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I tried to end my life bc I can't seem to help him


#41

OH! We must have been writing these posts at the same time! I AM glad to read from someone who has shared these experiences… and most valuable advise.


#42

I CAN identify with the loneliness and despair you feel. I am sure you realize that your loyalty and courage is not matched by a lot of people. And if you are like me you sometimes wonder why no one has the same level of caring for YOU that you have for your son. That being said it is what it is and you have got to find a way for you AND your son to survive.
My first suggestion is to do with the fear that you and others feel for your son. I have been through that and know that it is probably warranted. I have also been through medications not helping or only adding to the nightmare. These are some things I learned the hard way.
#1 Only one medication change at a time and in the smallest possible increment possible.
#2 No matter how bad the situation, death is worse. There are no do overs for death - for you or your son. If that means I have to be best friends with 911, I will. No matter the hassle of spending hours and hours in an ER. No matter that my son absolutely hates being committed. No matter if it costs big $. No matter if it takes away some of my control over what happens. All of that is better than death.
#3 If I have to be the squeaky wheel that has unpleasant statements written in my child’s medical notes to get what he needs, that will be ME! No apologies. No being made to feel guilty by people who are not willing to take responsibility for the son I love. Own the authority you have and use it wisely.
#4 My son tried a lot of medicines too. It felt like nothing really helped. We even tried Clozaril and were devestated when he had to be taken off it in a week. But the last time he was hospitalized, the doctor agreed to try lithium. It is not prescribed as much as some newer drugs, but I had been told that in Europe it is used for psychosis as well. My son still hears voices, but his moods are stable. The voices are pretty pleasant (not harassing) and he is no longer violent or suicidal. The year he started lithium we had a window he had broken repaired, and I told him we are celebrating the window marking the end of destruction in our home. Neither one of us live in fear now of what the voices and paranoia will cause. So don’t give up. Keep searching for that medicine for your son. And if he has not already tried lithium, I would recommend it.
#5 As a counselor once told me, the time for pride is long past. Ask for help. He is staying with a friend now. Would that same friend be willing to go on a walk with your son once a week or _something? And if any help is offered, take it! No matter how small! If you feel your son is safe alone for an hour or two, go out.
And last of all, you have my love. I don’t have to know you personally to know the struggle you are going through. You are a very strong, loving woman, and you have too much to offer the world to leave it before you are finished with God’s plan for your life.


#43

I can’t find words right now to express my gratitude for all the words of encouragement and prayers!! I am going back home today but it will be late bf I get there but I promise I will keep everyone posted! And I also promise to this entire group to not attempt taking my own life again!! :hugs::heart:️:pray:t2:


#44

Good Iuck!
We are here for you!


#45

Hi Sheyelo,
You are experiencing what we all feel at times. I suggest you remember to take good care of yourself too! The mental health crisis hotlines are for people like us too. We need our own mental health support with meds and counseling. I did both.

I also put him in an assisted living home with med support and I had constant contact with the administrator and the doctor until his meds were made right. It gave me the space to heal some and get some much needed sleep. My son had gotten to the point he was in as much pain (as I was too) and we made a deal to “do whatever it takes”. That was on both of our points. That was 3 1/2 year ago.

He has graduated to living with his sister and is stable!!! I am sane and he is so much happier. He still needs to start college and/or working to be back into society and being productive.

I hope you find the right combo of things to get you both where you need to be. Keep trying!

Our job as a parents (usually without spousal support and sometimes without friend support) is a very difficult and hard palace to be. There is no shame in getting the help you need for you and for your son.

Hang in there, keep trying and reach out for help. That is what we are here for.
Triplet mom


#46

You´re not the only one. I sent my partner away in order to end my life. I still wish I had.


#47

If he is threatening, it may be that he is not taking his medication.I suggest you call the police if he becomes threatening. And keep records of his activities with police, or hospital admissions.
My son s behavior changed whenever he stopped taking his meds. Had cops at our house many times. They take him to mental unit of hospital and usually after a few days is transferred to a mental health hospital, until he is back on his meds, sometimes, as long as a month
He has finally accepted his mental situation and depression and goes for therapy and sees psch Dr . He has put on alot of weight and not interested in much, but stable and gets along with family and enjoys his niece’s, who live near by. So there is hope at the end of the tunnel, not the kind we were hoping for our children, but a new way of living for them and you. And yes, make time for yourself. If he can get in a group home, someone will take over the responsibility of seeing that he is ok, and deal with his meds and allowance he is allowed.
Good luck.


#48

I’m glad we are both still here to fight for our loved ones!! There is not enough of us already!! Much love and support!!


