Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Is it normal for us to feel almost guilty


#1

Well no not guilty but just sad, bad whatever, My son has the depot of zuclopenthixol every two weeks now, he was on paliperidone for a year, didnt see too much progress so was changed to zuclopenthixol about 8 weeks ago. Its an older type antipyscotic and Im a bit concerned now. He still at times is having his , what I call fears, worries about thinking he is going to be killed, kidnapped etc, he has had these since he started on the first lot of as. He is slower on these, more sedated, he has 200mg every two weeks. he wasnt med compliant and is on a community treatment order which was renewed a few weeks ago for this time “up” to one year.
He has side effect of walking around the house, the room, anywhere, but if he is distracted or focused on something he doesnt do it.
It pains me to see no real improvement, its really making me worry and wonder if it has to be like this, sorry I know that doesnt make sense.

His CPN is coming to see us tomorrow and I know i will need to bring this to her attention. I just feel so sad at times for him. He is pale, slow , and seems to have so many worries, I have no idea what to compare it with though? are meds to cause this? he is a shadow of himself, as in so subdued, but at the weekend he imitated me eating something, ok it was a bit noisy as I couldnt help it then he said "you were the one that caused this by calling the crisis team, mocking me for it. Then he went to the soccer game then came home all forgotten.

His grandparents visited at the weekend and stayed three nights with us, he expressed his worry to his gran, then at night told her he loved her and sat with his arms round her.
Its sad all this isnt it. He is 25 living like a 75 year old.

Its the walking around then ransoming will hit out at the furniture with his foot, I’ve noticed too that he walks close to the perimeter of something, like if its the garden he will walk close to the fence and in the house its near the walls? anyone notice similar stuff? thank you ,


#2

it is normal to feel guilty. I feel guilty most of the time that my son is sick and i am not able to fix his sickness. he almost get overdosed at one hospital where they gave him both Seroquel (800mg) and Paliperidone. He called me numerous times from Hospital and talked about death and that he will me with Grandma in heaven. he broken my heart. I was calling the nurses like 3 times daily until he get better. When he returned home, he was emotional when one of his friend told him that he not sharp. He told me that the medicine makes him feel stupid and slow. he was very slow in his movement and just wanted to stay home and watch TV most of the time. he also started to get delusional that where we live ia causing him headache and his friend is causing him headache and stomachache.

later he got off of his medicine and left to California where he was hospitalized couple times then came back home and now again he is in California to appear in court. just a continuous cycle of in and out of hospital.
I feel very sad for him. two years and 1/2 ago, he was attending college and working and since he has the illness,my life have been challenging emotionally and financially. I worried about him all the time but I am also praying about it.


#3

what about Invega Sustena shots. is he open to take monthly shots. I hear some people benefit from it.


#4

I’m so sorry to hear this about you and your son, that’s awful he was overdosed poor guy must have been so scared.


#5

it was so scary for him and I could not sleep for few days.
Now, he is facing Charges for inappropriate behavior (naked) in public when he was homeless last year in California. I am hoping his public defender can do a good job. I requested his public defender to get a court-ordered treatment so he would not get sex-offender registration.

I am scared that he will be hospitalize again and will go through the same cycles. Hospital in and out.
At the same time, I am concerned if I do not anything, his condition will get worse and I will go somewhere else!

I have a family friend who is in daily contact with him now and he calls me daily to tell me how things are with my son.My Son does not respond to my calls or text messages. I only hear from him when he wants to ask about debit card or Credit card. I deposit money online to the family friend to give my Son his daily allowance but his sleeping arrangement is not working yet. I rented him Airbnb for a month and was costing me about $35 per night. but in the last week of the month while he was staying, he cursed the host/lady of the house because she did not want to host him anymore.

there is another Airbnb host where he can stay in a shared room ( cost about $25 per night) but he does not want to stay with other people in the room.
Now, he stays little with the family friend and sometimes he sleeps in his car. The family friend is living in Retirement home with his mother and the management at retirement home is strict.

I am honestly thinking of buying a Condo in California close to the Family friend where my son can live. I will get my share from a House I own in California and buy him a Condo. it will cost me quite a bit because San Francisco bay Area is expensive but what else can I do! he seems to drift all the times to California and he likes it over there.
I just hope he gets some kind of treatment and get on the way to recovery.
Keep hoping and praying and trying different ways to get him help.


#6

San Francisco is so expensive will he go somewhere more affordable? Wow what a big decision and good for you to be able to do that.


#7

Well, he is not Staying at San Francisco. right now he is on Concord, CA which is more affordable. 2 bedroom Condo would cost about $240K. it is not that bad. I can get about 200K from my Concord Home.


#8

My first priority is to to get him the treatment so he can function, work and have a normal life.


#9

I think most of us live with this sadness and something like guilt. I feel very sad that it took so long to get my son onto clozapine and that we went thru so many failed trials, and whatever damage came as a result of him decompensating again and again. And, I was not always the picture of sanity myself when going through some of the worst of it.

My son also paces a lot, I’m not certain what the cause of it is. He has sometimes called it ‘doing his laps’. He also still has many delusions and a lot of paranoia about them, and that is something else I feel very sad about because it all keeps him from living a happier, more satisfying life.


#10

Thinking of you . Im glad that finally your son is on the clozapine.


#11

I always feel bad since my daughter hates all of the anti psychotics and only liked the Profrontal formula, which is natural. She quit taking that too since “God” told her that she was better now. Now she is back in the hospital again and I feel bad for all of those awful drugs that she is taking and hates so much.
This sz disease really sucks.


#12

Completely normal. The legacy of Freudian psychology in the West is that everything is the mother’s fault! I tore myself to pieces when my son was diagnosed and since one of the major symptoms of sz is an ‘external locus of control’ it’s sufferers classically blame everything either on major conspiracies or on those closest to them. Which doesn’t help. At all. However, I have stopped blaming myself and he has stopped blaming me too so it has passed