Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Isn’t it strange


#1

Isn’t it strange that I loved my son to the moon BEFORE sz, and didn’t think I could love him anymore, but I’m finding that I love him more now (if that’s even possible), BECAUSE OF AND IN SPITE OF his illness.

Always had a soft spot for the underdogs and the disadvantaged, but I never would have thought my son would end up in this category.

Funny how the cards are dealt to some of us


#2

Your son is very lucky to have you. My mother doesn’t talk to my afflicted sister anymore and thinks whatever happens to us is a “punishment”. Very tough to be around our mom especially lately…


#3

My son just come out of hospital no cards visits or well wishes from family .Trying so hard not to feel bitter !


#4

Last year I wrote about my son’s scz in my holiday letter that only goes out to people that we used to live by and were very close friends with back in those days - not a single person responded. Its not like it was a mass mailing - maybe 12 cards. I am trying to write this year’s update this afternoon. Its pretty difficult to even bother to send a card this year. I may just sign the cards and that’s it. Maybe its bad form to write about real life updates. Maybe it made them a little sad and they resented it. Maybe I should have glossed our lives over with a bunch of made up stuff.


#5

Hope this is not acetable why should we let them off the hook …tell them it all make them uncomfortable and accountable get them to write well wishes to your son…what I observed my husband got sick physically got loads of well wishes visits etc the hospital was full at visiting time …prison visiting times … correct me if I’m wrong but long line at opening time …psychiatric hospital empty at visiting times …just little old me in this sad corridor …I’m just angry for our loved ones they need card of love and visits


#6

Whoops …Acceptable …


#7

Hope …an idea for this years card
Dears friends and family
Life is hard with psychosis . My son never asked for this burden . He tries daily to be normal and it has broken my families heart . When I look at the life he’s missed it makes each passing year hard . I wish your loved ones a bright and peaceful christmas and I ask for your love and prayers for mine this christmas . Jeb lives at …,…any well wishes will brighten his life this christmas … sharing the love …hope


#8

@Love_Hope, I’m so very sorry to hear that and thank you so much for saying my son is lucky. I think he’s pretty lucky too, I would give him the world if I could, although the reciprocation is virtually non-existent. I attribute it to meds and sz.

I don’t know your situation 100% (although I’ve been following your story), speaking for myself, unless I was in some sort of danger, I don’t think I could ever completely distance myself from my son. Even if I was in danger, it would take a few serious situations for me to finally just walk away. Even if he refused my help and pushed me away, I would ceaselessly try, over and over. This I’m sure is easier said than done, and I thank god that I never experienced this.

I guess the bottom line is I think a child/parent relationship is different from a husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I think, for me, it would be easier to walk away from a boyfriend or husband, but still difficult.

I think where our children are involved, there’s more of a vulnerability there. I feel even our adult children with sz need to know that his/her parent is there. Forever.

Hoping you find some peace, especially during the holiday.


#9

@Faith1, I had to come to the sad realization that you cannnot make people care. Whether it’d be family or friends. It’s draining on us to question how they could behave this way! And I did this for years, constantly questioning and feeling angry and bitter. And truth be told, I need every ounce of energy to deal with and help my son. I’d rather focus on him, because to me, nothing else matters.

I just finally had to “let go”. It still hurts like hell, this is my sons family, but I had to realize I can’t make people feel/think a certain way. So sad to realize this,

Hoping for some peace for you


#10

Thankyou for caring . This road is a hard one …


#11

Hello Faith1,
I’m glad to know your son is home. We have each other to offer support.
Take care of your son, AnnieNorCal


#12

Faith1 - that is exactly what I should write. Thank you for understanding. Now we need to figure a way to get your family and friends to reach out to your son


#13

_Thankyou Hope …I will keep you posted …but I ain’t letting them off the hook this year …if they are in our space they need to feel his struggle …I’m tired of hearing everyones story and ours is too uncomfortable … however an empty house sounds quite nice :grin:


#14

Thankyou Annienorcal


#15

Exactly what I’ve been thinking about every single time someone asks me “how are you?” for the past two months…


#16

The best in person conversation I’ve had in a long time was in August when someone I’ve known locally for years, gave me a significant, frank, kind, look and asked me how my boys were, I could tell she knew something. This is a rural area, you can only have the sheriff to your house so many times before word gets around. I thought the heck with it and said “they are doing as well was can be expected” Seeing there was more there in her expression, I asked her how her boys were doing and she said “doing as well as can be expected”. I am so glad she reached out. We just stopped and talked for a couple of hours. Maybe we need a code phrase to find each other.


#17

Parents, Grandparents, Siblings, Cousins, Friends…etc., many will listen initially when a diagnosis of mental illness happens in the family or to a friend…but after a while they will also stop inquiring about the well being of the individual diagnosed or how everyone is coping. The conclusion that I have arrived at - they ultimately don’t want to have to deal with the situation on any level. They don’t want to feel the urge or expectation to help (whatever form that help may come in). They don’t want the sadness of the situation to impact them negatively.

We experience self-imposed ignorance/blinders in our family with our daughter. My entire In-law side never inquires. Grandparents ask once in a while about their adult granddaughter but have never offered help whether it’s time or money. Phone calls are cheap, easy and safe. Our other kids (all professionals) don’t really ask and we have to bring the subject up. One even said it makes her too sad to think about it so she doesn’t. Both have made it clear their significant others would never tolerate helping out to a significant degree after we are gone. My siblings only offer is prayer.

Ultimately no one wants the inconvenience in their lives…and in our situation, we are talking about a person who has experienced great success with medication, holds a full-time job and works closely with others. There will always be the need to have a daily solid support system to make sure all the i’s and t’s are dotted/crossed and encouragement given for those daily trials and tribulations experienced so the next day can be faced.


#18

Thank you NeverTooLate, I think you have summed it up beautifully. No wonder we all feel isolated from the world, its real.


#19

My son’s illness is a part of my life. I don’t dwell on it but it does come up in my normal conversation because he is my son. So friends and family are going to hear about him and our journey because THIS IS US. Real life, not a TV show.

What I have found is some people work so hard for the perception of a perfect life, when they run up against an imperfection they chose to ignore it. Have a couple of extended family members like that. And that is their own mental illness but they can’t see it. Ironic, huh?


#20

I like this approach. While writing this years update letter I keep thinking of that movie line “nobody puts Baby in a corner”.

Nobody is going to be allowed to put my son in an upstairs room in their mind and forget about him. Not while I am alive.