Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How do u help someone who thinks your hurting them?


#1

I’d really appreciate some advice here. I honestly don’t want to turn my back on my loved one but I think I’ve ran out of options.
My now ex boyfriend with whom I have a 2 year old little girl. Around 7 months ago
Told me that myself and his friends had tried 'setting him up’
We wer passing information about him.
He began to accuse me daily of poisoning his food.
He was becoming highly aggressive
Also periods of crying
Repeatedly asking me to tell him who we all wer !
He had spells of having a really unusual stare and wouldn’t say what was wrong, he appeared to be struggling internally.
One night his brain was buzzing… He believes I caused this by drawing a picture of Father Christmas.
He started drinking every day as that was the antidote to the poison I was giving him. He had a month off work at the onset of this, but now works everyday goes to the gym functions well however still holds these beliefs
I straight away
I took him to hospital, they said that he should stay away from drugs or drink. He had some substance misuse issues however since this happened he hasn’t used any drugs as far as I am aware.
I took him to the doctors they just referred him
He’s been seen by the early intervention team
Psychiatrists
And all of them have done nothing because he has engaged well
And been clean and presentable
Even though they have said he has bizarre beliefs around me and other’s conspiring against him.
I’ve got no words for how much I love this man and miss him everyday :broken_heart::disappointed: My daughter also misses him
Every time we see him he then accuses me again.
He has gone into hiding in a different town and he still thinks I am poisoning him.
He appears to get worse then better then worse again.
The biggest problem is he is totally unaware that he has a problem he believes entirely that his beliefs are true.
He is not understanding why he can’t take his daughter out alone. And thinks I am breaking his bond with her.
He’s very angry with me for what he perceives I’ve done.
The last advice I was given was to wait until he comes to the attention of the authorities! Being maybe picked up by the police.
I suppose it’s impossible to recover our relationship. But I want him to be helped for himself and his daughter. Somethimes u can see he is really struggling… please excuse the long text.
Do any of u have any advice??? I would be most appreciative
Many thanks
Xxx


#2

I am sorry but I don’t have answers. I just want you to know you aren’t alone. My husband is doing the same thing, except we have no children together.

My husband acts the same way around police and doctors, and somehow charms them. I don’t know what to do either.


#3

Hey chic I’m sorry to hear your in a similar situation, it truly is heartbreaking :disappointed: Does your husband blame you ? Does he have no insight either ?


#4

No insight. He’s undiagnosed (except for delusional psychosis by a family dr), and self medication with street drugs. His family is convinced it’s drug induced so he just needs to get off the drugs. Um, drug induced for a year and a half? I think not.

He thinks my ex husband and his family are in a grand conspiracy that I am a part of, including his absolute belief that he met me years ago to install equipment in my car when he worked with law enforcement. Frankly, I have no idea what that even means. Apparently my memory has been erased and he has work to do… he thinks he’s undercover for the DEA and using drugs to get info is the work… government mind control in our house and I’m being mind controlled too…

It’s devastating to be hated and not to be able to do anything. I get vague threats and “Leave me the f@#% alone” OR “I am broken into nanoparticles that you were in on it, you b $@#/”, mostly because I contact him almost daily bcz we are still married and not only do I love and miss him but I’m the only one who will get him help. If I didn’t contact him I don’t think I would hear from him at all, even with his car in my driveway and all his belongings here.

How is your situation? I know it has been some time. Did yours ever get treatment? Is he still paranoid about you? Does he see your daughter? Have you been able to move on?


