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I tried to end my life bc I can't seem to help him


#21

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and for listening and understanding!! And also for the reminder that I’m not alone!!


#22

Curious as to how much the CBD oil runs where you live? Thanks for the info!! I will check into it here.


#23

I have gotten it near me, in Colorado and on Amazon. The price varies a bit. For a liquid container that was 300mg, it was $40ish near me in GA. A gummy package in CO was $36.95 for 540mg. A package of gummies on Amazon is $40 for 300mg. Liquid can be vaped or put under the tongue.


#24

https://www.projectcbd.org/schizophrenia


#25

Also, I’m about to detox the family with FIJI water.


#26

It’s about $20 to 40 a package (maybe enough for a week if you’re a light user?) in the head shops here - not a weed legal state.

There are some start-up companies on Facebook doing free giveaways to get their name out there. I couldn’t remember any of the names off the top of my head, but just wanted to mention it.

We tried the gummy’s because we’ve tried everything. My son didn’t really notice any effect. I took about 1/2 a packet to see if it would help me sleep. I noticed nothing. My husband said there was some mild pain relief.

A friend of mine tried them with his teen daughter with better results. She has anxiety/depression that’s treatment resistant, but bipolar runs in their family & they’re thinking she may be starting down that road, but no psychosis so far…


#27

They will not notice any difference. Only the people around them notice the effect.


#28

CBD for sz is unproven and possibly dangerous.


#29

Agreed - and, I don’t think it could even come close to replacing pharmaceutical drugs unfortunately.

People online claim it works for people they know personally, but all I can say is that they must not have severe symptoms.


#30

That person I know personally is my son, who is 28 years old. Yes, it is severe. There are studies which have been done. More studies need to be done but it is at least an option when there aren’t any others.


#31

I think, like all medications, it would work for some, but it certainly didn’t work for mine.

If it works, I think that’s great, but I think it’s dangerous to suggest that it would work for everyone.

My biggest worry is that you don’t know what you’re buying if you don’t live in a state where marijuana is legal to buy. I would be afraid that all the people peddling CBD outside of those areas would do just like some of the vitamin companies and sell products with less than the advertised legal ingredients, or inconsistent dosages, or some other problem.

I would also guess that the “legal” CBD products made from hemp would be different than CBD products made from the new strains of cannabis designed to have very high CBD levels & very low THC levels.


#32

I feel so alone and scared! After my attempt at taking my own life, my daughter brought me down to her house for a week. But she hasn’t even been here! I don’t want to be alone! My son is calling me and talking very strange. He is very manic and his thoughts are racing. I can’t help him! I’m feeling so useless!! And why the heck did I try to take my own life when he fights for his daily?!? I’m so ashamed!!!


#33

Hi!
You are not alone! Your daughter loves you, your son loves you, and God loves you. And you have friends here.:rose:
It’s no wonder you are having anxiety. You are going through a very stressful time. Forgive yourself and try to get some rest while you are away. You’ll be home soon enough.
Maybe talk to your daughter when she gets home. Tell her how you are feeling. She wants to help (she brought you there to her house, right?)


#34

Yes she brought me down here. But has just left me sitting alone. Can’t say that I blame her. I don’t want to be around my own self!! At least if I would have stayed at home I could have stayed with my parents. I feel like a burden to her now.


#35

you are not alone. I have felt this way several times. my son is non-complaint on medicine and as much as other family members loved in the past before he was diagnosed. now, no one wants to be with him. He keeps leaving my home and travel to California whenever I tried to enforce meds on him.
I feel I am emotionally and financially drained. I say to myself that I will get him committed as long as I am alive.
Life is precious and you need to keep fighting. Death is irreversible. as long as you live, you have chance to help him but if you die, he may not have to chance to get better.

you have kept him alive for 10 years since he was diagnosed, that means you are helping him and you are making a difference in his life. he is still alive and he not tried to commit suicide.

Do not worry about others. stay close to family members who are supportive and do not worry about the ones who just want to criticize and gossip

Do not loose hope. Keep fighting. it will get better.
Praying for your and your son.


#36

Where is your daughter? Is she at work?
Can you leave and go to your parents for the next 2 days? Maybe they can pick up up?

Take it easy. You will be ok


#37

Sheyelo, how is it going now? You are not a burden, we are here for you.


