Try Valerian Root tea, it helps a little to relax the nerves and for sleeping.
Truthfully in the beginning he didnāt agree to treatmentā¦I told the story before how initially he agreed to being hospitalized for a cheeseburger and once I had his guardianship I just didnāt leave him any choice. We battled for a good while but I had his money and he needed everything so I used that to my advantage and often he would argue it was his right to be homeless and I should give him his money for cigarettes so he could pursue that right. The doctor that prescribed the clozapine said to me that when a person is unable to think rationally someone needs to do it for them and I took that seriously. I would say that after the clozapine was introduced about 5 years in and his millions of voices subsided he was on board with the medicine and was compliant from then on for fear of the voices returning- to this day that is his reason for being compliant, as for insight into his illness I am doubtful he has any real insight other than the firm knowledge that these pills stop the voicesā¦ otherwise he will argue about being schizophrenic or needing any kind of assistanceā¦itās like he thinks voices are symptom unto itselfā¦like a headache. The fact is even his trust and belief that these meds kill the voices has worked for the past 6 yearsā¦Iām aware it could change on a dimeā¦ without warning or reason. I know my sonās compliance without full insight is quite rare and unusualā¦and for now I am grateful.
@Mom2 and thanks for the kind words
One thing Iāve learned in my experience is that as a parent, my advice and suggestions really have little bearing, if any at all, on my son. The internet wins as far as a correct information source and I might as well save my breath. I think itās hard for us to remember that we are dealing with very intelligent individuals and the delusions/paranoia can get in the way of how we perceive them at times. By taking control of their diet and other similar functions, it allows them some control. This is my opinion, of course, but as the mother of a 21 year old man (itās hard to call him that) with extreme paranoia of water and chemicals, I have learned that my son wonāt starve, but that eating GMO free foods and basically anything chemical free makes him feel better about himself, then Iām all for it. We are at Whole Foods a couple of times a week, but heās happy buying his own healthy food and that makes me happy too.
Hang in thereā¦hugs
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Same! I donāt get the fear of water and all the chemicals though, itās really saddening to see someone you love feel so horrible and frightened of something thatās harmless and normal for the rest of us.
I know, itās hard to wrap my head around sometimes - just part of the new normal, I guess. One article about the toxic effects of fluoride and suddenly fluoridated water is the enemy, and then just water. So, the water to brush teeth and take showers is bad too because it can seep through the pores and get into the mouth. I think that paranoia is a huge contributor to some of the negative symptoms for many with the illness.
Same, especially the fluoride. He thinks certain things increase his schizophrenia and heāll start panic and obsess over them. Fluoride in the water actually has decreased the crime rates in Texas though. Mine refused to shower, wash his clothes, brush his teeth, and wash his hands for years and then suddenly he no longer would drink water. When I found out about it (ours was initially an LDR), I told him he had to change his habits and he finally did, but heās still got that aversion to water where heāll only drink it if I give it to him in his hand. In the hospital they found high potassium levels in his blood, which signifies acute kidney failure, so now heās drinking more liquid in there and theyāre monitoring him. I have to buy fluoride-free toothpastes for him and organic everything. Heās allergic to detergents, so I use products that say āFree and Clearā or have natural ingredients and get them while theyāre on sale because theyāre quite expensive compared to the regular products like Tide, Clorox, or Downy.
Every personās case and diagnosis is so different in spite of the overlap in symptoms and similar stories.
I believe my son started out at birth on the autism spectrum, at a time when autism was not really as prevalent an issue as it is today, I didnāt understand why he didnāt speak or walk until after the age of 3 and only after I got him in speech therapy with Easter Seals. His doctor said that everyone develops at their own pace and I trusted her in the absence of other options or opinions. It was 1984. I knew nothing of autism at that time.
He did not like being hugged and he hated most of his clothes but he always wanted to have a shirt on even on the hottest summer day. As a toddler he would often scream out of the blue until he was blue in the face and seemed unable to be consoled and even bit me a few times when I tried to hold him, He was not in anyway typical, and school was impossible for him and I tried getting him tested and getting him in special classes but as he approached adolescence he became more uncontrollable and he began to run away, hang with the wrong kids, smoked pot and drank and cut school. Long story shorter, I was on a first name basis with the local police and truant officer. He basically had no successful education beyond 6th grade, 7th and 8th grade were very sketchy and he was expelled from 3 different high schools for possession of marijuana or for getting into fights where he always got the worst end of the deal as he was not a fighter at all and did not know how to defend himself and still doesnāt. He maybe went to a month of 9th grade total before an interfering half sister of mine convinced him that he shouldnāt have to go to school if it was too hard to go and brought a children service person to my house and together they decided against my wishes that my son could drop out of high school and live with her even though she did drugs and was an alcoholic herself, it didnāt seem to matterā¦I was always a single mom holding down 2 jobs and raising another son with none of these issues.
