Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

I'm in a new relationship with a schizophrenic and need helpful advice


#1

I’m in a new relationship with a man who has schizophrenia. We have been reunited from when we were lovers at university (20 years ago almost) but back then I didn’t know what was wrong with him.
He is the love of my life.
The thing is- I left my husband and my life for him.
I believe he loves me but sometimes he is very harsh to me and even tells me I am the one who is crazy !!
Is that a normal behaviour for a schizophrenic? He plays games with me- for sure- at times- I believe to test my love.
He can say some very hurtful things to me. Is this normal?- I am sure I will have many more things to ask this forum as time goes by…


#2

Sounds like two people with personality disorders rushing full-boar into an infatuation disaster.

Not trying to be mean, but just my honest thoughts.

And no, that is not “normal” for schizophrenia. Some people with SZ are very mild mannered, or timid, or highly empathetic, or very secretive, or mostly fearful and withdrawn, or often agitated, or (insert any possibility here).

Also makes a huge difference whether or not he complies with treatment, and whether or not his treatment is working for him.

You should never leave you whole life behind for anyone. That IS crazy. So maybe there is some truth in what he says, whether either of you know it or not.

Good luck.


#3

Might be a personality disorded besides the sz, might be that he’s just that way. But definitely not a symptom of the illness.


#4

It’s hard to differeniate between what is causing his behavior. Part of it just may be his personality and part of it is the effects of having schizophrenia. Some people with schizophrenia can pull off getting married some of us can’t. Everybody is an individual and a relationship with someone who has schizophrenia should be taken on a case-by-case basis.


#5

he may have delusions and strange beliefs…just be tolerant as schizohrenics can be muddled in theor own mind…

also try getting a good ant psychotic to help with the delusions


#6

When I was in untreated schizophrenia I would sometimes say extreme things to scare people away - to make them treat me differently. I’ve seen other sz’s do that too. I don’t know what the deal is with your bf. It could be that intimacy scares him.


#7

I said before that I’m not the ideal partner, but I do take responsibility when I’m wrong, and I try to improve. I would never intentionally hurt my husband. Schizophrenia, or any other MI, is not an excuse to be abusive to anyone. And, from your perspective, you have to take the whole and decide if you really want to be with someone who is mean to you…for any reason.


#8

Welcome to the forums, Nicole. I’m sure you will find support here.
Many of us can offer various perspectives and insight as to what has worked for us. I know my son loves me but his words can be harsh sometimes. I let him know right away what I won’t tolerate. It’s verbal abuse and very unhealthy.

I am a huge supporter and advocate of NAMI. See if there are some meetings close by to you. Are you in the states? If so, try https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI

Please rethink using words like “schizophrenic” or “schitzo” as they tend to label and stigmatize those who help us here, as well as the ones we love. I’m sure you didn’t mean it in a derogatory manner.

Hang tough


#9

My therapist told me not to think of myself as a “schizophrenic”. She said I am a person with schizophrenia.


#10

Thanks but I hardly think looking for someone for 16 years and reconnecting and dreaming of them infatuation. We have been together six months and all I care about is supporting him and understanding him. I don’t have a personality disorder myself but thanks for your psychoanalysis of me - lol


#11

Thanks for your helpful advice - appreciate it xx


#12

Thank you - appreciate it xx


#13

Thank you - your advice is helpful - appreciate it xx


#14

Thanks Karl - you have given me some good advice


#15

No I didn’t - I didn’t know - I wi t say that again
Just trying to understand


#16

Yeah this doesn’t really sound like a healthy relationship…


#17

I’m glad she told you that. I agree with her.