#5

Wow !!! My heart truly goes out to you !!! Like you I’m the only person trying to get my ex help… And it’s a losing battle, the most bizarre obstacle being the mental health service expect him to ask for help ?Which will never happen as he has no insight ! Even though lack of insight is recognised in mental Heath disorders !!! So he remains untreated. Another problem Is he moved to another town and I don’t know where he lives. Even though he thinks I poison him there :flushed: So I can’t call help for him at home. Recently I’ve had very sporadic contact with him for 2 reasons. Every time I see him he accuses me of poisoning him some how. The second being is I still love him very much and I try to handle the situation but I usually just end up becoming upset, I miss him so much… My ex is still today physically the most beautiful man I have ever seen or been in a relationship with so I just die when I put my eyes on him… He believes our relationship was totally staged as part some revenge from an ex friend of his. Who’s wife came on to him once at a party! He even thinks his family are in on it even though they are in another country. I’ve found he’s also put himself on dating websites and ones that people meet up for sex. That broke me into nano pieces !!! I realise now unless something amazing happens our relationship is totally un salvageable :disappointed: But I try now for my daughter with 1% hope left for me and him. Prior to this he was the most amazing father… He still loves her so much but I can not give her to him unsupervised which he will not accept. He thinks ive tried putting him through mental health services to make him look crazy to cover my own tracks…he hates me with passion now :disappointed:
Your husbands delusions seem much more bizarre. Have you ever called an ambulance for him? I did not do this and I regret it. When he was most psychotic I kept ringing the crisis team which resulted in nothing, I should of rang emergency services. And had him sectioned. Or have u thought about actually ringing the police when he is in possession of drugs. If they arrest him his behaviour may result in him having a psychiatric evaluation and being detained !? My ex has not used drugs to my knowledge since he left and is still paranoid. Can I ask
When did this all start for u ? What was the first unusual thing that happened ?


#6

My husband said God was speaking to him 3 years ago. He asked and God gave him all the knowledge there is. It got more and more bizarre after that bcz after all, how do you argue with God? I really didn’t think it was a delusion. What was wrong with me, I don’t know.


#7

Sorry, didn’t mean to send yet. When he destroyed the kids rooms and I got the restraining order 7 weeks ago, it didn’t occur to me to have him committed. I wish I had but I was scared of him and worried about my kids. Now it’s too late.

In my state you have to be an imminent danger to yourself or others. Since he’s with his mom and she’s letting him do what he wants, even drugs, I cant imagine he will fly into a rage. My honest hope is that he gets high on crack and gets aggressive, but the only way we would know to call anyone is if his brother was there. (He got in a fight with the brother that necessitated a call to the police and we did try the commitment then but the police never went).

My brother in law was just telling me he was sorry if he had given me false hope- I guess about reconciliation? I feel like for my husband and our marriage (which though I took out the restraining order he acts like he left me), and though he has done horrible things I love him and I want him to get better and maybe work on things.

I am probably doing a bad thing. I text him “Goodnight, I love you” each night. No response usually. I’m doing that for a few reasons :1) he’s my husband; 2) I think he’s depressed; and 3) I don’t want him to think I’ve abandoned him. I want to leave the door open.

Maybe the next best thing that could happen is if his mother kicked him out. It’s coming soon. As long as he has no money he will not leave town. That might help bcz he has no where to go. He gets paid in a week though, so I bet she will wait until he has money. Then he will leave town or get his own place and I can’t imagine what would happen.


#8

I was the same in the beginning, my ex also had a episode about 2 and half years ago, again thinking I’d poisoned him and conspired against him with his friends and he ran away, it settled down within a month. I put it down to the fact he had smoked meth a few times. The second big episode around 8 months ago…i didn’t believe him at first I thought he was putting it on… I thought he was pretending to be insane to leave me, until one day I saw his boss who came over and said omg he’s crazy he needs a psychiatrist, only then did I believe fully he was Unwell. I also realise the whole time he had been calculating everything but kept it hidden. Until he broke down. I was arguing with him. Getting angry with him for thinking these things. Frustrated at the things he was saying. I snapped and thew him out. Which I regret because he was so ill. And I didn’t know he would never come back… His family gave me hope saying he had said he just needs time to come round in his head but that didn’t happen as he gets worse then better but still holds the delusions :disappointed: What is your husbands mothers take on this…? Does she let him use drugs so he calms down ? Is she aware of how unwell he is ? Would she co operate with u to get him into treatment ? Here in uk we have early intervention teams you can call them and they could arrange an appointment they evaluated my ex at his home. Unfortunately I wasn’t present and he did well in the assessment. So they discharged him. They told me because it was just me saying he was unwell they couldn’t do much. Nobody else cared to ring them. If u wer both there or would his brother facilitate that and call them with u ? Is they a history in the family. It appears my ex’s dad and brother are also suffering but with what I don’t know !


