Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Looks like I have lost the battle


#1

It looks like my son is moving back with his grandmother. I have talked, yelled, almost cried at anyone who will listen and tried to make them all see what a horrible idea this is. It’s ludicrous as far as I’m concerned. She is on disability, is still recovering from 3 heart attacks and recently tried to OD on perks. The pdoc they are trying to get him back in with is the same one that after treating my son a long time never once mentioned that he has ADHD which other pdocs have noticed after one visit. But he does prescribe benzos…

I just can’t even get my mind around all this. To have to let him go back to where he was 15 months ago is ridiculous. So if I’m not around very much in the near future… I just don’t have it in me right now. 15 months of fighting for my son and his stability to watch it all be for nothing because a couple of people can’t see the bigger picture…


#2

I’m sorry you are going through this. My best wishes and prayers.


#3

that is so horrible Barbie. I am really sad to hear this about your son. I guess it’s out of your hands. You did your best and that’s all you can do, my mother says.


#4

sorry barbie :frowning: sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them too no matter how hard you try but you shouldn’t stop trying bc you never know whats going to happen in the future, i hope that things get better for you and your son and family, it sucks but this is not the end, take care.


#5

I am so sorry. There seem to be few good answers for our young people.

An update here - my son is doing fairly well on Geodon as well as a mood stabilizer, tho he continues to have some delusions and paranoia. He is currently living on the behavioral health unit of what is basically a nursing home. While I love the staff, I don’t feel it is appropriate for a bright young person of 24 - the population is mixed with elderly and also developmentally disabled. His latest complaint is that someone is pooping in the men’s shower room.

So… I am in the process of purchasing a small house for him. I will essentially be his landlord. No other apartment dwellers for him to disturb, no landlord who can evict him.

I hope to have some services in place to support him.

I plan to check him regularly, and hopefully he will have pride in his surroundings.

If it doesn’t work out, I think I won’t lose much if any money. And I will have stepped over the threshold of purchasing real estate, and my next step would be to create a small (4-6 person) group home for him and others. At this point, I feel it is unlikely that anything more appropriate will be available unless I create it.


#6

BarbieBF I am so sorry you are going through this. Don’t give up. As you know I am going through a mental break with my son right now. Just as we think they are doing well something else comes along. We have to hang in there so we can fight this battle for our loved one. Please don’t quit posting as this is a great relief when I vent on here. I am sure you have felt the same way. I don’t know if you are a Christian or not but I will be praying for you and your family. Hang in there!!!


#7

I am so very sorry to hear this. It’s hard to imagine and I can see how you would have a hard time with this since he was in such a mess when he got to you. And now everyone wants him to come back and be a mess again?

I hope things straighten themselves out soon and he’ll be back with you again. Since his Nan hasn’t changed, I can see history repeating it’s self all the way back to your door again.

This is very heart breaking news. But the war wages on. Battles are temporary. His Nan is old and not that I would ever wish the end of life on anyone… fact is it sounds like she is an older woman with not very good health. If she can’t take care of herself… how will she take care of him?

Wishing you a lot of strength and patience.


#8

Barbie-I am SO sorry!!! Not sure if I can say this with out hurting you but, this is just the first round. You can fight the system, doctors, family, your son, but you will not be able to change your sons path. He has been dealt a crappy hand of cards, but he is the one who will have to play them. For you, I would NOT let him back into your house-regardless of whats going on in someone else`s house. THAT-will really be your battle.
I read your story and see my own story of my son-it brings me to tears.
The good thing is
he is still young** let him make his mistakes now.
I had to apologize to my girls because I had nothing left after fighting and battling everyone and everything. I was an empty shell.
I have learned one valuable thing–the more I step out of the picture, the better things get for me and my son. It also gives me time to " fill up " again. And you will.
i hope this helps a little. Please let go for now and let your husband comfort you and pamper yourself.
Much love to you ~~~~~ **


#9

@BarbieBF , I am so sorry to hear that your son is moving with his Grandma. It doesn’t sound like she is in good health. I don’t think she can take care of him NOR can he take care of her. The whole situation doesn’t sound good. How far does she live from you? I hope things get better for you and your family. I know how you feel though my son doesn’t have any relatives close by to move in with, if not he would have gone by now. Good luck and please keep us posted.


