I am new here and trying to see if anyone has suggestions.
I separated from my husband in September. It had been a long time coming and instead of trying to work on the relationship this summer he turned to THC. By mid-September he was having overdoses on weekdays and I left after a particularly horrendous night. I took my two small children to my parents and he called the police on me. They determined he was high as a kite and entered me into a domestic violence program and CAS limited his access to them during a cooling off period.
Initially he seemed ok and we started divorce proceedings because I couldn’t see us getting back together. When I moved into my own place (he was going to buy me out of the hiuse
Oh my goodness I didn’t realize that I posted the draft.
Oops.
Ok, here’s the deal, I think he’s going through period of drug induced psychosis or more likely SZA, as there is definite manic periods as well. He also now seems to have fixed delusions. He’s isolating in our house and has cut off me and the kids. He has also cut out all his friends and family. He’s not replying to his attorney anymore.
Due to a series of events associated with a manic episode in December, I pulled a protective order against him. As a result, my lawyer does not recommend that I go knocking on his door.
I’m trying to convince his family that him being holed up in the house alone is very detrimental for his long term well being. Some of them are scared of him, others don’t want him to hate them. It doesn’t help that he’s generally a jerk so he doesn’t have a lot of close friends.
I’m stuck in this limbo where I’m constantly trying to coordinate getting him help and doing research and trying to find solutions but know that I can’t actually make any of it happen. I’m also swamped with work and the kids and the massive financial burden that I am under (he stopped paying the mortgage). Initially I felt all of this would be temporary and each time he was brought into the hospital I thought this is it, we’re going to get him help. Each time he was released in less than 24 hours and told to stop taking drugs.
I don’t know that anyone here can relate or help in any way. This is frustrating.
You are doing the right thing for yourself and your kids !
I hope you have some support network for yourself as you try to navigate getting support for your partner .
I’m sure many here can relate as sz seems to cause so much chaos and turn people’s lives upside down!
I have seen my sibling seem to go into psychosis from substance abuse in the past just seems to trigger episodes and those have been some of the worst and longest! Many have co occurring substance use disorder!
I can relate to the feeling of being stuck in a cycle of trying to find solutions for our loved ones who are sick.
But remember that self care for you is vitally important as well .
If you have never attended a nami.org family support group this may help you the meetings are usually virtual now you can find your state specific group on their website.
I wish you so much strength during this time!
Thank you for sharing here
The most frustrating thing has been each time he goes into the hospital it always happens late at night after a manic day with all of his friends and family and the police scrambling to track him down. Each time he gets admitted at midnight. We are told this is very serious and he will qualify for a 72 hour hold. We are told that the attending will evaluate him in the morning and that they will follow up with phone calls to his support network to verify details.
And then we hear nothing. And then the neighbours call me to say he’s home before noon. He has a canned statement which he pulls out and says that he accidentally took double his antidepressant medication and it makes him a bit crazy. He doesn’t even have access to that medication anymore. That’s not what is happening! His friends that help get him admitted ask multiple times to be contacted, and at night while going in he will say that he gives his permission for the attending psychiatrist to call me. But they never do. I’m assuming in the morning he rescinds his permission.
If you know where he gets admitted you can call them ,
Even if they say they can’t say he is there because of hippa
But you know he is there you can call and give his back history you have the right to ask how discharge works at that particular hospital.
I agree it’s incredibly frustrating my sibling is still misdiagnosed continuously after 20 years having sz
And if they don’t participate or want to volunterly be at the hospital they are quickly released in my experience.
I am new here and so pleased Ive found this forum after months of struggling alone. I live in the Uk and have been with my husband for 14 years, we got married in Oct 2022 and have 2 boys age 12 and 7. Since June 2024 ive been separated from my husband after he made our family holiday to Turkey absolutely hell.
It has been building up for awhile I believe since Covid, hes always been quiet and paranoid at times and said odd things but nothing like last year. In April 24 he became convinced I was raped and abused by my boss, that now Ive had multiple men, Im a bad mother the boys deserve better than me and i need counselling to get help for my addiction, which of course none of this is true.
He started shouting at me saying awful sexual things in front of the boys, i begged him not too but he carried on everyday. The boys witnessed things they shouldn’t have and I became very frightened of him. Once on holiday I locked myself in a toilet to get away from him.
