Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Husband still says for me to leave sometimes--and he has some behavior that he thinks is not rude at all..it is


#1

I created an acct in Oct 2015 and had a topic relating to my husband saying for me to leave; us divorce. Well I of course stayed because I know he is sick. But he has said it 2 or 3 more times since then. He says this is his house, not mine. (both names on deed). He says I can leave and says it like its nothing. No hurt, like he never had feelings for me and said we just grew apart. Well I still stay. I have told him it hurts my feelings but he said he was not being mean when he says it. Well mean or not when saying it, it hurts. He also says rude things. We was laying in bed one morning, I put my arm around his waist. He says please remove your arm. I said “why, I can’t touch you”. He said “no”. I said “well i thought thats what couples do”. He said “we are not a couple”.

Basically I have had months and months that if I even touch him he jumps and moves. Tells me don’t touch him. But yet all day long he is so nice. I just can’t touch or have any personal contact, cant say I love you, cant kiss, cant do anything.

Other rude behavior is his mom was going to come in to town, he calls and tells her he don’t want company to not come. I tell him thats mean and hurtful. He said only in my view. He was not mean at all.

So I have started saying I love you to him even though I will never get a response. I try to listen to him or spend time watching tv where used to i would b in my room all night after work. So with this I have had no good come from it.

What should I do. Leave, Stay, what? I can’t keep being hurt. I can’t be upset 4 out of 7 days. And the days I am not upset is because I have not attempted to touch him and just leave the situation be. I don’t think about it at all. Other days I want to cry.


#2

He has paranoid schizophernia and says there is nothing wrong with him, im trying to make him look crazy btw. I havent mentioned sz in 6 months or so. If he has no problems, then fine. why is he treating me this way. (Dr. says its sz). I spoke with dr alone by letter. Never with my husband.


#3

Dealing with an unmedicated schizophrenic is nearly always exhausting and frustrating. You should try to get your husband stable on med’s. Maybe you could go on a trial separation. That might straighten him out. It’s all a matter of how much you can endure. If it’s too much for you then maybe you should leave, after trying to set up your husband’s care with relatives or friends.


#4

Moved to Family.

Pixel.
(Wearing moderator hat)


#5

Well a trail sepetation would b fine except i dont want to put my 5 yr old thru this. If i have to leave ill make it permanant so my son at least Will have stable environment. Second problem is husband dont have a job if i leave im not paying his utilities…but all are in my name. So im stuck with paying reconnection fee or paying his bills.


#6

He needs to be on medication. It would be best for you to take him to the hospital. People with Sz can live full lives once they find the right medication. Risperdal works for me. I am going back to school in the fall and I am not burdened with all the pressures of this disease. I hope you find the right medication for him.


#7

You might have to move him to a permanent residence for the mentally ill until he gets better. Those places are for severe cases like his. If I remember correctly you have kids together?


#8

Yes, a 5 yr old.


#9

I think I’ve seen your posts before here. I understand not wanting to separate, I don’t see any good coming out of it either. It will all depend on whether you want your kid to see his father in his psychotic condition and if you think a stay at a mental health residence is a good fit. Which I think it is if you want to keep the family together. If you leave, it could be the last you ever see of him. He could become homeless, drug addicted, and end up dead or in jail. In psychotic states, people don’t subscribe to reason, so that is why I suggest a residency. Also, he could be taking his medication and have everything else he needs plus visitation for you and the child you have together.


#10

He is showing anhedonia and flat affect, both negative symptoms of schizophrenia. Since he has a diagnosis and is untreated, I guess that sooner or later he will go into psychosis. At that point, he may be spurred into getting treatment. At the moment, according to what you say, he is not in crisis, though, so there isn’t much you can do.

If you want to get through this together, rather than just running away, maybe take a look at the threads on sarcosine. It has very good effects on motivation and affect for some people. Maybe you can persuade him to try it on the grounds of it building motivation and intelligence. It’s just an amino acid, not a drug.

You have a child too. Does he show the same flat affect towards his son? Maybe you can make him see that it isn’t normal. That might be a good way in.


#11

Yes Apathy. You helped me a lot in Oct/Nov. I wish he would just realize something can be done. He says I have no clue what he is going through. But he won’t even admit he has SZ. He gets mad if I even mention it. He has no paperwork showing diagnosis. Only me asking the dr and telling dr what he is doing and dr saying this is what he believes it is. No tests showing anything. So how do I get him in a resident if he himself wont go, no papers to prove he has problem?

I really believe if I send him to an institution it will end our marriage. But according to him its already ended. I guess I live there just to support him. He is not thinking realistically when he tells me to leave. CAuse if I leave he has no food, utilities, nothing but a house which is in both our names but I am not going to fight over it. So he would live in a house but live like he is camping. I can’t let him do that. And I do leave though, I can’t let my son go over to see that either. I don’t know what to do. We are always going through something I tell yah.


#12

Hatty, I wrote his doctor a note of all he was doing and saying. The doctor told me it looked liked paranoid SZ. My husband; however, has no papers saying he has SZ and he says there is nothing wrong with him. I am just trying to make him look crazy. So he will not go get help.

He only acts like this towards me now. I can’t touch him, say anything without aggravating him. etc. He aggravates/plays with my son age 5 and sometimes i can’t which is the biggest kid. He used to not though. He used to even have the flat affect no matter who is around. But he does get agitated really easily at both of us. He runs and hides in the room if anyone comes over. He just paranoid and hates me. Im his enemy apparently. Says we are not a couple etc. I said your right…we are not a couple. We are married.


#13

Sounds hard to go through life with your sick husband. It always is in these things. So getting him treatment can drastically improve the situation. There involuntary treatment centers where he can be committed but the rules for involuntary commitment varys on which state and which hospital you choose, so Google search “how to get involuntary commitment in ________” for your state and then go from there. It’s not nice but schizophrenia is one of those things that get worse and harder to treat with time not spent in treatment.


#14

Thanks Apathy. I guess i was wishing things would just go back to normal all by itself lol. Not happening and our relationship keeps getting worse. Some of the symptoms are from Traumatic Brian Injury, some from SZ. He basically just wish I would move out and leave him alone. I cant do it though. Im basically a caretaker…he can function at the house. cooks, cleans, watches son. But i provide. And I can’t leave him alone like that with no money, food, power, water. :frowning: I will do a google search.

Thanks

kes


#15

Good luck to you.