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Do spouses usually stay or leave if they have trouble coping?


#1

I am leaning towards leaving my husband as I feel he is most antagonized just by my mere presence.

This is incredibly hurtful bc I have been so supportive and tried so hard to do everything I could in this world to make him happy.

Will he be properly cared for? Omg. This is too much.

I see on this amazing forum so far it’s a lot of parents with sick children, but it seems like a lot less spouses with sick partners. Do the sick spouses get left?

Also can people share if possible their experiences with getting someone to accept their diagnosis or maybe hopeful stories of epiphany happening and dx accepted?

Thank you in advance for your help


#2

It’s not the illness spouses are leaving, if they leave, it’s untreated illness.

I just now read that in a blog (trying to look up statistics for you; many stressful situations increase divorce rates) and it makes total sense: http://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/otherviews/leave-mental-illness/

No one expects anyone to stay with an abusive person, regardless of the cause of the abuse. Since he has been hurting you, you cannot take care of him. You are not required to help any adult who is hitting you.

Legal separation would give you some space and rights, a way to step back, and also to let your husband understand the results of his decision not to accept treatment. He said he wants to go to a group home. Trust him.

I know two couples in decades-long marriages where one spouse has serious mental illness and the other does not. The spouses with illness take medication, go to counseling, and understand that their illnesses require lifelong coping and treatment. That shows huge commitment and contribution to their respective marriages.

“Also can people share if possible their experiences with getting someone to accept their diagnosis or maybe hopeful stories of epiphany happening and dx accepted?” I would also like to hear these stories!


#3

I don’t have any information for you but I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope someone can post who can be of help. If you do leave, coming back could be on conditions of: Taking medication, seeing counselor, etc., or whatever you need from him. I have conditions like that for my son to stay here at home, and it works. But he does now have insight into his illness so I’m sure that’s a big reason it works. Take care.


#4

I hold out hope that he loves me enough to agree to conditions of a return home but I fear it’s a waste of hope bc he can’t even stomach the idea of an Advil let alone his meds but I also see that it’s the illness being contrary as per usual.

Predictable unpredictability

Has anyone ever shown their loved one video recordings of how they were behaving? If so how did that go over? He is completely in denial of things he said or did or truly does not remember and I’m wondering if I showed him some videos would he freak out?


#5

I know someone who faced the same challenges of what you are going through.

I do remember the terrible time this spouse went through in caring for the other spouse. They stayed together only because the sz spouse finally agreed to take medication and it took over a year for the medication to properly work.

Have you thought of a separation? Perhaps an extended separation will jolt your husband into seeing that he has a problem and needs to address it and because he loves you and doesn’t want to lose you forever.


#6

I shudder to think how he will care for himself if we split. His dad is toxic and his mom is an addict.

He called me from inpatient today to end the marriage but he literally had just taken his first dose so he’s still psychotic but I am still freaking out I love him so much but i can’t stop him from leaving me and going homeless if he’s not s danger so idk what to think right now the confusion is dttong for me sooo much going on in every direction I’m just trying to plan for every possibility and get creative before he suffers too much brain damage from months of psychosis


#7

I did, but it was with my son. He didn’t like (read: HATED) the play back, and would watch for the camera afterwards. I had to be very discreet, and gentle with his reactions.
BUT, it did help.
Also, with husband (who has his own dx). That was by accident. I was filming him remodeling the house, he had an episode. He saw it later, long story short (and a seperation of 2 years) he went on meds, sought counseling, and “walks the line” now. (He used to refer quite often to Johnny Cash and himself, calling me his “June Carter”.) I’m not June…I just happen to catch it on tape.
It does help…I just wanted to warn you about their reactions. Be very, very gentle.
It’s frightening for them to watch, and they will need to know your love is still there…immediately for both my guys.