I have been reading on here for a couple of weeks. My story is long, I could write a book, but here’s the main point. After 5 years of delusions and hallucinating, me being the primary focus of his delusions, he is now 49 and has no insight, was on meds back in 2022 for 2 months, he’s been living above his mom’s hair shop for 3 years and his stepdad came back in the picture maybe 6 months ago. His mom wrote a letter to the judge a couple of years ago but nobody helped. I have messaged and talked to prosecutors, police, victims advocates and have gotten nowhere. 2 weeks ago I went to see him, he won’t give me his phone number, and I’m guessing he has been telling his stepdad things about me that aren’t true but I don’t think his stepdad has been around him much and sees how he is acting, so I was told to leave the property or the police would be called. I was told that he told his stepdad he is tired of me calling him crazy and telling him he has schizophrenia, which he was diagnosed at a hospital in 2022. So now I have no way to contact him. He is on supervised probation and I was under the impression that the probation officer was going to help get him evaluated and meds. He hasn’t done any of that he has only seemed to question why I think he has schizophrenia. Like I said he does have a discharge paper with a diagnosis on it. I don’t know what to do, his family either is ignoring it or in denial but it’s been 5 years and I have begged for help and have gotten nothing. We aren’t related or married so I’m not sure how much I can do but I do know I am the only one trying to do anything. I’m lost.
You are in good company on this site. If you browse it, you will be able to read the posts of those romantically involved with people suffering from this devastating spectrum disorder. It is good to start by educating yourself on the disorder itself, if you haven’t already. A great place to start is the LEAP Institute that offers many useful resources on SZ.
Then, assuming you are in the US, contact a NAMI group in your area for support.
The simple truth is that every case of this spectrum disorder is as unique as the individual. In most cases, people who accept therapy and medication can achieve a good quality of life. But those who continue to deny that they are sick and refuse help rarely do well. Love is not enough.
Thank you for your reply. Yes I have been researching and learning about it for years now. I feel like I’m the only one that is trying to find him help. It’s almost like nobody believes me and my thought is why would I make something like this up. I’ve talked to his lawyer, he’s been in and out of jail for not paying his child support, and I haven’t been able to even get him a mental evaluation. It seems almost inhumane that there’s no help for him. It’s a very sad situation and I don’t think anyone realizes the affect it has had on my life. I’m told to let it go.
I cannot make a long story short and I tend to ramble on sometimes! Lol anyway I wanted to share the backstory of me and my friend. We met in August 1990, we were middle school age, he was my first kiss and I have a picture of us at a friend’s birthday party from February 1991. Both live in small towns about 20 minutes apart. During highschool I would see him a football games, and my heart would melt, puppy love as it was called not sure what the kiddo’s call it today. Rambling, I remember seeing him after highschool at a bar and that’s probably last time we saw one another. Then in August 2020 I came across that picture of us and unlike myself I reached out to him and he responded, showed up at my house on a Harley late one night and that was it. I always have said there’s just something about him, I fell head over heels and he felt the same from what he said. It’s a totally different story now, one night a few months later I was at his place, he lived on his own then, and I watched him lose touch with reality. He was pacing from the front door to the back door making sure nobody was coming in. He did however tell me that same night that he thought I had let people in, and I said I’m never going back again he freaked me out. But of course I did and looking back he seemed in and out of reality I guess you could say. He would hallucinate and then he would say things like he thinks he hears and sees things others don’t and that he’d put me through hell for the past couple of months. We both thought maybe it was drug induced psychosis. Then I found out some family history, he continued to get worse, at birth he lost oxygen to his brain which I looked up and that can be connected with schizophrenia. Fast forward to 2025, and there’s so much that has happened during these 5 years, and as of right now I was told by his dad not to come on the property, they think it’s just me and that he only acts this way when I come around or at least that’s what they say. So I can’t check on him, can’t call him, his mom won’t talk to me, it’s ridiculous. The courts wouldn’t help and his parents agreeing with him about me I think makes his delusion more real to him. He thinks horrible things about me, things I’ve said and done but I haven’t actually said or done any of these things. I just want him to see a doctor and get on meds so maybe he can get a little bit of his live back. It’s been 5 years and he’s almost 50 this can’t be good for him but I don’t know where to turn now.
I join @kwillkat in urging you to read and use the psychological communication strategy taught in the book “I Am Not Sick: I Don’t Need Help”. Related LEAP TedTalks and more are online. It is the ONLY way I know of to engage with a loved one who has no insight into their illness. For starters, we don’t tell our LO that they have Schizophrenia. LEAP (Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner) is not a simple slam dunk but it most definitely has proven effectiveness for many of those who will take the time to understand it and use it, and have patience in the process. Also, the reference to gain support and education from NAMI programs, including its Family Support Group and Family to Family course. All programs are free to participants.
Thank you. I guess his dad believes whatever he tells him, it hurt my feelings that he believed I called him crazy all the time. I normally don’t tell him he was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I have told him before but I don’t say it all the time like he was saying. My problem now is I’m not allowed to come on the property so I have no way of even trying to communicate with him. But I have heard of the book and will definitely take a look at it. I went to the NAMI website but I wasn’t sure where to start and not being a relative I wondered if that will be an issue? Thank you so much for your reply. It’s such a blessing to be able to say what you really feel and have others actually get it!!
If you are a good friend or significant other of the person experiencing a mental health condition there should be no issue with participating in a NAMI Family Support Group. And for any such NAMI program that is offered virtually, you should be able to participate from anywhere. It does not have to be offered in your exact location. We learn that we have to separate the person from the illness. Persons who experience delusional thinking, hallucinations, voices telling them all kinds of things good or bad, etc., and are saying things that are not logical or acting in irrational or even bizarre ways, are not doing so because they want to. Their brain is not working right. Yes, we get it! And persons who “cut off” their family or say one thing that seems quite negative, often do something different eventually, or even the next day!
Yes he can be the sweetest one day and then tell me to get out or ignore me when I come to the door. I never know what he’ll be like. I don’t like the fact that I have no way of knowing how he is, even if he would tell me to leave or not open the door at least when I could see him I could kinda get an idea of what state of mind he’s in. Just knowing that he’s alive is also a relief. His delusions have been basically the same this entire time, only changed in small details. For example I drugged him twice he used to say and now it’s 9 times or something. He went from thinking people were in his attic and in his walls, also at the beginning he was using drugs and still does sometimes but it’s hard to tell the difference anymore. I have a friend who works for the department of mental health and she has known him since they were kids but unfortunately she doesn’t believe he’s ill, she thinks it is his drug use even though there’s a discharge paper from the hospital diagnosis schizophrenia. It blows my mind that people question if he’s ill even with the diagnosis, it makes me question myself but I know he needs help and it’s not just his drug use. It’s like I’ve been screaming for someone to help and nobody hears me.
This morning I have watched videos of Dr Amador and the LEAP method. Wow I have heard of this before and kinda didn’t think much about it until today when I actually listened to the concept and it makes so much sense. My question is now that I am learning about it and will continue to learn about it how do I go about putting into action when I can’t see or talk to my friend? The past 5 years he has gone months with no communication and I’m usually the one that reaches out to him eventually. This time it seems different because of his dad telling me that he didn’t want me on the property. His mom is do what his dad says as far as I can see, she told me a few months ago that his dad told her not to ask about work and basically not to say anything that might make him mad, walk on eggshells, but she has read my texts recently no reply but she has read them. I think she knows there’s a problem but she tries to keep the peace but she also is a little more sympathetic towards me because he has said mean things to her just like he has to me. So I have a little hope still about his mom. She doesn’t like to mention that her and I have text, it will make him mad at her, I don’t tell him when her and I talk either, point being I could say something to her about wanting to talk to him but I don’t believe she would give him any message coming from me. I love being able to talk here it’s amazing but as I’m typing I realize how bizarre the whole situation is. I’ve said since the start that it feels like someone is playing a cruel joke on me and it isn’t funny. Thanks for listening I really appreciate it.