#9

His mother has some sort of mental illness and was hospitalized in her 30s. I don’t understand it but she let’s him smoke crack at her house and prays for him. I came up with a plan for her to tell him hospital or get out and passed it on through my brother in law but she won’t do it. My brother in law saw him today and said he had horrible skin things on his lips… bad bad rash. I asked if it was a fever blister and he said no…no pimple. My husband was at my brother in law’s house 2 days ago and smoked something and my brother in law said not crack or pot… I have this feeling it’s meth.

I honestly can’t believe that this has happened to him or me or us. Who is this drug using person? Who is this mentally ill person who hates me? I’m praying so much, and I’m so sad and certainly don’t want to be without him or start over at 45… I have to find a way to accept this.

I don’t think you should leave him alone with your child either. I don’t know the laws in the UK, but I know how my husband has turned into a different person and is not at all safe around my children.

I agree with you though… I don’t know how to move on or get through it. And it’s funny we both didn’t know it was delusions and other people did. I just thought it was his weird conspiracy theories gone crazy.


#10

So it appears that u have a good level of communication with your husbands brother. However the fact he also lets him use drugs shows your husbands family are not acting appropriately and that is no disrespect to them. It’s probably that they are largely not capable due to their own problems. His mother seems most definitely incapable. Praying about this situation in my honest opinion will do absolutely nothing. At best see it as god put psychiatrists on the planet for a reason. Here in the uk you can take steps to have someone sectioned under the mental health act… do you have this in your state ? Usually you need a doctor (maybe the family doctor he has seen previously?) and yourself then I think a police officer.
Something like this would probably be the best thing.
As it stands the situation will probably continue to worsen. And if he leaves his mothers home it will potentially get much harder… As I well know.
I think it highly unlikely this will get any better without medical intervention. i had the opportunity so many times to do this and I hesitated ! He is having severe delusions. This is awful for you. And what this must be like for him… I can’t even imagine. I’d pull out the big guns now and risk it all because at this point you have nothing to loose. Him potentially leaving his mothers could mean the loss of all contact. For an indefinite period of time. plus look at the positives. If u pull this off and he received treatment he could be medicated and start to pick up. If his family don’t like it that’s not your problem all they seem to be doing is making it worse anyway. hes your husband


#11

Totally agree 100%… just need a specific example of dangerous to self or others.


#12

How are you? How are you handling not seeing your ex?


#13

Ahhh ok maybe it differs in the states from the uk, here u can be sectioned if you are in need of intensive treatment without necessarily being a danger to yourself to anyone else.
In the beginning after I threw him out… I think I had a breakdown myself. After months of him accusing me and being nasty to me. I was also angry with myself. I smashed his laptop, I set fire to some of his clothes, I cried morning and night. I was in a right mess. One time I took him to an appointment with a psychiatric nurse. I told him it was sort this out or u can’t see your daughter, then half way through he asked me to leave. I waited till he came out and went nuts at him. I even chased him in my car. He pulled over and just said only 5% chance was left of him coming home and the way I was acting was ruining it. That gave me false hope. That day the woman who saw him was in a bad car accident so we had to wait forever for her report. Even I started to feel like it was a conspiracy against me. Now I’m better than before, I’ve calmed down but every day is a struggle. Sometimes I think why did this happen to us. I get angry at him for taking drugs and ruining everything. Then I think it’s not his fault. Then I get angry at myself for the way I handled it. Generally I just want to hug him. Even just once for one minute. The nights are the worst. It’s the most bizarre situation to be in. Then they is the worry about them. Are they ok ? Are they going to kill themselves? Will they hurt someone else…Plus all my little girl talks about is daddy…! Which upsets me ! What about you ? How are you doing ? Are u holding it down better than me lol ?