SOmeone posted yesterday that they also were the spouse of someone with schizophrenia and thought there was a minimum amount becuz it’s usually diagnosed young and they usually don’t marry. I agree, but am in need of some commiseration. Everything I read about support, education, and just plain fellowship is mostly parents, siblings, and friends. I’m sure there’s a few couples in the mix somewhere but I have yet to find any.
Any of you out there? Can u wave ur hand wildly if you’re out there, just to let me know I’m not along? I feel so alone, as everything I read or research is about parent-child or sibling relationship. I have yet to find any about caring for ur spouse. As I said, the person who replied to me the other day was most likely correct in saying that becuz mental illness is usually diagnosed so early in life, most never marry, therefore spouses are never in the mix. I’m reading Dr Amadors book on getting help for your loved one who doesn’'t think he’s sick - and not once in the 1/3 of the book I’ve read so far does it even mention the spousal relationship.
I believe we ARE different. We’ve lost our best friend, the loves of our lives, the person with whom we’ve made future plans with and dreamed with. The one we shared our lives, families, homes, finances,hearts with. We had plans to grow old. We may now have no one to talk to about this. I know for me I’ve fought this for the last 2 yrs, to not see what was right in my face becuz I couldn’t face losing the life I had. Yes, I see whats becoming of him, of us. I see him getting worse and worry if tonite is the nite that his voices will tell him to do something he cant take back, just becuz I worry about changing our lives or hope that if I give it “just one more week to see if that’ll help bring him back”.
NONE of my family or friends know about this. Well, my aunt knows he’s having some problems with mental illness and needs prayer - no specifics. The only ones that know is my stepson and daughter in law. I talk to my DIL daily aboout it but I know she’s sick of hearing about it. We moved from SO Ca to Wa after my elderly FIL died last year and we sold the house. We decided we didn’t want to buy a house in Ca and moved to Wa to spend more time with son and 2 grandsons. We’ve been living in sons driveway in our RV waiting for house to sell (which it did in Oct). Husbands been staying busy with work (he works full time in Seattle) which makes his symptoms lesson by about 80% but when he’s off more than a couple days, he gets worse. He’s had the last 10 days off. He’s been progressively getting worse the ast 6 days. My stepson doesn’t believe that theres a problem. He thinks his dad can control it. He hasn’t seen it in all its glory. Husband acts a little “weird” in front of son but not out of control. But then, son doesn’t believe in mental illness, doctors, vaccinations, etc. His 5 yr old (which I believe has ADHD) is acting totally normal when he kicks and hits my dog, punches a random kid on the park slide, throws other kids toys in the girls bathroom toilet at school. has his kindergarten teacher call home 6x in first 5 weeks of school, prompting 2 meetings in 1st 6 weeks. Totally normal for a 5 yr old boy. Ok. I guess it’s totally normal for someone to pace for hours cuz if you stand still, “they” will make u go blind. Or not turn on ur computer (and it’s funny cuz my husband prides himself on his computers, which he builds himself and puts much love and effort into the “perfect” model) for 3 days cuz if he does, not only will “they” steal all of our money, but “they” then know where to find us and they will find us an possibly kill us. Totally normal
ANyway, can I see the spouses out there? Holler and maybe we can fellowship a little. Talk about what sets us apart from the rest of the family members. I in no way am saying we have it more difficult or better than anyone else - I’m just saying that our relationship is unique and I believe we should have a a section dedicated to the problems that lie with a marriage relationship.