My son is doing awful right but I hope things get better for us and we can find some peace soon. Even a small respite from this insanity would be nice. I will post more about this later. Uggg
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The years when they are in their 30ās can be especially tricky.
Thank you so much 
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Hugs to you @irene for trying to support your loved ones. Hugs to you @Hope and thanks for posting these photos and your story.
Fighting to help our loved ones with schizophrenia, especially when they refuse medication or treatment is something the ānormiesā would never understand. My daughter had such a rough 4 years or so unmedicated but thought she was fine and the world was off. Now after being medicated for 3 years she can see those years of repetitive or constant episodes for what they were and her own illness. But it took years of medication for her to gain that insight.
Yes, this is a long thread, however, this thread is THE reason why I never gave up the fight for my daughter. I still remember finding it the first time on a google search. It helped me dig up the compassion she needed when it was super bad. She is turning 40 the end of this month.
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hope, that is a smile to remember. Thank you for sharing Mike with us.
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So true! Every night lately I think to myself, well , you survived another day of schizophrenia! It so affects the caregiver, it almost can make you feel insane. Thanks Hope for all your insightful knowledgable posts over the years. It certainly helped me to read them.
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@hope Iām so sorry to hear that Mike passed away. Iām glad you got to reconnect and spend so much time together for the last 18 months.
Iām very grateful that you created this thread. Itās the first one that I read when I discovered this forum. Your advice and the support have been very much appreciated. I would never wish this experience on anyone, but Iām grateful that Iām not alone. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story.
I hope that youāre at peace knowing that you did everything you could to support Mike. Hopefully with time the bad memories will fade and the good oneās will remain strong. Please take care of yourself.
Indy Mom
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@IndyMom , thanks so much. We are already finding ourselves focused on the good times, it has been nice that way.
They say that cancer families often feel relieved when their loved ones die. I can understand, cancer is hard way to die. We did not feel relief, we simply felt the loss, it has been a hard blow. You would have thought we would have just felt the loss of the current Mike, itās not been like that at all. We strongly feel the loss of both, so many memories of ābeforeā Mike have come flooding into our memories. It was as though, now that Mike with scz was gone, we could clearly remember our original Mike and the loss was doubly painful.
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Dear Hope. Iām so sorry to hear that Mike lost his battle. Your heart must be absolutely broken. I know how much you loved him and how hard you tried to save him, on so many fronts. You are an absolute warrior. Peace to Mike. Peace to you all.
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Thank you Day-by-Day. Mike wanted to keep living so much. He loved his life with his cats in his little rent house. Hoping peace reigns in your world.
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In the short amount of time I have been here it has been clear how hard you have advocated for Mike and how generous you are with your support here as well. I was so sad for you to read he has lost his battle with cancer. 
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Thank you @Sarafina. Your work to help your friend on her journey has thrown you right into the middle of our world. Helping someone with a brain disorder shouldnāt be impossible, but there are those times.
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Yes, Hope. Things go up and down, but we do now have peace here. Our son will never be who he was, and he will always struggle with his wretched illness, but Clozapine brought him out of the hell he was living in. For that, we know we are extremely fortunate and we are so very grateful.
I couldnāt bear the thought of losing our son, so my heart absolutely aches for you. Hopefully, with time, you and your family will continue to heal, get strong again, and continue to cherish those ābeforeā memories.
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My thoughts and prayers goes out to you. This is a fight that has no end.
I hope that with time and continued treatment you will see more and more of āhimā emerge. Heāll never behave the same, but he is still your son. SZ robs people of a lot but not who they are inside. At least that is how I see it.
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Thank you @kwillkat . After 3 plus years of Clozapine, we do have so so much of him back. Itās the negative symptoms that remain the beast.
But, Iāll take the negatives over the positives all day long. We are very fortunate.
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I wish there were therapies or drugs for the negatives. It is impossible for those of us who donāt have this disorder to imagine how debilitating it must be to not feel joy and lack motivation, sometimes even to shower or brush teeth, let alone interact with others with enthusiasm. Maybe the concept of depression comes close, even though most people with SZ arenāt depressed, per se. And yet there can be moments when the negatives retreat, and we need to savor those āemergentā moments, rare as they may be.
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@kwillkat There is a medicine for negative symptoms that was being developed a few years ago in Boston. I was involved in a panel at the developing company along with 9 other caregivers. Perhaps it is released by now, I actually donāt know.
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Thank you so much Margi - its a tragedy what happens to our family members.
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Without you and Hereandhere and many others, we would never have been able to help Mike. The people on this forum made everything possible. We are grateful. We were lucky, Mike still had a zest for life on his better days, and he did enjoy those days.
In the last couple of months, after the brain mets affected his short term memory, he would allow me be with him at his oncology doctor appointments, infusions and radiation treatment. We grew quite close at the end. I am glad we lived together those last 18 months, I know it wasnāt easy for him.
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