I think you may be acting too timid about the yard work thing, YOU should decide when you will work in the yard. Not him. Tell him in advance that you’ll be out there working at whatever time.
If he comes out and screams, can you ignore him? Will the neighbors complain?
One more thing, he should be happy that he doesn’t live in NJ suburbs. The lawn mowers and leaf blowers start early in the AM and are LOUD.
2 years ago, when I did yard work, my son would really tune up,tho he GENERALLY kept it inside the house. He seems able to tolerate it now. What a life we lead!
Jan, I think you are right. I stayed outside and was just trying to think about how to proceed when he emerged on his way to take his garbage out. He asked if I was just sitting there to annoy him, that’s when we came to a compromise.
The neighbors have never complained, the houses are quite far apart. The code in the neighborhood seems to be to never complain about anything.
I need to be braver, thank you.
I am liking the phrase “inane world problems” for the things we face in our world. Inane defined as “lacking sense”.
He used to be good with me telling him, “I am heading out to mow, leaf blow, rake, whatever” he doesn’t like to be startled. Then he said stop telling me, just go do it.
Currently he is in a super sound sensitive stage, he is so paranoid, he has his air conditioners turned off most of the time so he can hear. I suspect that habit will end really, really soon.
Yes, what a life we lead indeed:grin:
While we aren’t the garden state I have several acres here that I garden year round. My yard is like maintaining a small park. He pointed out that I had just been mowing for hours the day before. Yes, I had, each week I have riding mowing, followed by push mowing, and there’s trimming, and of course, the worst of all, the dreaded LEAF BLOWER. I usually work outside several hours a day.
Its true that he hadn’t complained the day before,not a peep. Working outside is something I enjoy that reduces my stress. I must push back harder on this one.
Maybe you can gift him some nice noise cancelling headphones?
Yeah! I think some battles are worth fighting! Yard work/gardening can be very therapeutic.
I’m not judging you, but let me tell you that my mom, and my ex’s mom, especially, love to garden, They wouldn’t be cowed by my exhusband’s objections. He has pSz and is as volatile as one can be. He lives with his mom now. She just goes about her day, despite any protestations.
Yes, lawn mowers are loud (and annoying!) but you don’t mow every day. Maybe he could plan to be out of the house on those days.
I know it’s not easy, but if this is something that you feel strongly about, get outside and garden🌼 He will learn to accept it.
Maybe she should wear the headphones!
I wish we had those animated smiles - I would pick the one where the smiley face is laughing and pounding its hands on the ground…
Hi: I have never heard of the Leap progress? Did you find it on this web site. I’m sorry you are suffering turmoil with your son. My son is now 30 and suffers schizophrenia. The older he gets the worse it gets. He also accuses me non stop of abusive behavior of various methods along with slaving over me. My son has zero energy or ambition and spends his days lying in bed or on the couch while I pick up behind him. I love him dearly and have raised him on my own but I don’t know what to say to him anymore. He has refused to see a therapist for the past 4 years. He stays on his medication. Although I will admit to hiding in my room for small breaks however he follows me in? I tried the calming I love you approach when he was younger now I have turned to trying to rationale and explain to him that has never happened and it can’t be true as look at the circumstances and how I care for you which never ends well either? Could you please provide me with the Leap link. Thank you and Good Luck.
LEAP is explained in a book called I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help by Dr Xaviar Amador, but there are videos on YouTube & he has a website.
I think there are links on this site somewhere too.
Thank you for your assistance.
Hi Hope: I am dealing with similar situations with my 30 year old son who suffers schizophrenia. As it is only myself living in our country home with him I have much yard work to do and vacuum. The noise bothers and really upsets him. He becomes annoyed with me. As there is so much going on in their brains at one time it is challenging for them to block out other louder noises. This is why I have stayed living in such an isolated area as he enjoys walking through the woods and bringing in firewood. When we go to a town with traffic he has major anxiety attacks. He takes our dog to hold on which seems to calm him. Good Luck.
Hi Tracy, I was hoping my son would respond to my offer to get him noise cancelling head phones as slw had suggested. He did not reply. I have read that people suffering from scz become super sensitive to sound. Some of the new research explains the part of their brain that is faulty and causing the sensitivity.
We are starting week 3 here of the current episode, its beginning to feel like we are suffering a siege. My husband and I are jumpy - even the dogs are getting jumpy. He is getting upset without any sort of routine to it. Long periods of quiet, then he’s back at it. Thanks and good luck to you as well:) Hope
Just wanted to see how you are holding up.
A thought about videoing your son’s outbursts. Maybe he would agree to it. To “get his message out” whatever it is.
Hi Jan - since his current delusion is that we are cyberbullying him, abusing him and stalking him, he’s not in good place for me to suggest something.
Sunday, he had been in and out of our storage building carrying tools, stopping occasionally in the walk between his apartment and the storage building to yell at our house. He left yesterday either to go to his therapist or yoga (I didn’t see him leave so didn’t see how he was dressed). I checked out the storage building and discovered he has several projects going on in there. Looks like he has been going through some of his belongings stored there and getting them cleaned up to sell. We had worried that with the tools and the accusations of cyberbullying that he was looking for proof of such.
The moon is waning. I got a lot of yard work done while he was gone. Thanks for asking Jan:)
There was an upsetting video on the Houston Chronicle website of a mentally ill man having an episode at a Burger King. The employees there hit the man, held him down on the ground and another employee tasered him. Poor man, this could easily have been my son. The sound of his voice sounds just like my son during an episode.
He is someone’s son and he is all of our sons and daughters.
My son’s bad periods have been so regular, I’m going to have to go back and compare them to the phases of the moon.
Our son’s psychiatrist was a firm believer of full moon issues. My sister dreads full moons at her nursing home, she says the dementia patients are always affected.
Maybe we should start a full-moon thread so we can all remember to pay attention?