When we got home he stole all my underwear and other things from the bedroom and threw them away.
I got him to the doctor and the crisis team came out but each time he presented well and said theres nothing wrong with him, I need the help. I got him arrested for the theft hoping that hed get sectioned but police said they cant do anything as he has capacity. He was home one night then rearrested for common assault, that got him out of the house and he hasnt been home since. I had the locks changed as he started stalking me.
We are currently going through the courts for child contact hes refusing supervised access, the boys haven’t seen him in 8mths and I worry about the impact on them. We are all supported by next chapter.
Hes not diagnosed and not medicated but im sure this is what it is. His family who I hoped would help have cut us off and his mum believes his delusions. She didnt even send my eldest a birthday card or present.
Sorry for the long rant, theres so much more I could say.
I am grieving the loss of my marriage and kind husband, I dont recognise this man, but i have to protect the boys.
Thanks for listening. Any advice welcome!
It’s terrible to say but it helps a bit to know I’m not alone. I hope your kids are ok and that your ex receives help. I’m glad you’re in the house. That has been a major stress point for me.
Thank you @SailingSun it does help to know youre not alone doesn’t it. Boys are ok (I think) they must miss their Dad though as one minute he was here next gone. Especially my youngest as he was asleep when his Dad left no chance to say bye. I really hope he gets help but i cant see he will while he believes hes not ill, and so does his family.
Yes im lucky in a way that Im in the house, I can imagine its very stressful not being in it and I think if he hadn’t been arrested he would never have left. It was my house before then he moved in, I only recently put him on mortgage few years ago, now wish i hadnt
Hi Emerald. I am guessing that you are in the UK. One of the biggest mistakes I made was bringing my wife to the UK. They do not seem to take any action until something completely unacceptable happens. I am trying to work on a podcast project for us schizophrenia widows/widowers called “Fog of Care”. One of the problems I think so many of us have is that we keep these things to ourselves out of respect for the ill person’s privacy, but we suffer so much as a result. I have been on the end of bananas allegations, and unfortunately a lot of people believed them. You have to think of your children first. It really is outrageous that we do not get more support. Going through a separation with someone who is being propelled by mania and psychosis is a terrible grief.
One thing I found very helpful during hospitalizations was sending written information to the doctor by fax. I often got no response at all because of privacy laws, but I knew the staff had my reports as I could call in to verify the fax was received. This helped the doctor/nurses to get the caregiver side of the story and not just the patient’s side.
Also, once out of the hospital and in community care, I could send written reports to let the psychiatrist know how I thought the meds were working/not working.
Often, that was the only thing I could do to help manage the psychosis.
I sent the psych hospital a fax of his illness, diagnosis, hospitalization, behaviors, arrest, jail, meds, refusal of meds, drug use, etc. I got a call from the psychiatrist and he said it was helpful and they would put it in his file.
Im so sorry you have to endure this pain. You are doing the best thing you can to protect your children from the chaos. Question: did you out him on the mortgage or the deed? Im not on our mortgage, but i am on the deed.
Thank you, i hope i am protecting them, everyone says I am. Hes on the mortgage, thats a good question re deeds, I think he went on those too i need to check this. Does it make it worse as such if hes on rhe deeds? My solicitor said i need when Im ready to revisit my will.
Yes I am in the UK. Youre so right, it is absolutely awful they have to do something terrible before any help comes.
The system is all wrong. I begged the doctor, the crisis team, his family, the police more than once, but nothing. I even phoned the local psychiatric hospital and begged them but of course they couldn’t help while he has 'capacity ’ which is the ironic thing; he doesn’t in my opinion.
Your podcast sounds really interesting and this is true we do suffer as a result of trying to protect them. I dont understand why people believe these crazy allegations? Why is this?
Absolutely the children have to come first and it reallly is a terrible grief, not many people understand that. It is so sad, so unnecessary, at times so overwhelming.
As I understand it, if he’s on the deed he’s co-owner of the house. The mortgage names those responsible to pay the debt. I’m in the US. I could be wrong about this and I don’t know the laws where you are. You said solicitor, so I’m thinking Canada?
Yes I think you are right, I am in the UK.
We have a court hearing next Tuesday via video link re child contact, itll be interesting if he turns up if he presents well or not, hes representing himself.