My temperament is such that I will retreat inside myself if I get upset. I have a hard time standing up for myself or my son, when I feel that we have been unfairly treated. I become paralyzed. When I can get through that, I might go away and cry. What I usually do is try to find another solution that I can provide, myself. It’s been a problem since childhood, when no one stood up for me and I didn’t learn how, and I have failed my son many times, because of it. I am trying to fix that.
But I am able to be objective about my son. I speak to my counselor about him every week, and his role is to help me to see things objectively, and to know what to do, when I need to. What a God-send. He knows my son. He used to see him weekly, when he came for our apt.
The worker asked him two questions to determine how mentally clear he is: his birthdate and the president. He knew his birthdate. His answer about the president was “Trump?” He answered as a question, because he wasn’t sure. But she then just took his word for everything, and told me that I am doing things for him that he doesn’t need.
My son does not have clarity about his needs and abilities.
He suffers from social anxiety to the point where he will refuse to go pretty much anywhere, and he insists I go in to all his appointments with him, even physical exams by the medical doctor. He will not go in alone. But when she asked him if he has anxiety, he said no.
We tried to teach him the bus route to his psychiatrist, riding with him many times. But when we let him finally go alone, every time he would get off early and get lost. Never was he able to get to his apt. But when she asked him if he can take the bus to his apts. and go alone, he said yes.
He has severe dyscalculia. For this reason, he has a payee, and I am it. He cannot read an analog clock or handle money. He cannot figure out how much he can buy with $5, at the minimart, when he goes in to buy a drink and a snack. He often has them ring up more items than he has money for and they have to void the sale and help him choose what he can pay for. This happens all the time. But when she asked if he could go and buy his own groceries, he said yes.
He does bake frozen pizza, make ramen noodles, make boxed max and cheese, and chile with a can of beans, ground beef and chile powder. But he often puts food on and goes outside and forgets about it. I have to keep an eye out, because he is always filling the house with smoke and setting off the alarm. He burns pans so badly that it takes many attempts to get the black out. He puts the pizza in the oven without a pan and the cheese drips on the oven floor and burns, but he’s not around, so it continues, causing smoke and alarm. He caught the toaster on fire by putting in corn tortillas and leaving. They caught fire and so did the top of the toaster. He had a glass bowl touching the stove flame, and the bowl exploded. But when she asked if he could cook his own meals without supervision, he said yes.
He vomits often, and I often find it on the floor, or splattered on furniture, or maybe he tried to vomit in the toilet, but from a standing position and it’s everywhere. Sometimes he does a weak attempt at cleaning, but it always needs a lot more cleaning to actually be clean. It’s not just my opinion. We had housemates for years, and his dad knew it, too. People would complain to me. I have cleaned vomit from the ceiling, and all the furniture in his room. He vomited on the oil filled electric radiator and let it cook on it, which made the smell strong. He wouldn’t clean it or let me clean it, until I got to sneak in there and clean it up a week later. He doesn’t clean his area, in his room or outside. The dirt piles up. You can see a wide dark trail where he walks, from spilling his drinks as he walks, and the floor of around his sitting area is covered in tobacco, cig butts, ashes, and wrappers. His little table and the shelves next get full of used cups with tea bags drying in them, glasses, dishes, most with drying food. He thinks it’s all just fine. When she asked if he can clean up for himself, he said yes.
I am always trying to get him to do better. But this is how it is, so far. And this is when he takes his meds. He sits and smokes and drinks beverages all day long, listening to music on his phone, often laughing to himself.