Advice please new to this

I believe my significant other has sz but I can’t get him to go to the dr because “ he does not have any problems and does not need help” he has a family history of family hearing seeing or believing thing that are untrue. When we got together there was a lot of drug use and I attributed the problems to that . He got clean and we moved 1200 miles away.After a little while down here I start hearing things that sound paranoid he had a problem when I started a new job and had himself convinced I must be cheating on him with the chef even going so far as to text the chef and confront him at the restaurant.( the chef is an older married man ) there was no real basis to believe this. He now works with me at the restaurant and know that belief was incorrect. I should also add that he was married for 23 years before me and that ended with her cheating on him and becoming pregnant. Everything will go good for a bit then he starts saying thing about how people are doing things against him like people are giving him extra dishes at work just to make his day hard. That people are moving or taking things out of the house. While he is asleep I’m using that time to plot against him with people from his past that I don’t know but know of. If I’m upset or crying I’m putting on a show for these people . If I’m doing anything and he does not understand it’s because I’m doing what these people are telling me to do to play a game on him ( like I’m up doing the dishes instead of laying with him on the couch at a time he does not believe I usually do things) does this sound like sz I have never dealt with anything like this and the only knowledge I have is what I have read he has a doctors appt at the end of April because I have told him I’m moving on if he does not talk to someone and get some help as I said everything goes good for a while then this happens for days at a time he thinks he’s going to go in and convince the doctors to give me a lie detector test and if I pass it he will admit he has a problem and get help I know this is not how things work doctors are not going to administer me a test to let him know his beliefs are wrong I would take this test so he would get help but they are very expensive and when I agree it becomes no he doesn’t want me to do this he knows I’m a good girl or that he knows I’m in cahoots with whoever he finds to do the test so they will say I pass even when I’m doing these things to trick him he has even went as far as saying my children are involved in all the tricks I’m playing and are being instructed to play along when he is in a health state of mind he’s an amazing man and he’s a great father I do love him very much I’m just tired of waiting for the next time one of these episodes happen they are very painful and disrupting to everyone around us most of all me I have also bought new phone after new phone and he continues to believe they are hacked and he’s being monitored to catch him doing or saying something I would not like so they can inform me again I don’t know how to deal with any of this and I need advice on my situation thank you so much

Hi @Abi1983 and welcome to the forum. This is a place where people who are dealing with severe mental illness can find information and support. I am sorry that you find yourself here.

Diagnosis of schizophrenia is not simple and usually does NOT occur right away even if a doctor suspects psychosis. My daughter was diagnosed the first time with “unspecified psychosis” and only after a few more involuntary hospital stays was a doctor ready to say schizophrenia.

Actually the specific diagnosis is not as important as trying to get your loved one to accept help. If you haven’t read “I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help” by Dr. Amador, that is a place to start. The paranoia that you describe is real to your significant other, no amount of talking about it will break his delusions. However, no amount of talking may get him to admit he is ill either, as up to 70% of severely mentally ill people do NOT thing that they are ill. That is called “anosognosia” and I cried when I found out what that was. What an ill person believes is sensible to them. So your loved one’s paranoid thoughts seem sensible to him.

I suggest that you see if there is a NAMI group close to you, their support groups are generally the best help one can easily find in a local area. If there isn’t one close by then you can educate yourself by reading on here. You can find those on here who have significant others who became ill. Their shared stories might give you ideas of what to do. No one, even psychiatrists sometimes, knows exactly how to help the ill person in front of them as each person has different problems and each medicine has different effects. It is sort of a trial and error type of help. Even what you can do to help your loved one is sort of trial and error. See what helps and stop what doesn’t help, etc.

Good luck. It is sort of like a constant battle or a war made up of constant battles to try and help and live with someone who suffers from several mental illness.

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Thank you so much I have not read that book but I saw someone mention it in a post and I bought it it will be delivered tomorrow I got on this site and joined today because this is one of the bad times he left earlier to go supposedly sell my engagement ring since I told him I will not wear it unless he gets help he called me 4 hours later telling me the car broke down please help him I called him an Uber and took my kids to dinner upon returning I went to get my car from the shop and try to figure out where he left the other car so it didn’t get towed he then tells me it’s not broke down he abandoned it because he was scared when he found drugs in it that are not his and he knows he’s being set up he after driving around an hour or so clearly has no idea where he left it now he believes I gave the car he abandoned without me around to whoever I’m seeing the person I have been hiding at the neighbors that he keeps seeing he’s sure it’s his ex wife meth head brother that I have been around only a couple times in my life who I believe still lives 1200 miles away where we moved from this is getting worse and now as of now I’m out my family vehicle can anyone advise me how I go about getting him involuntary committed I have 3 children in my home ( not his) 19 10 and 6 and can childens services become involved since I have children around someone unstable he is not violent in any way and I don’t fear for myself or children but he has been in the past I am also leaning towards him being on drugs probably meth at this time and that always makes things worse thank you for listening

Hi @Abi1983 , I am so sorry about the loss of your car. I hope you can get it found. Does he live with you? If he lives in your home, and he threatens to harm himself or you or the children, you can probably call the police to have him evaluated for an inpatient involuntary hold and an order for him not to return to your home after release.

I don’t know where you live, and rules vary by location. I would start with a call to NAMI, if there is one in your area. Your closest courthouse can probably advise how to get an involuntary hold. You can even call the police non-emergency line to ask for someone to talk to. In my area, just evidence that a person is harming themselves by no or incorrect self care can get a judge to order an involuntary hold if you file the right papers.

I must caution you though that an involuntary hold may not solve the problem if he won’t agree to stay on medication after release, or if the medication is not effective for him. My daughter had to be hospitalized 5 times in 3 years before she was on the right meds and it still took 2 months to stabilize.

It sounds like you are busy enough caring for 3 children, let alone a severely mentally ill and possibly drug using adult. My opinion only, but many before you have left their partner in your situation rather than face a lifetime of having to care for them. Or just trying to care for them and no help being accepted.

You must get as much information as you can, and then decide what to do.

Thank you he remembered where he put the car after driving around for a while so I have it back luckily he parked it at a church since it was in the bad end of town I have looked into nami and there is not one in my area I live in Bradenton fl and the closest is several hours away in Orlando I did get the book I’m not sick I don’t need help I am finding it useful things have calmed down for now and he back at work as if nothing happened I don’t let him leave in the car without me now and he understands if he does not keep his drs apps then we are done