Anyway a month later my son called me to pick him up after his aunt left him and his belongings on the curb and told him never to come back againā¦ I had him in at least 3 rehab facilities and at no time did anyone diagnose him with sz although in retrospect I believe the voices had already started by then because he would get angry at me for constantly talking to him when I said nothing. While in rehab (I found out later) he was able to huff aerosols and take prescription drugs not meant for him, and this was determined to have caused some residual brain injury as well as the grand mal seizures he suffered in 2013 and 2014 which left him in a coma each time for at least a day. Fortunately the depakote has prevented any further seizures to date.
My reason for telling this story which is really meant to be shared with everyone is to say that in all of our cases there are so many many factors at play, it is never just a simple diagnosis, nothing about mental illness is simple or straight forward. I try to be consistently aware of that. I think in my sonās case there are so many issues that lead me to today, genetically he has severe mental illness and addiction issues on both sides of his family for many generations back. I had no support from his father and was always struggling to make ends meet and figure out what to do next for all of us.
We usually lived in poverty stricken neighborhoods with few resources because where else can you live with 2 kids and working 2 minimum wage jobs? (I went to college but never graduated because I ran out of money and had kids that needed things now) The doctors then were not aware of all that they are aware of today, dual diagnosis was a new concept at that time. I never heard of it until he was officially diagnosed in 2005. Truthfully in many ways my son fell through the cracks of society. I was told so many times in the beginning of his diagnosis that I should institutionalize him when he couldnāt speak coherent sentences and did nothing but seek to get high or unconscious. I chose to believe in my son in a way no one else could. True I have many regrets that I didnāt know more-earlier but both of my sons have told me at different times and in different ways that I did the best I could with what I had at the time and they both have told me they love me so I view that as a victory. If my son shows improvements that last then I am ecstatic to turn the reins of his care over to him but the times I have done that have ended in misery for both of us so I approach changes cautiously.
I still canāt rid myself of the memory of trying to allow him to live in a group home where he had his own room and regular support and he was found in his room with his wrists slashed and fortunately found in time-but it just shouldnāt have happened and yet it didā¦so it was then I decided we would likely remain roommates indefinitely. I could not live with myself if I tried to get him to āconformā to societies expectations of him or me, and it ended in his death. I take joy in very simple things he does well and I try to minimize my disappointment for the many things he does poorly or refuses to try to do at all. Life is what it is. This is my story, If it helps someone then it was worth the time it took to type. I appreciate t his forum and all of the individuals contributing here more than words can say. Be well friends.
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Both my fiancĆ© and I are on the spectrum, diagnosed with Aspergerās Syndrome as kids. ASD is actually genetically linked to Schizophrenia, Iāve had 3 family members with it on my momās side that Iām aware. FiancĆ© has Schizoaffective Disorder, but itās not uncommon for someone on the spectrum to have Schizophrenia and vice versa. Have you noticed how for some reason itās mostly males who have the disorders compared to the female population?
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@Doctor -yes I have noticed that, it would be interesting to know why that is
Same. Iām going to my geneticist on Monday, Iāll try to ask her if she knows as to why that is.
