Found this forum while looking for resources, any and all help or advice would be so appreciated. Sorry this got a bit wordier than I expected!
Long story short I’m very concerned about my husband (30M). Schizophrenia runs in his family, his cousin was diagnosed in his early 20s and his uncle in late 30s I believe. Over the last two years, my husband went from occasionally smoking weed to smoking nearly if not actually every day… and over the last two years, his paranoia has become extremely worrying to me. He’s confessed to me that he doesn’t have a good grasp on reality anymore - that he feels like this is all a simulation, or like he’s not real, and wonders frequently if people are watching him or if the universe is out to get him specifically. He’s operating in a persistent state of what he refers to as “brain fog”, where he can’t remember where he is/what he’s doing sometimes. I’ve been cataloging for a while, trying to determine if this was just anxiety (which he has been diagnosed with years and years ago) or stress or something different, but this weekend he told me a tidbit from his day where he found a keychain on the sidewalk and went to pick it up and hang it off the fence for the owner to find, only to get to the fence and realize he wasn’t holding it, and couldn’t find it again no matter how hard he looked.
I’m fairly convinced from my own research that he’s likely developing some form of psychosis, but he’s always been averse to doctors - especially mental health professionals - so I’ve been spinning myself in circles trying to figure out the best way to broach this conversation with him. The last thing I’d ever want to do is make him feel like I think he’s crazy, or that I’m not safe! I just know he doesn’t have to live like this and that there has to be something we can try, but with the paranoia he’s becoming somewhat unpredictable in how he reacts to things. If anyone has had this conversation with family or spouses, anything you can share would be so helpful. So many websites I’ve gone to have been so cruel to people suffering, it’s been hard to find genuinely supportive instruction. Thanks so much in advance.
I am glad you found this forum, you should be able to get lots of insight into how others are handling their loved one’s illness. It is difficult to get anyone with a mental problem to want to seek help usually. Then IF they do see a doctor, they often don’t believe the diagnosis or want to stay on medicine. It is a battle to get them to get help. I liked the book by Dr. Amador, I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help. It gave me ideas and a method called LEAP for communication help. I’m sorry that he is going through this paranoia. Mostly, try to stay calm and not get angry. You are a step ahead in this game by understanding that it IS a mental illness and not just “acting out”. Communicating one idea at a time worked for me with my daughter, slowly but surely, over years. In the end she suffered almost 24/7 psychosis and had to be forced on medicine. It was a very long hard war to get her help, but she is doing well now. Good luck to you.
Thank you so much, both for your kind words and insight. I really appreciate the book recommendation. I saw that NAMI has a free PDF of it available, so I’ve just put it on my kindle. I’m honestly surprised I’ve never heard of it before! Not getting angry isn’t something I’m worried about, but staying calm throughout and never panicking… that I’ll definitely have to work on.
I’m also so glad to hear your daughter is doing well now. It’s really nice to hear success stories right now. Thank you again.
Self medicating (smoking nearly daily) is not unusual for our family members. Since he is disclosing some of his concerns to you, would he agree to an appointment with his doctor where both of you are present? Step one is to eliminate brain tumors and other physical issues.
With how distrustful he’s always been of doctors he may feel it’ll be easier to advocate/be taken seriously if he has some backup. I’ll ask this weekend if he’ll be up for that, thank you so much. Usually in the past we’ve gone to our appointments solo, so it didn’t really even cross my mind that I could just… go with him, haha.
I realize that with a family history of scz a brain tumor might be less likely. Maybe the doctor will be able to think of a way to present a med that could be helpful. Many of the meds are used for varying purposes these days.
They encouraged us at NAMI’s Family to Family to use “back” doors. By this they mean speaking with the doctor before the appointment or faxing your concerns before the appointment, Can be tricky, I had some success with it, but there were occasions that my input was obvious to my son.
I have gone to every appointment with my daughter that I could be present at. Sometimes I only sat there, but it was good for both of us. She got sz when she was 32 so it was a bit unusual to be present at her appointments, but it became usual. I still go with her. Recently I orchestrated start to finish her hysterectomy as the fibroid we were watching was getting so large as to cause her much pain. She would never have even made a gynecology appointment without my help, and the first one was 5 years ago.
I’ll be honest that in my experience it is unlikely that a doctor would jump into prescribing anti-psychotic medications straight off the bat. My husband (we’re separated) has at times had vivid hallucinations and fixed delusions for months at a time and I’m still hitting a brick wall where they will not prescribe him any medications until he stops using cannabis. That hasn’t happened because he still thinks it is helping him and it reduces the anxiety he feels around the hallucinations and delusions.
I’ve found participation in Mar-Anon meetings very useful for me as many participants have had spouses with cannabis use disorder leading to psychosis and schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. There is a Thursday afternoon meeting you can find on the website that is explicitly aimed at partners and spouses. DM me if you have any questions. NAMI is also an invaluable resource.
If he has a first cousin and an uncle diagnosed, and he smoked pot, this is a recipe you don’t want to ignore. Explain to him how genetics is real, it does run in families. It’s often triggered by pot, if you have that gene susceptibility.
Early intervention is so important, too. If you suspect he could be developing a psychotic illness, they say the earlier the intervention the better the prognosis. Look into the link between smoking marijuana and developing psychosis (or full blown schizophrenia).
I second this. A family history of schizophrenia and using cannabis is not good idea. If he will not see a doctor I would start talking to your local NAMI branch (if you are in the US) and see what recommendations they make for your state.
I’ll third the recommendations against cannabis use. Cannabis likely had some impact in the beginnings of my illness and what’s available nowadays is far more potent.
I would advise a better organized and concise description of his symptoms than the keychain story, however. As someone who’s experienced psychosis, this sounds more to me like general confusion than psychosis. Paranoia, feeling he’s being watched or living in a simulation, yes. Confusion about keys or losing track of them, probably not.