#38

She’s not heavy; she’s my mother…

slightly changed the song lyrics to let you know you are cared for


#39

I’ve been where you are many many times you are not alone. The many here responses prove it.
Your post shows you’ve got a good grasp about your sons illness.

Our sons commitments and hospitalizations (especially with police involved) were traumatic frightening heartbreaking painful visceral experiences. When our un medicated son became more threatening we tried desperately to keeps things stable. Looking back I see that trying to mange our sons worsening condition at home was an impossible situation. His initial physcotic episodes combined with the substance abuse had to reach a breaking point before we could get him into treatment.

He’s sat in an er for almost a week waiting for a bed,
After one assault early on he spent the night in the county jail.
During another episode he ran off from the hospital ER in October barefoot with only a gown and spent the night in the woods. I’m sure many of those reading have been through similar experiences.

This was all with both my wife and I working to keep things sane. An unsupported caregiver has a much larger challenge !

My suggestion is go to your local magistrate tell them whats happening (with as many specific details as possible) and let them know you want an involuntary commitment. Request CIT trained deputies if they have any.
Next time you’re threatened call the police they should come out, pick him up and transport him to a hospital. Prior communication with the police about the IVC will help deescalate a scary situation.

Once in the system he can get treatment. It may take time to find a bed, there could be other issues but once it commitment happens you can get some rest knowing he is safe you are safe and an opportunity for improvement has opened. We’ve through several hospitalizations but eventually he gained more insight into his illness and became more stable. If you need to tell the social workers/case mangers you are unable to have him at home they should work at finding housing. Looking back I also feel like our son got a message about how we would react when he was out of control. Perhaps you’ve heard all this already but you are absolutely not alone.
Tears, grieving ,therapy and a psychiatrist all continue to help me with the enduring sadness that is part of this terrible disease. Things are better now but its taken many years. Hang in there.


#40
My beautiful youngest son has Schizophrenia and Bi-polar disorder.  These 39 years with my son have been filled with deep  anxiety, fear, and frustration.  I keep a big note above my desk... "On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%, and that's pretty good!" 
 With all the posts I have read so far here I can honestly say, "I know how you feel.. I have had that experience." And the funny things is I sought professional help for my dear son when he was just 6... and he has had some type of professional help all along... as he has continually run away.... gotten into trouble due to his way of being, his illness, put in jails all over where folks had no clue about schizophrenia, or bi-polar disorders. All these years I've dealt with public schools who did not want him around (even though he was so loved by every teacher he ever had) , to juvenile detention and ordered state hospital treatment,  to being on the streets... to jails, forensic hospitals, NAMI, judges without a clue, to a judge who did everything thing in his power to get people with mental illness the treatment they needed, sentencing to 364 days in a county jail so as to be able to provide medical treatment. Every phone call, I tell you...whenever I did not know where he was being held, my heart jumped when the phone rang... thinking this will be the one that he has been found dead.  He has been different outpatient programs that were court ordered (ACT.. a program of being a "psych hospital without walls")... Then a big change happened.. ( but not after I was diagnosed with bi-polar 2 , about 5 years ago) My son just got older! He realized that he did not want to ever be held in a jail again. He never wanted to be in a psychiatric hospital... He was once again court ordered to a group home.....  but this time he did NOT take off! This time he has stayed on his medications, and has such good care. It was not easy. Many times he thought and sometimes still does think about getting his own place. But now... he is older, and tired.. and knows somewhere inside that he can not live without assistance.  He has been on SSI since age 19, so when he was able  to be in a place for more than 30 days, a payee somewhere helped him to not be hungry, even though he might be living in a tent somewhere. BUT.... WE MADE IT! WE made it through each one of these days. I could write and write about what has transpired.. but this is what I would like to express just for today... I love this person with all my heart. I know he can never live in our home again.. nor can I ever be put in the position again of being responsible for him... BUT... one thing he always had was a prepaid phone card. All those years... I HAVE been the one constant in his life.. and now that he has been stable for the last 3 years (meaning has not left his group home now stopped his medication) we talk almost everyday. And then I go to MY counselor and often have to process my phone time with him. Here we are. He will never NOT be schizophrenic. I will never NOT be bi-polar. I share all of this in the hopes that it might be beneficial.. It has been for me..  My son has a true measure of happiness and peace today.. as do I...