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@Doctor also I may have failed to mention that my oldest son who is a brilliant multi lingual teacher in California currently pursuing his Masterās Degree in education is most definitely high functioning Aspergerās and he and I have discussed it and he chooses to suffer with all of the issues it presents to him rather than to seek some kind of help because he feels he has no time for that with all he is doing now, For him it is a catch-22 situation. He is often extremely stressed, aggravated and unhappy with his self imposed pressures, his attention deficits, his short temper, desires for everything to be a ācertain wayā and tendency to be not so empathetic and his clumsiness in daily life. My argument to him was that he is utterly AMAZING to have accomplished what he has thus far and that I believe he could do all of what he does currentlyājust a little bit later in life once he masters a few key coping skillsā¦and a bit more self awareness. He disagrees and his words āJust wants to get this sh^t finished to he can get started on his damned stupid career before he is 40ā (he is soon to be 35.) And donāt get me wrong he loves teaching but he so oppressed and depressed by what he sees in the āsystemā the failures and the poor kids that he wants to help but because of restrictions schools have and lack of finances and the sheer numbers of kids in need he feels helpless to make a positive mark, hence his despair. He insists regularly that he just wants to vent and that I should not worry about him, and I tell him it is in my DNA to worry and that will not change. I want him and his wife to move back to Ohio from California if for no other reason than to have less stress and a slower pace. I think he considering it down the road. I do worry that if he lost his wife for whatever reason (and in fact she deals with Lupus and RA) that he is very prone to a psychotic break (although to my knowledge he has not had one), I pray that never happens-EVER-but its still a worry for me.
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I get that. My fiancĆ© has the same situation with being disappointed in the symptom and heās constantly obsessed and angry about it wanting for things to change and trying to come up with solutions to restructure it. I personally am not capable of experiencing anger and I have a kind of āsocial apathyā as my fiancĆ© named it. I have empathy, but Iām very neutral about everything and itās my main state of emotion, so a lot of things donāt affect as much as they do for other people even though I have awareness. As a child, did he ever do CBT therapy or any other kind? My mom never told me I had Aspergerās until I was 17, I remember seeing the psychologist and then going to speech therapy, but every time I asked my mom about it she just said it had been due a mandatory school evaluation (which was a lie since I asked several psychologists and my aunt about it). She never could accept me having any kind of mental illness, but sheās a psychopath, so she has no conscious of her own either. However, I did do CBT when I was 10 for insomnia after my mom decided to take me because I was terrified of the dark and had nightmares every day and couldnāt sleep without the light off and would go days without sleeping. If he saw a psychologist as a kid and had a positive experience, then you could suggest that and he may be willing to see one again. Moving back to Ohio or a place where thereās less stress would be a good option for him. My great-aunt had Lupus and JRA as well, she died at age 68, so they have longer lifespans now than before due to all the treatments. Itās a difficult condition, but you can have a decent lifespan with it.
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@Doctor My oldest has never been formally diagnosed with Aspergerās but we both came to the same conclusion that he has it because after researching it he has each and every single symptom listed. He has never had any treatment at all. I have told him about my experiences with DBT which I find very helpful and he just says there is no time to do that. I think he came to the conclusion he has Aspergerās just recently as did I. Before that he had only been diagnosed with ADHD only and does nothing for that either. I hope his wife does well and lives a long happy life with my son, she is a sweet gal but she has high expectations and I doubt my son would have pursued his Masters if she had not urged him to. She is native Chinese and she has 2 degrees and a very good job and in China there is a very high value placed on degrees and higher education. As a couple they speak mainly Chinese at home and often Chris will call me and forget and speak to me in Chinese and I am like ālook kid I speak Englishā¦lolā (although I did pick up a copy of Rosetta Stone for Mandarin and am finding it impossible to grasp) I think her cultural influences play a part in my sonās educational and employment decisions. I often think if left alone he would find a way to get paid to play video games and drink beer. Not the case at all as a married man though. You are an interesting person to converse with I am glad to have your insights here.
Thank you! Lol, funny thing, Iām actually part Chinese, but I only know some Hangul (Korean), which is pretty ironic. I get the cultural thing though, my half-Chinese grandmother was always very strict with my mom and my uncle and on me too to always do well in school and all of that. For me itās the opposite, I once started to speak to my mom in French and she looked at me like, āWtf, speak Spanish, are you speaking Chinese or something?ā When you know so many languages you often confuse phrases, forget words, and to switch the language according to the person because you sometimes think in more than one and it just comes out without you noticing it. If he likes browsing the Internet he should checkout the Reddit for Aspergerās. There are a lot of helpful tips and discussions there for people like him and I and you can always ask questions if you need help with something and the people there are always open to sharing their experiences and helping out one another.
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Thank you for venting. I really donāt call it venting. You were expressing how you feel in that moment. It was obvious to me that you love your son and have been working hard to provide the best life you can for him. The fact that you had a tough beginning to start with and need counseling, shows me what a great mom you are to your son. Iāve also appreciated your advice to me and others since I have been on this forum. You give great advice and donāt apologize for showing how you feel about your own difficulties. That is what this forum is about! You are farther along in this process that many of us so please keep it up! We need you being honest. Many of the things you talked about, I am struggling too.
