So here goes, I’m going on ten years with my husband, the love of my life. Some days are fantastic. Others make me borderline suicidal. Today was a bad day. I screwed up, handed him some tin foil that had grease on it to clean the grill, he called me a stupid bitch as I was repeatedly apologizing for grabbing what I thought was new foil. This escalated from there and he laid down to sleep, I rubbed his back, thought everything was good, but I didn’t get the dishes clean because I was trying to let him sleep and I kept dropping silverware which I felt was being rude, so I stopped downing the dishes and sat down to watch the kids and keep them quiet. This caused another argument on top of my inability to prepare foods properly, which I’m still learning. I’ve been called stupid and a child repeatedly and now I want to break down and cry, but I know that will look like a guilt trip. I’m lost.
Your husband should not use mental illness as an excuse to be verbally abusive. None of this sounds related to psychosis; it sounds mean and abusive.
No one should tolerate verbal abuse from anyone - illness should not be an excuse. Stay safe
Oh boy, I can relate. My loved one has been verbally abusive also, when in the midst of psychosis. Ordinarily they don’t treat me or my sister like that but when we don’t react to their delusions as if we’re just as afraid as they are they don’t take it well. They interpret it like we don’t believe them, we’re not listening or taking them seriously, and we get called names and treated very disrespectfully to put it mildly.
I am still trying to figure out how to navigate this illness but I have a zero tolerance policy for abuse. Every time it happens I tell E it’s not ok to speak to me that way. Calling me names is unacceptable and I won’t continue the conversation. I hang up the phone or leave the room.
It remains to be seen whether my insistence on respect has a long term positive effect in terms of whether they stop behaving this way but their psychotic episode started relatively recently so everything is still up in the air.
I hope things get better for you somehow. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. And you do deserve to be able to cry if you need to.
I’m going through the cycle again. Now he’s accusing me of setting him up with everyone online on Facebook. I got frustrated and snapped at him because I am trying to learn how to cook, but I’m not very good. No one ever taught me. And I take a lot of antidepressants and have memory issues. I screwed up a meatloaf, it had raw spots, and he went on and on about not being able to eat it then walked out. Then our kids started telling me to let dad cook from now on but the reason I am cooking is because he takes a nap before dinner due to his insomnia and also I am trying to be a good wife and be useful. I’m trying. But I got pissy about it and frustrated which started an arguement. He said he would have let that go, but I felt bad because he pointed out all these things I do wrong with the kids, and I got into an arguement with one of my friends the next morning So I posted about being a failure as a mom and a friend on Facebook and saying that I felt I was as bad as my own mother. This resulted in him storming in in the morning and saying I am attacking him online in front of everyone, making him out to be abusive. I said NOTHING about him , I was literally ragging on myself, but this resulted in a huge arguement. I spent all day crying. He screamed in my face about not caring if I have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and I got hurt and angry because that is calling me a lesbian and a cheater. I am not either, there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian but I’m not one and I’ve been labeled as one over and over because I don’t trust most men because I was raped at a young age. So because of the way I dress, and the way I act like I’m not interested in sex, my family , my brothers, always called me a lesbian. That’s why it bothers me. I snapped back at him not to call me that because I’m not either, I have never looked at anyone else in the almost ten years we’ve been together.
This morning he attacks me on Facebook messenger by calling me a liar and saying I’m playing games like his ex’s, setting him up to look like an abusive husband and father. That my behavior (crying all day yesterday and my post online) are signs of me being manipulative. I started crying at one point because my depression is so bad that I was helping him put a stake into the ground to hold up a plant and I had a split send where I wished he would slip and hit me in the head with the sledge hammer and then it would just…all be over. Because I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to break up, but I just feel so miserable and helpless and stupid. So I started crying because that feeling overwhelmed me. I’ve never said I don’t have issues.
But this morning he goes on and on about what a liar I am, how I don’t give him what he needs, how he doesn’t want to hear one word out of me, and every time I try to defend myself I’m “talking over him” and telling lies and being disrespectful when all I’m doing is saying “no, I’m not trying to fight with you, I’m not manipulating you, I love you, I’m sorry.”
Listen, your husband is sick. Do not over analyze all he says. maybe when his rants start you can go out for a walk telling him that you are hurt and not willing to listen to his abusive words. And leave it there. I am worried about your children having to listen to all this. You may have to talk to them. The only solution I see is for him to get into medication. Also do not apologize for not knowing to cook. I sure you know enough to feed yourself and your children. Do not try to do too much. Keep it simple.