#10

things happen for a reason in life…no matter how hard we try and steer the boat away from a certain direction.
you love your son, you have showed him love, you have done your best to help him, your a good mother.
i surround you in as much love as i can muster, know that i care.
take care.


#11

You are a good mother doing the best with what is available. As long as he is still breathing air, there is still Hope. Don’t give up on that. One thing that is certain even in Chaos, his choice probably won’t last long.


#12

I will try to send some positive vibes your way. Hope things change for the better. :frowning:

10-96


#13

That’s too bad. Sorry about that. It’s hard to see them struggle and have to restart all over again undoing everything you’ve done.


#14

{{{Barbie}}}

I’ll miss you if I don’t see you!

Do you have any other interests? Astrology is one of my interests, that is. I would help you with that if you had interest.

Jayster


#15

I am so sorry to hear this, BarbieBF. Could you have a good talk with your mom and see if she could persuade your son to be back with you? It seems you son is not mature enough to make a good decision for himself.


#16

I m sorry too. But I also believe things happen for a reason. Sometimes people have to hit bottom before they rise. At least his father will be nearby and you will be safe. It’s not over yet. He’s very young and can change.

If your son is in hearing range, best dial down the screaming. Expressed Emotion is a real trigger for people with sz.


#17

I do not not know if all szs can express emotions, I have done some progress in this area recently when I have had courage to tell some people about my love music behaviors, but in the past I have been quite flat with my emotions, I need to learn more to express my emotions, which may help me.


#18

Yes, I know that is one of the symptoms of sz. It’s good that you are overcoming it. But what I was referring to is that family and carers are warned not to express negative emotions and criticism (of anybody) very loudly and emotionally. That’s a trigger for a lot of people with sz because it causes them too much stress. I come from a very “shouty” family and I have had to completely change my way of reacting to alarming or annoying events. It’s really hard for me to speak calmly sometimes. I feel like I am going to explode! But it gets easier with practice.


#19

I understand you, my reaction to some of these negative emotions has been that I close myself and I do not want to hear these negative emotions and criticism, this is one area where I can develop myself, but a human mind is what it is and in younger years it easier to change, but I try.


#20

All this support brings tears to my eyes. Thank you I needed it.

The talking, yelling and almost crying was over the phone to the people working at the shelter not my son. Trying to make them understand that sending my son to live with someone with her history who is barely stable and off and on suicidal is not where he needs to be. He needs to be in the group home but they are doing there job to help facilitate his wishes.

As hard as all this is, I don’t blame my son. He can’t see past his current mental state and I know that.

My daughter knew this was in the works and purposely didn’t call me or let me know so that I wouldn’t try to stop it. She is almost 19 and thinks she can ‘help’ by going there and cleaning and socializing my son etc. She has no idea what she is getting herself into. While I don’t blame her… I still feel pretty betrayed right now by her and her grandmother as I never did anything behind anyone’s back.

On a good note, his dad says that he is going to get involved. Trying to be optimistic about that but it has never ended good in the past. Lasts a week or two then he can’t handle my son. Says he is going to get my son a job, sorting recycling. I hope it works. I think he may be expecting too much but we will see. He couldn’t handle school 4 hrs a day, don’t know how he will do at an 8 hr job. He needs to be on the right meds for this to work and I don’t think anyone out there knows how to advocate this. Certainly not the pdoc he appears to be going back to.

My daughter tells me I’m only looking at all the negatives. It’s hard not to when you know what they are and have been watching them first hand for so long. My son needs boundaries or he goes too far. His grandmother, in the past, refused to try to keep him off marijuana. It triggers his psychosis. It’s in the doctors notes that she would rather he smoke at home then be out on the streets. She was getting eviction notices due to his smoking it… She has zero sense of smell. He also steal her perks. She couldn’t find a safe place for them. He used to steal her bank card. I was sending them money lots of times. I don’t think I’m being negative, I think I’m being realistic. My son will do what he always does because he thinks family should forgive him and give him what he wants. He has no problem with stealing from family.

I am thinking about contacting a lawyer and looking into substitute decision maker/guardianship. When/if things go bad then it will be easier for me to get and I can start helping again. No the war isn’t over :smile: