You are right and it is very weird to be relieved of that responsibility after so many years…but for right now I am viewing it as sign of good progress. I think he is doing really well at present. (Ever mindful how things can change on a dime)
For what its worth, here are my two cents. What I’ve painfully learned from my daughter who was diagnosed at 19 years old as having schizophrenia and bipolar (schizo-affective) is that her emotional development has been stunted. She is in her 30’s and her emotional development is now in the middle school years. When she was officially diagnosed at 19 she behaved like a 8 or 9 year old so she is making progress. Now that she is behaving like she’s in middle school she’s started the contrary behavior of teenagers. She wants absolutely no comments about her illness, the way she dresses or what she eats. She becomes extremely angry with yelling, stomping around and blaming everyone for her problems. In her eyes nothing I say is useful or relevant
Perhaps your son is going through his teenage years now? For years my daughter behaved towards me as the sweetest daughter a mother could have. She was for the most part compliant and depended on me to help her make decisions such as self care, med compliance, what to eat and how much to exercise etc. Well she doesn’t want that anymore and I’d like to think that perhaps it’s a positive stage in her development on her road to becoming a more functional adult. I strongly believe our mi children development stages take much longer that our non-mi kids.
The people who love me have strongly recommend that I start seeing a therapist just for me because my daughter’s negative and angry behavior is affecting me deeply. I have longer anxiety attacks, spells of depression and hopelessness so just last week I made an appointment to see someone which I hope will help me cope better.
Wishing you and your family the best.
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You are absolutely right. I have known this for some time now. My son is developmentally in his teens and it can come and go and be up and down depending on the day. He actually takes less day to day care overall since he can often manage the minimum needed to get by. Now I am taking the time to get therapy and I got o DBT every Friday. Once I started caring for my own mental health I couldn’t fathom how I managed all of these years without it. I am glad to hear you are getting some help for yourself --once you get “use to” helping yourself (which if you are like me is such a foreign concept) you will be so glad you did. My best to you and your daughter as well. 
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I think it is important we remember just because they have schizophrenia it doesn’t mean they don’t notice their weight. And just like everyone else being overweight does take a toll on energy levels. Combined with med side effects, it is one more struggle. When they rip the rug out from us by changing direction and do something out of their “normal” routine it is a new worry for us caregivers. Hang in there and vent when you need to. Here is a bit of a different perspective: My son got tired of the excessive weight but his answer was to stop meds so without our knowledge he weaned himself off and lost the weight rapidly. You can probably figure out what else happened…
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So here is a new (old) twist on my running “I just need to vent” saga…Last night my sz son announces he does not think his food plan is working very well, and I asked “why?” He said …“because now I am really hungry and the really small portions are not making me feel full enough”. 
<----my face Imagine that? you weigh 275 and are eating mere teaspoons of food daily for a week and that doesn’t leave you full? What a shock! (and it’s not like I said that very same thing at the onset of this adventure.) Then he goes on to say (rather meekly) “So mom, you like to cook right? " and I said “Sometimes I love cooking” Then he said, …“so…umm, would you want to cook dinner again?” and I said “when?” and he said…“umm well, umm…like um well you didn’t cook all week and what did you think about that?” and I said. " I loved it!” and then he said even more hesitantly, “well I guess I can keep cooking for myself…if you want” I said, “Sure why not?–I think you did a great job and just up your portions a little bit is all” Then he said, “maybe would you want to cook tonight?-I mean you don’t have to but umm…well…um…if you want to, I mean…um…” So I said to him: I don’t mind cooking tonight because I have an idea for something really yummy…BUT I think we should both cook and maybe take turns or something, and you should keep monitoring your own food intake and just increase your portions a little bit more…and maybe if you are really hungry at night you could have a little bowl of cereal or something like that…The look of utter relief on his face was unmistakable. I think I will cook a couple of nights a week and still leave the rest up to him but I warned him about going back to eating a half a bag of groceries at a meal. He seemed to understand. He also seemed really worried that he wasn’t going to get PIE for thanksgiving, he said he wanted a whole pie for himself and I said —HAH…good luck with that. SO this whole thing makes me feel kind of ridiculous for getting so upset about it in the beginning, I am sure I may do it again some day. The only sure thing I can say about loving people with MI is that nothing stays the same forever and yet in some ways everything stays the same forever…only caretakers like me are likely to understand that statement. I feel like stress of self sufficiency was beginning to build in him…he started the whole thing way too strict and too rigid…If I were able to coach him and I try to …I say to him…“slow and steady wins the race” Gradual change is lasting change…" He still doesn’t get that. It is nice that we are getting along so well for now. Emphasis on “for now” 
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Ha, that’s cute. 
