All this support brings tears to my eyes. Thank you I needed it.
The talking, yelling and almost crying was over the phone to the people working at the shelter not my son. Trying to make them understand that sending my son to live with someone with her history who is barely stable and off and on suicidal is not where he needs to be. He needs to be in the group home but they are doing there job to help facilitate his wishes.
As hard as all this is, I don’t blame my son. He can’t see past his current mental state and I know that.
My daughter knew this was in the works and purposely didn’t call me or let me know so that I wouldn’t try to stop it. She is almost 19 and thinks she can ‘help’ by going there and cleaning and socializing my son etc. She has no idea what she is getting herself into. While I don’t blame her… I still feel pretty betrayed right now by her and her grandmother as I never did anything behind anyone’s back.
On a good note, his dad says that he is going to get involved. Trying to be optimistic about that but it has never ended good in the past. Lasts a week or two then he can’t handle my son. Says he is going to get my son a job, sorting recycling. I hope it works. I think he may be expecting too much but we will see. He couldn’t handle school 4 hrs a day, don’t know how he will do at an 8 hr job. He needs to be on the right meds for this to work and I don’t think anyone out there knows how to advocate this. Certainly not the pdoc he appears to be going back to.
My daughter tells me I’m only looking at all the negatives. It’s hard not to when you know what they are and have been watching them first hand for so long. My son needs boundaries or he goes too far. His grandmother, in the past, refused to try to keep him off marijuana. It triggers his psychosis. It’s in the doctors notes that she would rather he smoke at home then be out on the streets. She was getting eviction notices due to his smoking it… She has zero sense of smell. He also steal her perks. She couldn’t find a safe place for them. He used to steal her bank card. I was sending them money lots of times. I don’t think I’m being negative, I think I’m being realistic. My son will do what he always does because he thinks family should forgive him and give him what he wants. He has no problem with stealing from family.
I am thinking about contacting a lawyer and looking into substitute decision maker/guardianship. When/if things go bad then it will be easier for me to get and I can start helping again. No the war isn’t over