Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How to ask my spouse to come here


#1

Sorry, this may not be the right area to post and ask this, but as I figured most of you in this area are family members or spouses of individuals with sz, you may have suggestions as to how I might get my wife to come to the site and, I don’t know, see that others have the same issues we have, or even gain some support for herself…
I was diagnosed late 2013 I think it was, but have had my problems from as far back as nine years old. I don’t know how much she even knows about schizophrenia, and I know she doesn’t know pretty much anything that I personally go through. We don’t talk about it. She’s never asked me, and when I do say about things, she seems like she doesn’t want to hear it. I know since she took me to the hospital and I got diagnosed, it’s been burdensome on her, but I’m really missing my friend, and wife. It’s been a rough couple of years for us, and I think that if she read some of the other diagnosed accounts of what others are dealing with she would see that I’m not just being weird or a useless mess on purpose. Or to read how other family members may be feeling the same frustrations, it may help our relationship. I dunno, I would just like her to be more of an active part of what I’m going through, as I don’t verbalize things well enough. I am much better at writing things out, but she doesn’t want to text with me, she says she wants a husband that can have conversations aloud with her. That’s crushing. At least if she were here she could read my posts, and gain some insight to my thoughts, feelings, etc.

What can I do or say in a way that isn’t selfish sounding or implying that she’s not doing enough for me? Because believe me, I know the things she goes through because of or for me. Any suggestions or ideas or thoughts on the matter would be greatly appreciated. I just don’t know how to ask her, it’s embarrassing, and I fear what she may think of me.


#2

Wow I can’t believe this…she is so lucky that you want her to be involved. …and should not be embarrassed at all. …you are both married and she should try to understand how you are feeling.
My boyfriend who has sz broke up with me and told me that it was too much for him to be in a relationship. …I was so supportive and loved him very much and I would have never left him. …I heard that as one gets older with this illness it may get worse. …but I would have stayed with him and did my best…good luck


#3

I’m a diagnosed, and I’d say just make sure you ask, it doesn’t much matter how, just do it!

One way would be to print out what you have written, or maybe a couple of other treads, to show her what’s going on here. (If you don’t have a printer this can usually be done at a library now.).

I started out by showing my wife some of the photographs, art work, and humorous posts here on my laptop. One of the wonderful things about schizophrenia is that it can’t destroy your sense of humor or your appreciation for art.

Best of luck… and you know yourself you really should do it.


#4

**So sorry to hear this!
i agree with the above suggestions-but she could educate herself. There are so many books out there.
I would just ask her to check us out. This is not a selfish request at all. Sounds like you are trying to work through this. She needs to be on board with you-
She should also check out a local support group for herself.
**


#5

In reading your post I have a question. Is she interested in learning more? It doesn’t sound like she is.


#6

No, I don’t believe she does… the night i posted the original post, she had come in to get on to me for not being in bed. I was in the middle of posting about how I was aafraidto sleep because of a repetitive dream I’ve been having. And I told her thats what I was doing, not just messing around, I was on a support forum because I feel like I can’t too her because it seems she doesn’t want to hear about it. She told me she doesn’t, she’s sorry it’s happening to me but she doesn’t want to know. The discussion then turned to how she wants a normal husband… so I am lost as to what to do in any respect. I hurt so bad sometimes…


#7

I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

Nothing hurts more than realizing you are not what your spouse wants you to be.
This sounds harsh, but unless she is willing to accept you as you are, your in for a very long road of misery.
I wasted 25 years of my life (Dx’d the last 15 of those 25) on a spouse that never really wanted to be with me.

It’s up to you as to how much your willing to accept from your spouse, but unless you crack that ice surrounding their heart…you just may be in for more hurt than should be allowed by law.


#8

If she is unwilling to learn or give support then there isn’t much that you can do. :purple_heart:


#9

Thank you for the answers. Once again I’ve been told to leave and not come back. So I’m not home, again. I did today ask her to at least check this place out and read and hopefully find support and maybe some sense of not having to deal with this alone.
I am so hurt, but I just want her to be a happy person and not feel so burdened.

Thank you again for offering your answers and goodwill. It’s good to know someone sympathizes.