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I’ve been patting myself on the back thinking I was taking care of myself. I meet other women my age socially on a fairly regular basis for tea, lunch or dinner – go on long walks - sew and knit to lose myself in projects and recently finding that is not enough. My family insisted I get one on one counseling for the stress I’m under – caring for my daughter and also raising my daughter’s 5 yr old granddaughter and 9 year old grandson. I’m looking forward to talking to a professional person who can help me sort things out. Thanks Catherine. I’m glad that things are working out for you.
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Catherine, I hope things are going better for you. I know exactly the feeling you initially felt. It was the calm before the storm, is what I like to call it. Is something awful happening and changing and what it is…? It’s scary always waiting for a “disaster.” We kind of prepare ourselves so if it happens we won’t be shocked! haha. (I too grew up in a very dysfunctional home so I’ve been doing this my whole life.) My son will do things like this too out of nowhere and then change his mind. My mind starts thinking, okay, he wants to do this now, okay, so I can do this to make it easier or to help him getting started. The next day that idea is over and he’s back to himself or on to something new. Geez. I know this sounds sort of juvenile, but when I first read this I was wondering about a colorful food chart for him on the frig maybe. You know, the food group one. I could probably put one up on my frig if I said it was for me! Just a thought for portions. My son does better when it’s someone else’s idea or he sees it somewhere, as I am an idiot (kidding - I’m his mom) and can’t possibly know things. Hang in there. Thanks for sharing. I love reading on this site. I get so much comfort and great ideas. hugs…
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I get what you are saying about the “mom’s an idiot” thing…lol I get that too…and what’s funny is I can say something a thousand times and I get nothing and then one day out of the blue he will quote the very same thing back to me as if HE just thought of it and it is a brand new idea, my sza sister does the very same thing.
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Ah, @Catherine, that is an awesome outcome - you got a chance to discuss his choices, and he got to find out that his choices maybe were not the best. I’m proud of both of you!
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@Vallpen It was a surprising outcome and the only thing I am not real happy about is he seems to be swinging back the other way again. So I am going to try to demand (and I use that term loosely) that he cook for himself at least 2 or 3 days a week (now that I know he can do it). He is trying to give it all back to me again and taking extra pocket change to run off and buy candy bars again…UGH…what I wouldn’t give for some sustained balance…but that would be like asking for a Unicorn to deliver me a basket of magic rainbows…not likely. Still I adore this guy and I will stay at it…trying to achieve some semblance of balance and as much autonomy as will stick along the way. Hugs to you
Baby steps.
Maybe try cooking together for awhile (take turns being the assistant), then he cooks one night a week for month or six weeks, then add another night if that works out.
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Catherine - I loed the unicorn analogy; hang in there, you’re doing great and I like Vallpen’s idea below
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I know you wrote this a few months ago, but I just read it and it breaks my heart. You were having such a hard time. I hope he is now in his 48 weeks of pretty wonderful. sometimes I wonder how we all survive. It used to be like that for me. The good times would make up for the bad. It’s hard not to cry when they say such mean things to us. I had always sat and listened and would try not to argue. I wouldn’t say anything back. Before she went into the psyc hospital a week ago, one day I just repeated the things back to her and it seemed to shock her. If she said I was an idiot, I’d say you’re an idiot. I wouldn’t make up any cruelties myself. It was almost comical cause it would stop the ranting for a few seconds. When she started again I’d do the same thing. She finally gave up and called the police to come arrest her. Of course they just took her to the hospital. I appreciate the police around here. They know her by name and laugh with her at the odd things she does. She loves them.
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Thanks for the post --It made me look over these previous things I wrote and it kind of highlighted how I had put these past events away and had not thought of them in a long while…I am resilient. I need to remind myself of that sometimes. My son is easy to live with (these days) when he does not suffer a setback or a glitch as I have been calling it which typically lasts just a few days…I know how blessed I am to have him as well as he is and in the beginning I never thought these days would come. I read your stories and I just feel inclined to want to give you a hug for what it’s worth. I hope things begin to work out for your daughter and that you do eventually get the respite you so richly deserve. I for one really look forward to 3 things these days…my acupuncture session on Wednesdays, My counseling session on Thursdays and my DBT class on Fridays…They have become the glue that makes me feel pulled together and going to these things make me feel independent and self sufficient–imagine, me actually doing things that have nothing to do with my son. What a novel idea. right? (hugs)
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