Person who I am seeing has schizophrenia. I want to call him my boyfriend, but for some reason I have doubts about our relationship.We met on dating site, after few months of writing back and forth he told me about his diagnosis, after another while we met. Now when there are no secrets, and seeing each other, I am not sure if I am making the right decision by going more into the relationship, talking about marriage and children. I didn’t know there are so many health issues, medication, everything with him is close to extreme. He is upset, he slaps, few times I cried secretly, depression right away, control. Sometimes I feel I am happier by myself, then I see he feels happy when I tell him little nice things, I see he looks better, doing more for himself, talks about future, a child, believes me. I love him. My question is what is for us if we are together? Is it always like this? Thank you.
He slaps? Slaps you? Or himself? If he slaps you break up instantly!
It does not matter if your partner is ill or healthy or even the President him self. If your partner is violent, end the relationship at once, while you still have self confidence to do it.
Does he slap you or himself? Either way that is uncalled for.
I am the one with schizoaffective disorder in the relationship. It’s not always bad but we do fight, usually about something I forgot to do, something I did wrong, or me hiding from the world. We are waiting to have children until she gets her RN degree and i’m more steady.
He used to get upset right away, it was few bad words he said, then apologized. I see, he is trying to control himself. I am controlling myself too, reading about it, not reacting.
If he is violent it’s not because of the illness itself. He shouldn’t be violent either ill or not ill.
If he represents a danger to himself or others he should be hospitalized.
If he is violent towards you, you don’t have to put up with it, even if you think you love him.
He is not violent, only very very sensitive to everyone and everything. He never hit me. What I see, his mood goes down so fast.
Forget the schizophrenia. If he is slapping you get rid of the jerk. It will only get worse if you marry.
What do you mean with “he slaps”?
I have sz. I am not violent. But I have a temper, but even with temper it is not an excuse to behave bad. I can’t call my husband anything that pops up in my mind. If I lose control and become violent or behave bad I need hospital.
It is never ever ok to hit or slap someone else. No matter illness or anger.
If he slaps you - leave!
For your other questions… Schizophrenia is for most people a life long illness. Yes, it will be a life fighting with medication, delusions and paranoia. If he is med compliant it could be smoother. But I know me from time to time, voices break through and threaten me. Medicine is poison. I stop taking them and then I relapse. I KNOW voices aren’t real, I KNOW I’m not supposed to listen to them. But they take control. They become real. I have no choise but to listen.
Thank you. He has that too. I am thinking if I am helping him or making it worse by sometimes fake supporting to make him happy.
You must not confirm his delusions to make him happy. That is making him worse in his illness.
When I am delusional I start to question my delusions when people won’t agree with me.
Yeah, that’s not the makings of a good relationship. I’m not the most fun person to be married to, but I would never hurt my husband. Having sz can be overwhelming and I need to focus a lot, but it’s not an excuse to be selfish and/or uncaring. He needs to be responsible for his behavior. And you need to be honest with yourself about how you feel; what you’re concerned about. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you decide that’s not the life you want.
I think she meant “he snaps”. Sounds more plausible in the context…
Yes, snaps, and I take everything personal.
Hun may i say you seem you are finding alot of negativity and depression, do you think it will get better, nope, people like myself been diognozed, always thinking of others no matter how distressed i am, but can handle it, some cant, i try so hard not to let anyone worry, its my Mums heart,in me, Its time to move on, give 10 years of your life children in future, if you feel right now how you feel, imagine ten years, Leave, find happyness, if your feeling negativity now, not good Murka, please leave you deserve happyness, sending you lots of love xx
Hi Murka. First off, I don’t think any of us can tell you what the right thing to do is. We can share experiences and give you things to ponder.
My wife has has sza. She got it after our child was born. Life for me has been hell at times. She has serious lack of insight and at times her moods are delusional and manic. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have married her. I believe the stress of this will shorten my life expectancy.
I think the thing you really need to consider is if you have children by him, they will be dealing with this. Plus, if they have his genes, they have a 25% greater chance of getting sz themselves.
Don’t misread me that all ppl with sz can’t comply with meds and raise good children. My experience is when you have a severe case of lack of insight, it makes life incredibly hard. My wife isnt in compliance and I’m very close to filing for divorce. A stat from NAMI said that 90% of marriages where one spouse has a mental illness end in divorce.
I think if you proceed with this man, you need to know exactly what you’re signing up for. He will likely relapse, then get better. If you’re willing to deal with the peaks and valleys, go forward. You can DM and I’ll share more of my experiences.