just piled up over the last 3 years from his hospital stays and whatnot.
He told me that I should give him a break because he is just now coming out of this state of depression he has been in for many years. He is Schizophrenic and as far as I know there is no cure, only to keeping taking meds as they are prescribed. He told me that I have no idea what it’s like to be depressed.
I reminded him that I have been the one taking care of him, his parents, our son and the house while holding down a job for the last 3 years on my own. And that I find it hard to wrap my head around the things I need to do because I am exhausted and fed up with how my life turned out.
It has ruined my marriage and I really don’t know if there is a way to get it back as I really don’t feel the same anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I do still love him, but not in the same way. I took a vow 13 years ago for sickness and in health and I plan on seeing it thru regardless of his mental state. But I am angry.
He acts like I should be ecstatic over this break through he has made when I know it is the meds. It’s like to him, he thinks the slate has been wiped clean. He has said a lot of hurtful things to me, blocked me out of his life and has just lived in total secrecy to the point we just stopped talking and I patiently wait for the right time to call the right people to come to my house, evaluate him and take him to the hospital. I know this is his illness, but it doesn’t change the resentment I have toward him. I’ve been thru total HELL the last 3 years and I can’t just suddenly forget it.
Every time he stops taking his meds, I become the enemy. He hasn’t helped me make one decision regarding our son, his parents or the house in 3 years and I’ve carried the stress of all of it, including losing my full time management job I worked so hard to get, only to get it and lose it 3 months later because he couldn’t take care of our son at night.
Losing the full time management job and having to go back to part time was painful as hell to me; I waited a long time to get it and it provided health insurance for him and my son. I can’t just forget all of this and I guess I am writing to anyone who may have pointers on how to get past the resentment. Thanks for listening!