Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How To Bring Up the Topic That He Is SZ

#1

My husband first started showing strong signs of SZ in Jan 2015. It was then that I was confused about what was wrong and I asked a doctor about it (his dr). I told the doctor the weird things my husbands had said and done. The doctor said it sounded like paranoid SZ. So with that being said, my husband is not diagnosed. I confronted my husband and said he has this symptom and that symptom and that it was okay. He is still HIM no matter any health issues etc. That was in 2015. By the time the year 2016 came I was so exhausted from arguing with him that he needed help or that I AM NOT doing those things he blames me for that I totally quit mentioning he needed help at all. Then in June 2016 he started telling me he is not my husband; we are done; no longer in a relationship. Don’t touch him, kiss him, ANYTHING. It is now July 2017. I have not mentioned him needing help in over a year. I feel I have totally lost him so he keeps getting worse.
It is to the point now, I am hurt, tired, mad at him for not getting help, mad because he wants a divorce over a LIE (I am not cheating), and confused. I don’t know should I try harder to get him help or should I just leave him. He REALLY wants me to leave. But if I left, he would have not food, water, utilities, nothing. He would die of starvation I guess or depression. So here I am, I feel stuck. I love him, don’t want to leave. But when I do muster up the energy to leave I am stuck with well where will he go and do. He will keep the house so I would have to move. NOT MAN UP AND LET ME HAVE IT OF COURSE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE THE KID.

Anyway, I figure it is time to starting bringing up the topic again. I know how it will go though. He will tell me I am just trying to make him look crazy. He will get aggravated with me and tell me to leave him alone, WE would be back in the stressing type environment although I stress everyday anyway. How am I supposed to tell him he needs help and he actually listen to me. He don’t trust me, has no love for me and i have had family tell him and he don’t listen to them ether. HELP! Any options, comments, advise welcomed!

#2

Hi Kathy,
What’s going on?
I don’t really have any great ideas about getting your husband to treatment. I guess all you can do is ask him one more time.
If you don’t want to live with him, and he won’t leave, you may have to temporarily. If he can’t support himself, then he won’t be able to pay the rent/mortgage.
It is a major inconvenience for you and your son, but you may just have to move out in order to bring the situation to a head, so to speak

Your parents are supportive, right? Go stay with them for awhile. You may have more leverage to your argument that he needs help, if you are not there.

#3

True. If i was to leave, he may be more willing to talk about his problems. But if i leave, i don’t know that i want to come back. But at least he would maybe get help though.

He seriously needs help. And me catering to his needs and walking on egg shells to make sure i do nothing he might be paranoid about is a little much. He is getting worse with me doing nothing.

#4

I totally get what you are going thru, by the way, I was in a similar situation with my ex (but no kids). I was the one who worked, he was resistant to treatment, etc.
You just have to do what you know in your heart is the right thing to do. It’s hard. If you are unhappy with the status quo, then you have to act! Maybe I’m watching too much Dr.Phil😊, but I hope you find the courage to give yourself a shot at happiness, too😀

#5

Thanks so much for your encouragement. I deserve to be happy. But I can’t be happy no knowing if he can make it on his own or not. And my son loves his daddy so much. I don’t know if my son is better off being with both of us and realizing we dont act like parents act (love between us) OR being with just me. He would definitely be sad if we left daddy. That is why this is so hard.

#6

We all feel differently about such personal matters. For me, I would chose to place your child’s needs before his father’s.

#7

I think I’ve said this before, but I went to see a social worker/therapist when I was trying to decide what to do. It was really helpful. I’d recommend it!

#8

My husband has sz and we also have a young child together. She’s under 2. My husband is unmedicated but he’s doing pretty good. I’ve made it clear that if he ever gets to the point where he’s badly affected and uncompliant with anything, I’m leaving. Period. I know my daughter loves him very much, but her well being shouldn’t include being around his mental illness.

I’ve personally have a dad who is mentally ill and a big time drug addict, and I wish my mom would have saved me the heartache and self hatred that came from living with him. A lot of my own mental illness has come from the emotional abuse I’ve had to deal with. That being said, I want better for my daughter. She has no relationship with my dad, and possibly her own dad if he gets out of control. That’s just how it is for me. She deserves better than what I had.

I can’t say what you ~ should ~ do in your situation. I can only share my personal experience. I hope you’ll find the answers you need and do the right thing for your child when the time comes. Best of luck and much love to you. You’re never alone in this. :two_hearts: