Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Is there any other single moms living with adult sons who have sz or bpd


#1

I’m just wondering how many single moms are out there living with sons with sz or bpd, or both as in my case and how do you cope? I feel so isolated and just reaching out. My son was doing well for a couple months and then last night I noticed a change. I was praying he wasn’t splitting but that turned out to be the case. His mean personality is in control now and I’m holed up in my bedroom in an attempt to avoid any confrontation or getting caught engaging with him in this state of mind. My own depression and ptsd is overwhelming and I’m trying to cope as best I can. Family and friends avoid us like the plague while saying how hard it must be on me. It’s like they sympathize with me but don’t want to get to close for fear of being dragged into this impossible situation and that they are distant because of the constant drama that comes along with his brain disorder.

Any other single moms feel alone and trapped while at the same time loving your child and struggling with the fact that you are all they have?


#2

I am a single mom with a son who had schizophrenia and took his life almost three years ago. I’ve written a book to support parents in this situation that is now published on Amazon. A Life Worth Living – Schizophrenia Alternative Treatment, Suzanne Ayer Patterson

In this book, I have tried to share my experience and address all of the questions a person with a child with schizophrenia has and needs answers to. Excerpts from the chapters of my book are published on my blog onlythedifficult.org during the month of April. I wrote this book to help parents who experience helplessness like I did.

Kind regards,
Suzanne Patterson


#3

Hi, I am a single mom with a 19 year old with paranoid schizophrenia. I agree with everything you’ve said. People tell me how hard it is, but no one gets close. He was diagnosed about 2-3 years ago. Over the years, my friends have dwindled away. I spend a lot of time in my room. He goes to see his psychiatrist, but other then that, does not leave the house. It’s a very lonely existence


#4

Hi @Cher! I was beginning to think I was seriously out here alone! It’s a place of such isolation that despair is always my shadow. Resentment and envy are close by and I’m always questioning WHY! I suffer from chronic migraines and thus am left with little energy to fight! I too stay in my room most of the time. But I get up each day with the thought that this will be the day for change. And at the end of the day I pray for strength for tomorrow. As his mother I can’t give up on him. While at the same time wishing I could trade places with his father. I feel such guilt for thinking that way! We divorced in '92 and he has just now come back into mine and my son’s life. Yet no matter how hard I try to explain sz and bpd to his dad and praturnal grandmother they still blame my son for his brain illness. And have went so far as to say he is not welcome at their house bc of his behavior.

His father is always comparing him to his sister. Saying that she is fine so why isn’t he? They were both raised the same way after all. But what he doesn’t remember or chooses to forget is that our son saw his abuse towards me and at 7 years old became my protector. Which was the trigger for the sz gene he was born with from my side of the family. (More guilt on me) And our daughter was only 5 and doesn’t remember anything.

I know I’m rambling. I apologize! I’m sorry you are on this road too but thankful I’m not alone.

Hugs :hugs:


#5

I’m remarried, but with regards to my son, I am single. I feel my life is divided into multiple parts - my mom of this young man part, my married life with someone who lets me do what I have to do, but won’t engage with my son himself part, and also my 40-hour a week job self.

Sometimes I feel like I am making it all work. And sometimes I feel I am letting everyone down.

I’m looking forward to pleasant weather this weekend so that I can garden both at my house, and ‘my son’s’ house - I own it, he pays some rent to me out of his SSI money.


#6

I understand your division all too well!! Mom, wife, full time worker. Since I lost my job in February 2013 due to my migraines I became just mom and wife. Then, like you said, the husband that would not engage with my son suddenly thinks it’s ok to pull a gun on him. Which brings me to my current state as just mom.

My heart breaks for my son as well as for what I’ve lost. I’m a shell of a person now. And if not for the support I gain from every one on this forum, I’m not sure where I would be right now!

Waiting, hoping, praying for a miracle for all of us and our loved ones we stand in the gap for!!


#7

I’m so sorry for your loss!! I can’t even imagine! Although my son has attempted several times and always said he would not live past 31. He is 32 now! I think I held my breath the entire year last year!

I will most certainly check out your book. Thank you for your strength to help others who are walking down this road!

God bless!


#8

Hi Sheyelo,
I think there are many of us out there. There really needs to be support groups for us. I have joined NAMI and have gone to several of the classes and support groups.
It helps some, but doesn’t give much hope for a better future. I just keep hoping by he will “get better”.
I divorced about 4 years ago, sounds like our ex’s were pretty similar. I wish you all the best


#9

My son is almost 29 and lives with me. We’re fortunate in that we have great family and friends for support. But it’s still just the two of us most of the time. He’s only had one full psychotic episode when he was 24 but he lives with those voices daily and is occasionally delusional still. He is mostly extremely anxious and depressed. He doesn’t leave the house alone because of the anxiety. On bad days he floods me with negative texts and emails. It gets overwhelming at those times. He refuses meds and going to a psychiatrist but most of the time he’s functional. He has his dog and cat which helps him immensely. The goal now is to help him find some work at home employment so he can help with expenses…that’s where the current depression is coming from as he feels useless. I try and find something to do for me a couple of times a month…right now we’re fostering a rescue dog and so I’ve met some new people that way and have been out at adoption events etc. It helps. But sometimes I just really don’t want to go home after work!! Also, my son isn’t aggressive…when he gets suspicious of me we are able to deal with that so far and keep his trust in the fact that I only want the best for him even when we don’t agree on what that might be.