#49

Update: got home last night and went in the house. It was pitch black and this strange smell and almost like a fog hanging in the air. I had/have no idea what the smell was. I fumble my way through the house until I located my son. He was asleep on the couch and his smoke room. I asked him to get up and come outside with me and ask him what the smell was. He came up off the couch very irritated i’m practically growled at me saying he did not know what the smell was and that I did not need to come in on him like that. I apologized for my pitched voice but told him that I was scared because I did not know what the smell was and was afraid that it was either wires burning or something chemical. I do not know what meth smells like but that made me think of meth. He would not come out with me and got very mad because I turned on the light. I went outside and called 911 they sent the fire department and the sheriffs department out. Before they got there I had an onset of a panic attack. Which then triggered one of my migraines and I passed out. They called the ambulance and transported me to the hospital. I was given a shot released 2 1/2 hours later. My ex-husband came and picked me up and brought me to my parents house. Which is where I stayed for the night. I have been able to piece together what transpired last night by talking with my son today. And my ex-husband who came out to the house when he heard the call. The police did not find anything to arrest my son for and said that the smell they smelled was that of sage. My son is in full-blown manic mode. And that’s mail that I smiled when I went in the house last night really scared me. I have never smelled that before. And it was like I could almost taste it. I guess that’s what triggered my migraine. That plus a panic attack. I’m scared to go back there. And won’t go back there alone. But I’m also scared for my son. Because I know his multiple personalities are taking over. When I talk to him on the phone I can distinguish his personalities and I was able to talk to my son once today. And he is scared. He said that he was calling to just make sure that I had not been missed placed and that I was OK and to tell me that he loved me. Now I’m left not knowing what to do. I can’t go back by myself. And they tell me to go and file an order of protection. But I can’t follow in order protection without there being some sort of physical abuse. And there was not any physical abuse. I really just don’t know what to do at this point. I guess it’s best if I just stay away for a while and let him calm down but at the same time I’m really scared of what’s happening with my son. I don’t know maybe some of you can help me out here and figure out what I need to do next any and all input will be greatly appreciated ! !


#50

I’m so sorry for you in this latest ordeal! It’s the last thing you needed.
For what it’s worth, I’ve burned sage bundles in the house (supposed to clean the space of bad energies, or some such), and it emits a very strong, thick smoke.
I wouldn’t go back there until he is removed to a safer environment, i.e. the hospital. Call his doctor and tell him what’s going on, and that he can’t live w you at this time.
Don’t feel badly! He is not in a rational state of mind. And he needs to be stabalized, which can’t happen at your house.Your nerves can’t take it!
Xoxo


#51

Nothing is worth ending your life for. My son is also very ill. He just returned home after three years in a institution because he refused to take his medication. He’s doing very well now, if he starts to refuse his medication again I’m going o do everything I can to get him to a group home. It’s a controlled environment. I’m not going to be here forever and I want him to have the best chance at a normal life as possible. Some of these are very good. For now I’m very happy he’s home and I pray it stays that way. Good luck with your son and I love this site. Also you have to take care of yourself, you have to be number one so you can help him.


#52

Some of the things you mention in your post, I don’t have a clue how/where to start. Social workers? Case managers? Where or how do you get these? My son has been violent in the past, has two suicide attempts and living with him on a daily basis has become almost impossible. (He is med compliant, but has substance abuse issues - mostly pot which he thinks is the wonder drug.) I called the local NAMI chapter as someone had suggested to me. The lady I spoke to there, after me explaining all this to her, suggested I go to the family-to-family class. Well, that is a great suggestion and I am willing to do that, but in the meantime, someone in my family may and likely will be hurt by him. The sheriffs have been to our house countless times and they say their hands are tied because he’s a juvenile (barely, he’s 17). He choked his older brother almost to unconciousness last fall and was arrested. The courts basically slapped him on the wrist (1st offense), ordered community service and counseling. If we don’t do as he asks (buy him cigarettes, whatever), he gets violent. We have no life anymore. I work full time and so does my husband. Going to work is our refuge. How ridiculous is that? I read these posts and I know others have the same situation. Just don’t know where to start to get help.


#53

We too have been happy to have a job to go to as refuge!
The involuntary commitment procedures vary from state to state.
I’d contact his doctor and go to your local Sheriffs office tell them you and your family are in the midst of a potentially dangerous mental health crisis and ask what you need to do to get him committed.
There should be a way to do that especially considering he presents a danger to himself or others. I would think the history you described will help to pave the way especially if you get his doctor involved.


#54

See if your county or city has a mental health services department.
They may be able to get him therapy, a psychiatrist, case managers, etc.

This is a link to the one where we live - maybe it will help you know what to look for where you are:
http://www.chesterfield.gov/mhss/


#55

How are you doing today?

I, too,have a pattern of thoughts that broadcasts the end your life idea.

My father, schizophrenic, alcoholic, actually did end his own life.

He talked a lot about it , to me when driving me to Sunday school.

The night he ended his life he came by the house and wanted me to go with him!

I know it doesn’t solve anything.

Let these dark moments pass.

Pray and eat ice cream! LOL

LOVE

from Vermont


#56

My son is still very much out of it. He hasn’t had any meds since last Sunday. He is still very restless and talking jiberish. He isn’t resting well bc of the muscle spasms. He can barely hold a cup in his hand. He has a foam mattress in the living room floor that he is laying on. He wanted to put it in my room but I asked if he would try the living room first. My room is just off the living room and I can see him from my bed. Still hasn’t smoked any cigs and is still responding to the voices in his head and the tv. I don’t know what a mental breakdown looks like but in my opinion, this is it. He is not himself at all. Praying that the dr will see this and order a brain scan!!

Thanks for all the prayers and encouragement!!


#57

@Sheyelo - when will he see a doctor?


#58

He has pdoc and mdoc Wednesday at 1pm. He has slept most of today. He just ate super and seems to be a little better. Calmer almost. Not jerking as much and not talking to the voices. Praying that the worst is behind us!!


#59

Hoping and praying he continues to be better.


#60

Well I can’t get him to leave the house to go to dr. He didn’t sleep last night and is talking nonsense again and jerking with muscle spasms. I’m so frustrated!! He has a regular scheduled dr appt next Wednesday and the dr said if he misses that appointment then he will discharge him as a patient. That puts a lot of pressure on me. How can I make him go to the dr if his mind is not clear?? I’m at a loss!!