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@vscjunk2261 Thank you very much, I needed to hear that.
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Just an update on my previous vented situationā¦I think what is getting on my nerves so bad is he is micro managing each and every plate of food I make, tonight he insisted on 2 asparagus spears and 1 baby new potato (the tiny bite size ones) and fortunately I convinced him that those āperfect portionā chicken breasts you buy in the grocery were indeed āperfect portionsā somehow he didnāt argue that because it was written on the package. I talked him into 2 additional baby sized carrots and he agreed but threw away about 1/2 of the potato and 1 of the carrots. Let me just lay it out why I am going nuts inside, Last week before this started, (and every week prior to now for a dozen years) he was angry at me for making a quarter pound cheeseburger (formerly his favorite thing to eat of all time) he was saying I donāt see why it canāt be a double and why do you make them so small? Then he was upset over a handful of french fries which I think is fair and when I said āfine you make themā-- he made enough for a family of 6. He would find ways to get candy and other snacks and he would graze all night all the time even when I would argue not to and try to divert him to something else he was unstoppable until this started. I think what gets me the most is he has no understanding or knowledge of nutrition in spite of me reading about to him and sharing information etcā¦and he still thinks he needs to limit his vegetables and refuses all good oils like olive oil or coconut oil which is what I use to cook and he refuses all seasoning but pepperā¦it is hard to make a great dish with just pepper --I am way okay with limited or cutting out most carbs and keeping protein to a 3or 4oz limit but vegetables are crucial for good health. I am not a big meat eater myself I like eggs, beans and tofu and stuff like thatā¦he has always been a big meat eater and tonight his meat was ok with 4oz. but in some cases his protein is the size of 1 single bite, because he argues about every single solitary piece of food I buy or cook. I know many of you would suggest i let him fend for himself in the kitchen but I am not at that level of ability to do that yet, when I let him cook in the past my pans are always ruined and the resulting food looks totally inedible and cooked to death so basically useless for nutrition and his choices are always questionableā¦I tried teaching him and he will not stand still to learn anything and he starts making jokes and walks away. We are on a limited fixed budget each month so waste is really not an option and I clip coupons and time the sale ads and go to multiple stores to get the best quality food for the least amount of money. I keep wracking my brain trying to figure out why this whole thing upsets me so much and I know it is not him reducing his food or trying to diet-I think it is him being so OCD for lack of a better term, (he has never ever been OCD or shown signs of it ever) But 2 thin asparagus? Yesterday was 2 grape tomatoes, shopping is crazy because now I can literally not buy anything that expires or that canāt be frozen because I may be the only person eating it. I know this all sounds just as trivial as the first time I wrote about it but I wish my therapy was tomorrow instead of Thursday, I feel pushed to my end and it shouldnāt be stressing me out like this, I love to cook for my family and I always have and I always respect anyoneās desire for a certain portion but am I wrong to think that some of this is just kind of ridiculous? anywayā¦thanks for letting the vent continueā¦I canāt wait until Thursday.
Micromanagement of things (especially food) and OCD are common in individuals in the spectrum. We go through changes and different habits every couple of years, especially when it comes to health habits or foods. My fiancĆ©ās OCD is primarily his health and heās gone from being vegan to an omnivore to carnivore to only milk and fruits and etc. I get how you feel about the food though, I have trouble myself buying food because I never know what Iām going to want. I can eat a banana one day and I will literally not eat another one for the next year or at least 3 months, depending on however I feel like. My fiancĆ© on the other hand always knows what he wants and calculates it to the exact proportions heās going to eat for that week.
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Thanks for the perspective, he has gone through changes but this one has just gotten to me, the last was about bananas believe it or notā¦he use to have a banana a day for years and raved how much he loved them and then one day he said, I am not having bananas anymoreā¦that was 6 months ago. My older son has cycles that you can pretty much watch as they each last about 4 -6 months and it is vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, and then steak and potato-and all out eat whatever you can get your hands on and back to vegetarian againā¦fortunate for him he has always been a lean fellow so he does not gain weight easily, but when he came to visit last Christmas I bought everything vegetarian to cook for him because at last looks he was vegetarian and he is like uhā¦whatās with all the vegetarian stuff, whereās the meat? UGHā¦anyway thanks againā¦hope you had a good day today.
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