Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How to cope with guilt


#1

(sorry in advance if there is any mistake. English is not my first language, but I really need to let it out)

Hi to everyone reading this.
My mother has been suffering from a religious form paranoid schizophrenia for 12 years now. She believes to be the reincarnation of Jesus and that the Apocalypse will come soon and kill thousands of people, also in our family. She doesn’t have any friend and spends her days looking up into those earthquake’s sites and reading the Bible.
My dad divorced from her as soon as he realized she was getting sick.
She has been forced to stay into a clinic for a week, 10 years ago, but after that she didn’t take any medication, and refused to see other doctors (she thinks they will kill her).
She is verbally abusive with everyone in my family, and says the most horrible things to me and my sister (we are now 22 and 20) but we got used to it.
The thing is that we have decided to move out and go living with out grandparents (who live just a few floors behind us, in the same house).
Is it a bad idea?
Do you think that she will, I don’t know, neglect herself and get even sicker that she is now?
And how can we cope with the sense of guilt, since we blamed our dad for leaving mom and now we are doing the same exact thing?

Thank you to anyone answering


#2

If you were there, would she get better? Or would she get worse regardless? Do you wanna be the caretaker of someone losing their mind? Sorry. One of my brothers went through that. He was forced to sit in the basement and watch his older brother go insane. You have to protect yourself. You can’t help your mom if you get destroyed in the process. If you feel the situation is so bad you need to get out, then GET OUT! You can deal with the sense of guilt later. You need to create a safe and healthy environment for yourself. If you don’t have that, you can’t help anyone.


#3

It sounds like if you move out, you will be close enough to check in on your mom.
I would suggest you talk to Adult Protective Services and see what kind of in home care you can have for her. How competent is she?
I hope this does not sound too harsh, but have you thought about admitting your mom to a hospital for care?
If the State steps in as her legal guardian, they will assume responsibility for her. She would get the care and medications she needs and also the environment may do her good to be around professionals.
My son is currently a ward of the state, he is getting the care he needs. we were just not capable of helping him. we love our son very much, but sometimes we have to do what’s best for our loved ones by letting others help them.


#4

I agree. My brother is a ward of the state. It was the best (and only) thing that could have happened to him. Our family tried to take care of him. In the end, we just couldn’t. It’s not an easy step, turning over guardianship of a loved one to the state. But it was the best thing that could have happened. The state ensured that my brother got the help he needed - help we couldn’t provide.


#5

I encourage you to move out and make good lives for yourselves.

The more secure and stable your lives are, the more you will be able to respond to your mother’s needs. Living in the house and trying to get from crisis to crisis will not allow you to do what you need to do for yourselves or for her. imo