I know exactly what you mean. My friend feels the closest to me and we spend a lot of time together so I see his delusions (and when he’s in psychosis his hallucinations) BUT, he can hide them if he’s not around people for a long period of time. So even good friends of mine have been like he seems so normal when we see him , are you sure he’s sick…which is hurtful to me especially having a psychology degree! His own father is on denial about it which sounds like your friends parents as well. But, the reason is because I think he can’t bear to have another sick family member as both his brothers were also schizophrenic. So basically I think it’s their way of coping with a difficult truth. From my own experience just continue to be there for him maybe reaching out by text or phone just to let him know you care goes a long way. It’s scary and sad when they don’t accept help but, we can hope one-day they will. The system is broken but persistence in a non confrontational way will hopefully prevail. Wishing you luck and of course I hope the support groups help.
Thank you that means a lot.
Since I don’t have his number and I’m blocked on social media, which is another thing that has gone on this whole time especially him blocking me on his phone, anyway I sent his mom a link to one of the videos I watched about LEAP. I can see that she’s read my texts so I’m praying that she watches it! If nothing else maybe it will get her attention because I know she knows he’s ill, she’s his mother there’s no way she can’t know. I can only begin to understand how hard this is for her, I don’t think she has had any support either so I would think that’s part of the denial of it? But I pray for her because this to me has been so heartbreaking and like nothing else I have ever experienced I can’t fathom what she must go through. Thanks for listening!!
You can do all you can until it brings you down. Please remember to take care of yourself!
Thank you I will and you do the same!!
Remember this you didn’t cause it, can’t control if, can’t cure it.
I have a 47 year old son who I’ve been by his side his whole life. I saw him weekly. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia age 17. He stopped his meds 2.5 years ago and nothing I did or said stopped the wreckage this disease has caused in his life. In 2024 he was hospitalized 4 times. He ended up in jail for a year in 2025- he can be violent to himself and others. He was finally released from jail to psychiatric hospital and has been there for 7 months- still doesn’t know he’s sick. He is getting a antipsychotic medication but so far he is not stabilized. I haven’t talk to him for 4 months now but am able to get up dates from social worker and try to influence the direction of treatment plan. He is in a wheelchair and recently lost vision. Very little anyone can do when he refuses help.
I attend zoom Alanon meetings which help me to focus on taking care of myself. Our thoughts have become distorted when we try to force a solution. They are extremely Ill and very difficult to get the help they need. I’m a family member and I can’t do anything. Take care of yourself ; this is not yours to fix.
I’m so sorry about your son. I really do understand that I can’t fix him. I just don’t understand why his own parents act like nothing’s wrong with him and that it’s me that upsets him, or it’s only me he acts this way around. I’ve been the only one for the past 5 years to stand by him nobody else seems to care about his well being. It’s just really sad and hard to watch him suffer. Thank you for your reply though! It’s been 3 weeks since I have seen or talked to him and I can’t even get his mom to just let me know how he’s doing. It’s hard!
Ok so I have sent his mom a couple of texts and this morning I asked her if she would please just let me know how he is doing. After church I checked my phone, not expecting anything from her, and she had text me back nothing. I’m not sure if she means he’s not been doing anything, does mean he hasn’t been working or he hasn’t been acting paranoid? I’m thankful that she said something back, if I can’t be around him or talk to him I would like to be able to ask how he’s doing.
I wanted to say that she actually text the word “nothing” to me. I read that and thought it sounded like she didn’t text me back at all! Lol
Sounds like he and his family are in denial, too bad.
Since your not family, don’t think you can get involved, so try going on with your life.
I have already been involved for the past 5 years so I don’t know how to just move on.